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BigFurHat Dismissed From Jury Duty

Home - by - July 19, 2011 - 16:42 America/New_York - 57 Comments

I woke up bright and early this morning, proud and looking forward to fulfilling my civic duty. I drove, joyfully, the 45 minutes to the county courthouse, singing America the Beautiful the entire way.  (Actually, my eyes were half closed and my face was in permanent Michelle Obama scowl. Truth is, BFH doesn’t work and play well with others, especially at 8 am.)

From a potential pool of about 75 people, BFH’s name was pulled from the fishbowl on the fourth pick. If this was a system in order to receive a free box of Omaha steaks I’d still be sitting there, the last person, in my pathetic folding chair, waiting, as the staff explained that they were out of steaks and “would I perhaps accept a half-off coupon for steak-ums, instead?”

The voir dire was in a small office. There were about 25 of us. The plaintiff’s lawyer, along with the defense counsel, explained that they would tell us the bare bones minimum about the case to see if there were any conflicts of interest.

A woman was suing for malpractice. She alleged that a doctor at an emergency ward missed a simple diagnosis of appendicitis which resulted in the plaintiff being put on a permanent colostomy bag. This cleared out most of the room because many potential jurors had either gone to this hospital or had immediate family members who were hospital staff. A few others were dismissed because they had pending or past medical  lawsuits of their own.

I was envying the people who were sent packing, cursing the day that I didn’t at least try and sue the doctor for that awkward prostate examination. I was actually contemplating faking a heart attack when the lawyers said the case was estimated to be about 3 weeks long. This was a nightmare. After all, I have extremely important blogging to do.

While my mind was racing I overheard the defense counsel say something to the effect of  “my client Dr. Achmed Mohammad.”

Achmed Mohammad?…  Achmed Mohammad?…  Achmed Mohammad!!

I quickly raised my hand. I asked to speak to both lawyers outside the jury room. I had a legitimate question.

I asked the lawyers if it would matter to them if I was affiliated with AFDI and SIOA. It didn’t immediately register with them, so I said, “SIOA, Stop the Islamization of America. It’s an anti-jihad organization.”

The plaintiff’s lawyer smiled and said that he didn’t mind. The defense lawyer shot him a “gimme a break look” as he extended his hand and said that he appreciated my candor and that he was uncomfortable with me being a juror for this particular trial.

Woo hoo! At last, my abject bigotry and reprehensibility was paying off. As I was going out the door, the plaintiff’s lawyer stopped me and said, “don’t get us wrong, it’s not that we don’t fully agree with you.” The defense lawyer actually gave the plaintiff’s lawyer a little playful kick in the shins, as if to say “don’t be saying that about me, idiot.”

The plaintiff’s lawyer offered me a parting word. He said, “keep up the good fight.’

That made my day.

FEATURED COMMENT

LaBonBon

I was actually called for jury duty at the same time my whistleblower lawsuit was scheduled to go to trial. After receiving the notice to appear I called the courthouse and said I would be delighted to serve as a juror at my own trial. The lady laughed and said that had never happened before. I was excused but then my case settled.

 

 

» 57 Comments

  1. rainmaker1145

    July 19th, 2011

    No pictures? A picture is worth a thousand words…

    Thumb up +1

     
  2. innominatus

    July 19th, 2011

    If it happens again you can borrow my t-shirt that has a picture of the electric chair and the words “Justice: Regular or Extra-Crispy?”

    Pretty sure it’d help.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +27

     
  3. ChiefIlliniCake

    July 19th, 2011

    Another defendant left in the hands of suckers not smart enough to get out of jury duty!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  4. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    July 19th, 2011

    1st paragraph; ROTFL

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. Merle

    July 19th, 2011

    Three weeks ? There is the building of a mosque to protest !

    Thumb up +5

     
  6. My2Cents

    July 19th, 2011

    Fur, was it the “Kill Them All. Let God Sort Them Out” tshirt that you were wearing that got you bumped?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  7. Tim

    July 19th, 2011

    Sooooo … why’d ya tell?

    Thumb up +3

     
  8. Czar of Defenestration

    July 19th, 2011

    So, you miss us *more* than the $15 bucks-a-day compensation.
    I’m touched. *sniff sniff*

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +18

     
  9. [...] one of many of the benefits of SIOA membership (join here, click like), it's better than monay! BigFurHat Dismissed From Jury Duty  by BigFurHat – July 19, [...]

