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GIRL, DON’T BE WEARING NO THONG SWIMSUIT IN MYRTLE BEACH!

Home - by - May 27, 2013 - 17:00 America/New_York - 25 Comments

AWD

In Myrtle Beach, you better wear a respectable swimsuit! And you better show some respect for the Myrtle Beach Police author-i-tah! They don’t play around! Believe me, AWD has bailed out a few friends when I was a yoot causing trouble in Myrtle Beach. Probably from drinking all those dollar margariters!

Tiara Monique Garness, 22, of High Point, N.C., was arrested at 5 a.m. Friday in the 1700 block of Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Her crime? Being in possession of an unlawful thong swimsuit and having a big, bodacious boo-tay in public view.

Tiara Monique was warned twice by the MB constabulary (that’s police for all y’all goat ropers) and she told them:

“I ain’t going to cover up my got-damn thong swimsuit at got-damn Myrtle Beach and there ain’t a got-damn thang y’all can do about it. Ya’ll ain’t nuffin’ but a bunch of racists!”

She was shortly thereafter arrested for wearing a got-damn thong when it’s against the got-damn law to wear one in got-damn Myrtle Beach. Especially at 5 am in the got-damn manana. Allah knows AWD don’t want to even think about that thong if Tiara Monique had been wearing it all day until 5 the next morning! Here’s a photo of Tiara:

I think she’s lost her bridle!

AWD has a rule about swimsuits. If you’re a male, you need a big swimsuit. No Speedo’s or other swimwear popular with Democrats. AWD’s swimsuit could easily house a family of four comfortably just in the buttoid region. I could fit at least two illegal aliens in the crotchtal region up front. Anything with less material would identify the wearer of such as a European. Or a yankee. Or a Democrat. None of which will enhance your opportunities of reelin’ in the biscuit with a Southern babe in Myrtle Beach.

If you’re a womern, keep your swimsuit respectable. At Myrtle Beach, preferably a bikini with a Confederate Flag design. Always a crowd pleaser. But watch out for thongs. Especially if you have a bit in your mouth!

It’s entirely possible Tiara Monique might have been wearing just a regular swimsuit that was just swallowed by her bootilicious boo-tay. But a word to the wise….if you go to MB, you better have your big ol’ butt covered up. And you better not act like a yankee or you’re going to end up in the hoosegow.

AWD used to Spring Break in Myrtle Beach (actually Ocean Drive in North Myrtle Beach) when he was but a mere yoot in high school. Lawd, I can’t tell the stories here because either my mama or my high school girlfriend’s mama might read them and drive right on down to Texas and kill my big, sexy ass! Let’s just suffice it to say that AWD had more fun than a little bit. And I take the Fifth on everything else! MORE

» 25 Comments

  1. AbigailAdams

    May 27th, 2013

    C’mon, now, I can’t be the very first person to comment on this.

    As many of you know, I am a Christian woman with a lot of opinions. I’ve been working and praying diligently to arrive at that place where I don’t feel the urge to share my opinion on everything. So I won’t say a word about the pictures, but I can’t let it pass without saying that AWD is about the funniest writer around.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  2. Bad Brad

    May 27th, 2013

    Man I’m glad I had lunch before I saw that. Gotta be Europe.

    Thumb up +3

     
  3. Anonymous

    May 27th, 2013

    Do they make a muumuu swimming suit? It should be illegal to wear a thong if you look like that.

    10. – yes
    9. – yes
    8. – maybe
    7.- 1- FUK No

    Thumb up +2

     
  4. Tony R

    May 27th, 2013

    Whoever took that photo should have shown it to the subject. Jeeze, don’t y’all have any mirrors back there?

    Thumb up +5

     
  5. Moe Tom

    May 27th, 2013

    Abigail. Let me make an observation. If the Lady in the first photo wore a bathing suit like Debora Kerr wore in “From Here To Eternity” she would look ……just fine.
    As for moushelle’s sister in photo two. No comment.

    Thumb up +8

     
  6. pizzago

    May 27th, 2013

    She puts the ugh in ugly.

    Thumb up +8

     
  7. Goldenfoxx

    May 27th, 2013

    “I ain’t going to cover up my got-damn thong swimsuit at got-damn Myrtle Beach and there ain’t a got-damn thang y’all can do about it. Ya’ll ain’t nuffin’ but a bunch of racists!”

    They all play that race card don’t they? Has nothing to do with race honey, it has to do with your big naked butt.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  8. Bad Brad

    May 27th, 2013

    Hey Baby, what’s your sign? “Wide Load”

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  9. sig94

    May 27th, 2013

    That’s no bridle, them there’s the new modern electrodes, She’s FrankenBooty!

    Thumb up +8

     
  10. norman einstein

    May 27th, 2013

    That’s a whore, and a fugly one, too.

    5:00 am cruisin’ the beach in a thong…GMAFB.
    Looks like they bolted her mouth shut…so there’s THAT.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  11. conservative cowgirl

    May 27th, 2013

    I was feeling a little hungry before I viewed that photo. Not so much now.

    AWD is SO hilarious!! That makes up for the photo!

    Thumb up +4

     
  12. Claudia

    May 27th, 2013

    Just one comment on that first picture – walnut between the butt-ocks ,,, CRACK!

    Thumb up +4

     
  13. Ricky

    May 27th, 2013

    the pic of black chic.. is she foaming at the mouth??.. someone needs to see if her rabies shot is current!

    Thumb up +1

     
  14. Death_By_Farts

    May 27th, 2013

    Well Brad, at least you kept your lunch down…
    I wasn’t so lucky…

    Thumb up +2

     
  15. Anonymous

    May 27th, 2013

    Do they make a scratch and sniff photo yet? If they do, BFH, please scratch and tell me what it smells like. On second thought, please don’t!!!!

    Thumb up +1

     
  16. Anonymous

    May 27th, 2013

    I heard it smelled like a shithouse door off of a tuna boat….

    Thumb up +2

     
  17. jclady

    May 27th, 2013

    Only problem I have with AWD’s rant is his comment related to the Confederate Flag. Blasphemy, I tell ya!!!!!

    Many years ago, we had a family move into our neighborhood from another country. The mom/wife showed up at our family pool in a thong and was promptly told to leave by every mother at the pool.

    Some things just need to be kept private.

    Thumb up +5

     
  18. Debbie

    May 27th, 2013

    Clenching your butt cheeks doesn’t make ya look thin, honey.

    Thumb up +5

     
  19. jclady

    May 27th, 2013

    @Debbie — 10,000 TU!!!!

    Thumb up +3

     
  20. 99th Squad Leader

    May 27th, 2013

    Photo – Young at heart, butt nowhere else.

    Article – Hooker with the heart of a troll.

    Thumb up +2

     
  21. Maudie N Mandeville

    May 27th, 2013

    I see two eye in the back of her head. I wonder what you see in her crotch?

    Thumb up +2

     
  22. Anonymous

    May 27th, 2013

    I see the two eyes also in the top photo. If you look real close it looks like a labra-doodle.

    Thumb up +2

     
  23. judgeroybean

    May 27th, 2013

    If ya OD’d on Viagra, once glance of this otta letcha down.

    Thumb up +2

     
  24. Callmelennie

    May 27th, 2013

    Can’t stand looking at it — might enjoy laying on it, though

    At least she’s be covered up

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  25. joe

    May 28th, 2013

    Where’s the thong?

    Thumb up +1