In Myrtle Beach, you better wear a respectable swimsuit! And you better show some respect for the Myrtle Beach Police author-i-tah! They don’t play around! Believe me, AWD has bailed out a few friends when I was a yoot causing trouble in Myrtle Beach. Probably from drinking all those dollar margariters!
Tiara Monique Garness, 22, of High Point, N.C., was arrested at 5 a.m. Friday in the 1700 block of Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Her crime? Being in possession of an unlawful thong swimsuit and having a big, bodacious boo-tay in public view.
Tiara Monique was warned twice by the MB constabulary (that’s police for all y’all goat ropers) and she told them:
“I ain’t going to cover up my got-damn thong swimsuit at got-damn Myrtle Beach and there ain’t a got-damn thang y’all can do about it. Ya’ll ain’t nuffin’ but a bunch of racists!”
She was shortly thereafter arrested for wearing a got-damn thong when it’s against the got-damn law to wear one in got-damn Myrtle Beach. Especially at 5 am in the got-damn manana. Allah knows AWD don’t want to even think about that thong if Tiara Monique had been wearing it all day until 5 the next morning! Here’s a photo of Tiara:
I think she’s lost her bridle!
AWD has a rule about swimsuits. If you’re a male, you need a big swimsuit. No Speedo’s or other swimwear popular with Democrats. AWD’s swimsuit could easily house a family of four comfortably just in the buttoid region. I could fit at least two illegal aliens in the crotchtal region up front. Anything with less material would identify the wearer of such as a European. Or a yankee. Or a Democrat. None of which will enhance your opportunities of reelin’ in the biscuit with a Southern babe in Myrtle Beach.
If you’re a womern, keep your swimsuit respectable. At Myrtle Beach, preferably a bikini with a Confederate Flag design. Always a crowd pleaser. But watch out for thongs. Especially if you have a bit in your mouth!
It’s entirely possible Tiara Monique might have been wearing just a regular swimsuit that was just swallowed by her bootilicious boo-tay. But a word to the wise….if you go to MB, you better have your big ol’ butt covered up. And you better not act like a yankee or you’re going to end up in the hoosegow.
AWD used to Spring Break in Myrtle Beach (actually Ocean Drive in North Myrtle Beach) when he was but a mere yoot in high school. Lawd, I can’t tell the stories here because either my mama or my high school girlfriend’s mama might read them and drive right on down to Texas and kill my big, sexy ass! Let’s just suffice it to say that AWD had more fun than a little bit. And I take the Fifth on everything else! MORE