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Climate Change mad scientists now want to mutilate cows

Home - by - April 9, 2014 - 14:45 America/New_York - 18 Comments

FT

Scientists seek climate-friendly cow of the future

A White House climate initiative has boosted a quixotic search for the “cow of the future”, a next-generation creature whose greenhouse gas emissions would be cut by anti-methane pills, burp scanners and gas backpacks.

Carbon dioxide from fossil fuels is the primary man-made gas warming the planet, but methane is far more potent and the US’s biggest source of it is its 88m cattle, which produce more than landfill sites, natural gas leaks or hydraulic fracturing.

The Obama administration’s launch last month of a plan to curb methane emissions has given fresh relevance to climate-friendly technologies for cattle that range from dietary supplements and DNA gut tests to strap-on gas tanks.

Juan Tricarico, director of the Cow of the Future project at the Innovation Center for US Dairy, an Illinois research institute, said the initiative had boosted his quest to create the “star athlete” of the bovine world.

“For us it is very encouraging because it basically demonstrates that important players out there are thinking in similar ways to us,” he told the Financial Times.

But he said there were common misconceptions about where cattle methane comes from. “Ninety-seven per cent of all the methane gas is released by the front end through burps, not from the back end,” he said.

Based on his research priorities, the dairy cow of the future will be the unstressed inhabitant of spacious accommodation, munching on anti-methane gourmet grains that are processed by an efficient, best-in-species digestive system.

“We want it to be more productive, we want it to be healthier, we want it to be a problem-free cow,” said Mr Tricarico.

Methane accounts for 9 per cent of US greenhouse gas emissions and does not linger in the air as long as CO2, but it has a global warming effect more than 20 times greater than CO2, the White House says.

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» 18 Comments

  1. Left Coast Dan

    April 9th, 2014

    Just say no to GMO cows! They’ll probably be developed by that evil Monsanto.

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  2. greetingsfromyonkers

    April 9th, 2014

    So they want to mutilate cows?

    Good, let them start with Moochelle.

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  3. Bob

    April 9th, 2014

    Ah yes more “green” phantasmagoria to save the world

    Future generations are going to laugh their asses off at this the same way that we laugh at 19th century snake oil tonics, flat-earthers and other pseudo science

    Thumb up +9

     
  4. grayscape

    April 9th, 2014

    If only we had this Progressive technology 150 years ago we could have prevented the extinction of the American Bison and war…all at the same time.

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  5. scizzorbill

    April 9th, 2014

    Monitoring cow flatulence is a shovel ready job for under employed rump rangers.

    Thumb up +3

     
  6. fullcirclethinker

    April 9th, 2014

    If this is true, then humans are far more numerous and present a double whammy: Methane (farting) and carbon dioxide (exhaling).

    I guess aborting 50 million of our own (and counting), trumpeting a lifestyle that won’t result in reproducing (homosexuality), and Federal funding of birth control methods (condoms and birth control pills) isn’t enough.

    Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus!

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  7. Stirrin the BS

    April 9th, 2014

    “…Juan Tricarico, director of the Cow of the Future project at the Innovation Center for US Dairy, an Illinois research institute, said the initiative had boosted his quest to create the “star athlete” of the bovine world…”
    !snip!

    These people are just fuckin’ nutjob whackos, and they’re living off our hard earned money while they pursue their worthless hairbrained theories.

    “…“Forget coal, Forget cars. The fastest way to address climate change would be to dramatically reduce the amount of meat people eat,” he said…”
    !snip!

    And now the frickin vegans are joining bovine-made global warming whackos. The inmates are running the asylum.

    Are there any adults left? My head hurts.

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  8. The Lost Dog

    April 9th, 2014

    CO2 is not the worst “greenhouse gas”. CO2 makes up about %3-%4 of our atmosphere. Pretty scary that we might raise that by an infinitesimal fraction, huh?

    Water vapor is by FAR the biggest warmer on the planet.

    Don’t tell Obama. We may have to drain the oceans.

    What a bunch of idiots these climate change people are

    Thumb up +9

     
  9. norman einstein

    April 9th, 2014

    And Nero only fiddled while Rome burned.

    Thumb up +3

     
  10. Nick

    April 9th, 2014

    They should fit them with those new filtering underwear!

    Thumb up +1

     
  11. dude

    April 9th, 2014

    Mooch can out-fart any herd of cows

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  12. bitterclinger

    April 9th, 2014

    What a bunch of horse manure. They just want to outlaw meat by running ranchers out of business.

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  13. Lowell

    April 9th, 2014

    Could just install a pilot light under the bunghole.

    Works for frat boys.

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  14. Racer X

    April 9th, 2014

    Stirring the BS: Yes, there are adults left. The sad part is, the adults aren’t running things–they’re working to provide the funds for these idiots.

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  15. Racer X

    April 9th, 2014

    Stop the madness already! The waste of tax dollars is making my head explode. Global warming is crap, yet how much are we spending tilting at that windmill? We’ve managed to neuter NASA, first by changing their mission to make Muslims feel good about their contribution to the space program(?) and now by doing away with our ability to shuttle our own astronauts into space. And for what? So we can pay people not to work, worry about cow farts, blow money on failing green energy projects but not support viable shale energy, and destroy our healthcare system. Awesome.

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  16. MilitantFenwick

    April 9th, 2014

    A barn blows up in Germany, so now we have to alter an entire species?

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  17. Bob

    April 9th, 2014

     
  18. Paul

    April 9th, 2014

    Progressive vegetarianism. Having watched bids that poo poo meat consumption I would like to make one point clear before our minds get sucked up in this mess. The God of Abraham Issac and Jacob, allows it.
    So if we get to the point where man says “no meat consumption”, but God says “Eat, its OK”, WHO will we listen to?

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