    Thumb up +4

     
  10. Aharte

    July 19th, 2011

    Haha! Love it! And I’m proud of my “abject bigotry and reprehensibility”, so there’s that…

    Thumb up +8

     
  11. Muckford

    July 19th, 2011

    I was once dismissed from jury duty when I told the prosecutor that the defense attorney had no obligation to put on a defense if he had not proved that the plaintiff was guilty.

    he didn’t like that I understood the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  12. Uncle Al

    July 19th, 2011

    True second-hand story: Many years back my ex came back from her first day of jury duty saying she’d seen the perfect way to get dismissed. The voir dire was in a court room and the pool was seated in the regular jurors’ swivel chairs. One guy there would give a little kick to make the chair spin around a couple of time and very quietly say, “Wheee!” A short time later he’d kick the other way and spin a couple of times and go “Wheee!” again. When his name was called both the defense and prosecuting attorneys said, in unison, “Challenge!” The spinning and now widely grinning guy said “Thank you” and walked out.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  13. I'm Palin's Huckleberry

    July 19th, 2011

    I ALWAYS BRING A ” ANN COULTER” book…

    haven’t been in a jury in years …. lol

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +19

     
  14. TooMuchTime

    July 19th, 2011

    The following is from Facebook:

    I just got out of jury duty by prefacing every response with “according to the prophecy.”

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +22

     
  15. mcnorman

    July 19th, 2011

    Score! Congrats on making a fine statement today.

    Thumb up +2

     
  16. ScratchNSniff

    July 19th, 2011

    I don’t believe in weaseling out of your duty.

    Thumb up +2

     
  17. Nunya

    July 19th, 2011

    BFH you rock! So does the plaintiff’s attorney. Just sayin™

    Now where do we go to join SOIA?

    SIOAfacebook.com – bfh

    Now is a good time because SOIA was recently purged of ALL its members (16,000) in an egregious FB migration. -bfh

    Thumb up +5

     
  18. Nunya

    July 19th, 2011

    (er, make that SIOA)

    Thumb up +3

     
  19. Kool Aid

    July 19th, 2011

    GOD BLESS YOU BFH!

    Thumb up +2

     
  20. Call me Lennie

    July 19th, 2011

    I worked an internship in the City Prosecutor’s office back in a previous life when I went to law school. I think that for some inexplicable reason this makes defense attorneys nervous. I never get picked

    Thumb up +6

     
  21. Rides A Pale Horse

    July 19th, 2011

    Years ago, I rode with a national motorcycle club and I was called to jury duty. I showed up flying colors. They wouldn’t even let me in the jury room even though I presented my jury card. The officer took my card, thanked me for showing up and told me I was excused. Didn’t get another call for jury duty for the next 15 years.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  22. Anne Marie Harpen

    July 19th, 2011

    Way to go Fur!!!

    Thumb up +1

     
  23. Czar of Defenestration

    July 19th, 2011

    @ nunya
    Go to either
    http://sioaonline.com/
    or google “Atlas Shrugs.”

    Thumb up +2

     
  24. TooMuchTime

    July 19th, 2011

    @ScratchNSniff — I have been trying to get on a jury my entire life. I’d love to experience a real life civics lesson.

    But just to show you how screwed up our system is in CA. My son turned 18 and he got a jury summons within 4 months. I’ve been waiting 30 years.

    Thumb up +9

     
  25. MaryfromMarin

    July 19th, 2011

    The part I liked best is what the lawyer said to you at the very end. You never know when you’ll encounter allies–and when you do, it can make your day.

    I just encountered an ally at a car dealership, of all places–an intelligent AND very young man, too. Great political discussion as we were waiting to get the car business done.

    We surround them.

    Thumb up +8

     
  26. scribble

    July 19th, 2011

    I was called for jury duty for a murder trial involving a young black defendant. The written jury questionaire asked “where do you get your news from?”. I wrote “the internet, talk radio and Fox News.” I was the ONLY potential juror who was not asked a relevant question from EITHER side (actually in passing the defense attorney looked at me and said during a monologue, “Have you heard of the TV show Law and Order?” That was it.)

    Thumb up +7

     
  27. Anonymous

    July 19th, 2011

    I believe Fur that you made our day. Great work and quick thinking on your part. I laughed until I (piddled my pants)

    Thumb up +4

     
  28. Melody

    July 19th, 2011

    Loved this story had me in stitches, glad to have you back. :)

    Thumb up +2

     
  29. Jenny

    July 19th, 2011

    Bada Bing Bada Boom!!!!

    “… abject bigotry and reprehensibility …” baaaaaahahahahahahaha.

    Nice day’s work, BFH. Wish I could get away from lawyers and plaintiffs and defendants that easily.

    Thumb up +2

     
  30. BigFurHat

    July 19th, 2011

    @ SnS
    I don’t believe in weaseling out of your duty.>>

    Neither do I.
    In my case I was warning the defense of my potential conflict, which protects his client, and I was warning the plaintiff of my affiliation and protecting his client from costly re-litigation had there been a mistrial along the way due to my lack of transparency.
    It’s your duty to be honest during the voir dire.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +18

     
  31. ScratchNSniff

    July 19th, 2011

    I don’t mean it as an attack. I’m just saying that if everyone looks for ways to shirk they’re duty to our nation, then don’t expect there to be a nation left. What if the police look for ways to get out of policing? What if the lawyers, judges, mothers, fathers, priests, pastors, dog catchers, and on and on, are all looking to shirk they’re responsibilities?

