The Daily Rash
NEW YORK – Internationally famous meteorologist and comedian, Rosie O’Donnell, has determined that global warming is the culprit behind last week’s deadly tornadoes. O’Donnell shared the results of her research during an interview on NPR this morning, confirming what other celebrity scientists have been warning about for quite some time.
“Miss O’Donnell is in her laboratory sixteen, sometimes eighteen hours a day,” her publicist told reporters during a telephone conference. “She some how manages to squeeze in time for daily radio and TV shows, raise her children and cook large beef-based meals between climate experiments and other cerebral science stuff. She’s a busy woman who knows no boundaries.”
Fellow scientist and entertainer, Bill Maher, concurred with O’Donnell’s findings that global warming is causing killer tornadoes. He also claims that if people would smoke more pot, purchase prostitutes and burn their bibles it would make life much easier by helping to ease the agony of their impending annihilation that is guaranteed by the calamitous effects of global warming. When asked if burning bibles wouldn’t contribute to more global warming, Mr. Maher smirked and called the questioner an “asshole.”
In a recent interview with Science Magazine from his lab at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, famed astro physicist and television actor, Alec Baldwin, said that he not only concurred with his colleagues O’Donnell and Maher, but claims his research in atmospheric phenomena and his long term experiments with wind patterns, co2 cosmology and barometric pressure has convinced him that not only is global warming causing devastating tornadoes, but it is almost certain to have a hand in the recently discovered sporadic mating rituals of the western Phrynosoma platyrhinos, more commonly known as the horny toad.
“My research has led me to conclude that global warming has confused the horny toad and instead of mating, sometimes they just dance for several days and then pass out,” Baldwin said. MORE