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If This Magazine Is Real May I Submit It To The King Hearings? Too Late?

Home - by - March 14, 2011 - 08:39 America/New_York - 15 Comments

Al-Qaeda has launched a women’s magazine that mixes beauty and fashion tips with advice on suicide bombings.

Dubbed ‘Jihad Cosmo’, the glossy magazine’s front cover features the barrel of a sub-machine gun next to a picture a woman in a veil.

The cover of Al-Shamikha magazine

Are we sure this wasn’t made by The People’s Cube?

There are exclusive interviews with martyrs’ wives, who praise their husbands’ decisions to die in suicide attacks.

The slick, 31-page Al-Shamikha magazine – meaning The Majestic Woman – has advice for singletons on ‘marrying a mujahideen’.

Readers are told it is their duty to raise children to be mujahideen ready for jihad.

And the ‘beauty column’ instructs women to stay indoors with their faces covered to keep a ‘clear complexion’.

They should ‘not go out except when necessary’ and wear a niqab for ‘rewards by complying with the command of Allah Almighty’.

A woman called Umm Muhanad hails her husband for his bravery after his suicide bombing in Afghanistan.

And another article urges readers to give their lives for the Islamist cause.

It advises: ‘From martyrdom, the believer will gain security, safety and happiness.’

More traditional content for a women’s magazine includes features on the merits of honey facemasks, etiquette, first aid and why readers should avoid ‘towelling too forcibly’.

A trailer for the next issue promises tips on skin care – and how to wage electronic jihad.

Read more

I have to get this magazine. How many more beauty tips can you give to an Islamic Fundamentalist woman? Show more or less ankle, and try not to make your crotch look like Don King is tunneling through the floor from the basement. There. Every issue.

» 15 Comments

  1. ironyCurtain

    March 14th, 2011

    Who’s that hot fox on the cover? Grrrrowl!

    Thumb up +2

     
  2. Corona

    March 14th, 2011

    Still better than Newsweek.

    Thumb up +6

     
  3. FreakyBoy

    March 14th, 2011

    Good idea Ginger. I’ll get it started.

    “How to tell if your man is cheating with his goat”.

    “Should you fake orgasm without a clitoris?”.

    Cosmo Jihad Quiz: Are You His Favorite Wife?

    Thumb up +7

     
  4. FreakyBoy

    March 14th, 2011

    “Beatings: Is It True Love?”

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. Bill

    March 14th, 2011

    “There are exclusive interviews with martyrs’ wives, who praise their husbands’ decisions to die in suicide attacks.”

    Well Duh! Now they aren’t being beaten or raped by their dead husbands!

    Thumb up +5

     
  6. anarchocapitalist

    March 14th, 2011

    “has advice for singletons on ‘marrying a mujahideen’.”

    Are you sure they didn’t say simpletons?

    Thumb up +5

     
  7. FreakyBoy

    March 14th, 2011

    “Chickpeas and Dates: Great New Recipes That Will Keep Your Burka Sexy”.

    Thumb up +2

     
  8. Debbie

    March 14th, 2011

    Who’s going to know if their skin is clear or not?

    Thumb up +4

     
  9. Major Mal function

    March 14th, 2011

    Islamic beauty tip: How common kitchen meat tenderizer will clear stoning/whipping bruises right up.

    Thumb up +1

     
  10. FreakyBoy

    March 14th, 2011

    “How To Keep Your Male Relative Chaperone Satisfied While He Drives You The Local Bazaar”

    Thumb up +3

     
  11. Call me Lennie

    March 14th, 2011

    Cleaning The New AK-74 SMS: Even more idiot proof than the AK-47.

    Thumb up 0

     
  12. Call me Lennie

    March 14th, 2011

    Allah Akbar! New Calligraphy Stylings For Your Son’s Burial Shroud

    Thumb up +2

     
  13. Nunya

    March 14th, 2011

    ‘From martyrdom, the believer will gain security, safety and happiness.’

    And don’t we all want muzzies to FEEEEEEEL secure, safe, and happy? Seems to me we sh/could help them along in their goal to martyrdom

    @topic: covergirl for the Raghead Swimsuit Issue: http://vladtepesblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/burkini-picture-purple.jpg

    Thumb up +1

     
  14. SgtZim

    March 14th, 2011

    I get to play “gun-grammar-nazi” today.
    Not a submachine gun on the cover, AKs are not subsonic, nor do they fire pistol rounds.

    Thumb up 0

     
  15. anarchocapitalist

    March 14th, 2011

    BARE FEET!!!

    That WHORE should be stoned…or gang raped.
    Hey, how ’bout we do BOTH!

    Thumb up 0