    We see what happens when the authorities shirk their duties, the last 2.5 years of graft and corruption. Actually many years. We see what happens when the American people corporate neglect their civic duty, Obama and the commie circus of stupidity.

    I witnessed what happened when a 1st Lieutenant shirked his duty in Iraq. He wanted to take his convoy down the most direct route, but intel said that route was black, or a no go. Even when we told him to get his dumb ass off that route, he still persisted. What did he get for shirking his duty? Dead. And others as well. He could have gotten his whole convoy destroyed. And many of those soldiers will be affected by that their entire lives.

    Just one guy, weaseling out of his duty.

    Thumb up +8

     
  32. norman einstein

    July 19th, 2011

    Way to go, Mr. Hat! See? Sometimes honesty IS the best policy!

    Thumb up +3

     
  33. Skorpion

    July 19th, 2011

    I know an L.A.-based musician who, when he got a Jury Duty summons, scrawled “VIVA ANGEL DUST” on it in big black letters, and sent it back to the court. He says it was *over ten years* before he ever heard from them again!

    Thumb up +3

     
  34. Don't Tread On Me

    July 19th, 2011

    Congats, Fur!
    I’ve gotten the “I appreciate your candor” dismissal several times now. There is probably no lawyer in America interested in having me serve on a jury. None.

    Thumb up +5

     
  35. illustr8r

    July 19th, 2011

    I was on a jury years ago. A personal injury case where we had to decide to give money for a brain injury caused by poor maintenance that the guy who was hurt was in charge of taking care of. Sad story of cutting corners. Anyhoo.

    I learned a new word during that trial “detritus”. The plaintiff lawyer said it over and over as “da-trit-is.” Once we figured out what he was saying we told the bailiff to pass along the correct pronunciation to the lawyer.

    The trial lasted 3 weeks. I made good business connection and developed a series of greeting cards and invites. Knock*wood though I hope not to get called again anytime soon.

    BFH couldn’t you say you are self employed? That’s what I’m saying if there is a next time.
    *knocks*wood*again

    Thumb up +8

     
  36. Alxandro

    July 19th, 2011

    Though my story is not as interesting, I too was dismissed from jury duty about a month ago because of something I said.
    I made the first round and went into the court room with about 30 other folks.
    The lawyers started explaining the jury duty process, the judicial system, then began throwing out hypotheticals,..
    They continued to explain why things are done a certain way, then began asking if we felt “this was fair”, if “that was “fair”,….
    “Fair this, fair that, fair-fair-fair”, they threw that word around like it was going out of style.
    I was eventually asked if I thought a said hypothetical was fair.
    I then blurted,
    “Well, nothing’s really fair if you think about it.”

    buh bye

    Thumb up +7

     
  37. janif

    July 19th, 2011

    I was in voir dire once and when asked the question if he believed in the American system of justice, all men innocent until proven guilty, this old guy blurts out “I beleeve whar thar’s smoke, thar’s fire.” He gets dismissed and as he leaves he gives the rest of us a Hi sign, like, so long Suckers.

    Thumb up +6

     
  38. Mrs. Patriot

    July 19th, 2011

    I had jury duty a couple of weeks ago and I had the pleasure of sending a North City Thug to the big house for 2nd Degree Murder….it was the most rewarding 4 days that I have had in a long…long time!!

    My Husband has jury duty in a couple of weeks, maybe he can use your same approach BFH!!

    Thumb up +6

     
  39. fb

    July 19th, 2011

    OK. Scenario #2,

    Same plaintiff and defendant.

    This time the plaintiff is a Hooters waitress. She goes to Dr. M to have a breast augmentation procedure. The implants sent to the Operating Room were size DD, instead of the size C originally ordered. Dr. M pressed for time inserts the size DD implants instead of rescheduling the procedure, figuring she’s getting more for less. The plaintiff sues.

    The question is, how many rows of chairs does BFH vault over to volunteer for jury duty?

    Thumb up +6

     
  40. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    July 19th, 2011

    I have all kinds of prejudices, mostly against people who want to get rich quick at someone else’s expense. But the three times I’ve been rejected for juries it was upon revealing that I am in the medical field (thus can’t be fooled by trial lawyer chicanery and can influence others on the jury).

    Thumb up +2

     
  41. Claudia

    July 19th, 2011

    I have been called for jury duty twice now. I was picked for the jury every time I was up for one. Guess they liked my answers. One of the questions about if I had ever been the victim of a crime; I said yes, my garage was broken into, but all they got were stereo speakers. I wasn’t upset, tho, because they didn’t work. I wasn’t trying to be funny, but everyone laughed.

    Thumb up +1

     
  42. IronyCurtain

    July 19th, 2011

    What could have possibly gone wrong with Dr. ACHMED MOHAMMED?

    Patient: “Doctor, I have a sharp pain coming from the area of my appendix.”

    Dr. Mohammed: “The problem is easy to diagnose, but you are a WOMAN AND SO YOU BE SHUTTING UP YOU WOMAN!!!! I BEHEAD YOU, WOMAN WHO IS PROBABLY AMERICAN JEW INFIDEL!!!!! TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND I KEEEEEL YOU IN THE MORNING!!
    AYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYALALALALALAL!!!!!!”

    Thumb up +7

     
  43. LaBonBon

    July 20th, 2011

    I was actually called for jury duty at the same time my whistleblower lawsuit was scheduled to go to trial. After receiving the notice to appear I called the courthouse and said I would be delighted to serve as a juror at my own trial. The lady laughed and said that had never happened before. I was excused but then my case settled.

    Thumb up +4

     
  44. rswannabe

    July 20th, 2011

    The more I talk and listen the more I am convinced that there are really only 8-10 non-mooselimbs in the country that actually side with the mooselimbs.

    The real problem is the spineless people who are afraid to speak up against them.

    Islamophobia = the irrational fear of being decapitated.

    Thumb up +3

     
  45. workingclass artist

    July 20th, 2011

    “Woo hoo! At last, my abject bigotry and reprehensibility was paying off…”

    rflmao….Keep Up the Good Fight Indeed!

    Thumb up +1

     
  46. workingclass artist

    July 20th, 2011

    Honesty is the best policy

    Thumb up +1

     
  47. workingclass artist

    July 20th, 2011

    @ScratchNSniff

    “I don’t believe in weaseling out of your duty.”

    I’m Catholic….pretty sure I’d be 86d from a death penalty case even though I’m a native Texan.
    Being honest with the lawyers is responsible especially if it avoids a potential mistrial later on.

    Thumb up +2

     
  48. ScratchNSniff

    July 20th, 2011

    @workingclass artist
    “Honesty is the best policy”

    “Grandpa, your son was just killed in a horrible crash.”

    *THUMP*

    “Grandpa….GRANDPA!”

    Not always.

    Thumb up 0

     
  49. ScratchNSniff

    July 20th, 2011

    workingclass artist
    “I’m Catholic”

    I would think this would get you out of a child molestation case, but why murder?

    Thumb up -2

     
  50. workingclass artist

    July 20th, 2011

    @scratch&sniff

    I’d be happy to serve on the jury but I would be honest about being Catholic…so yeah..The attorneys might disqualify me in either scenario.
    In the death penalty example they wouldn’t trust me to vote outside the church. In a potential priest molestation case they would likely think I would be biased either in favor or against as a pissed off Catholic. I’d likely be perceived as a risky gamble to the attorneys on either side.

    Either way it could be used as a factor in mistrial…

    Thumb up 0

     
  51. ScratchNSniff

    July 20th, 2011

    Haven’t you all seen “12 Angry Men”? What if you were the only one who believes that the plaintiff is innocent? Don’t you owe that person a fair trial? Because the jury may be getting bullied by one old man that hates kids and is just looking for revenge, even if it isn’t “that kid.”

    Take that innocent girl Casey Anthony for instance.

    Okay, even I don’t believe that mess. LOL

    I know what you’re saying. I was just playing devil’s advocate. Wow, ever see that movie? Scary stuff.

    Thumb up 0

     
  52. Snowball the Sourpuss

    July 20th, 2011

    Great story, Fur.

    And I concur with the plaintiffs lawyer 100%.

    Thumb up +1

     
  53. Uncle Al

    July 20th, 2011

    @workingclass artist — Honesty is the best policy

    But what if the defendant is a lying sack of shit? If he’s supposed to have a jury of his peers, doesn’t he deserve at least one or two lying sack of shit jurors? (-:

    Thumb up +1

     
  54. workingclass artist

    July 20th, 2011

    @scratch

    12 angry men…classic film.

    @uncle Al

    lol…OJ?

    Thumb up 0

     
  55. High Commissar

    July 20th, 2011

    BFH…. I totally appreciate your candor in getting out of that potential mess….My black jury tee shirt has in bold gold lettering, “JUDGE ROY BEAN, my HERO” with a lovely rope and noose hanging below the letters…

    Thumb up 0

     
  56. Mr. Chris

    July 20th, 2011

    Encouragement is great, especially from a totally unexpected source.

    Thumb up +1

     
  57. Trish

    July 20th, 2011

    That was well written and a great story, haha!

    Thumb up 0