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The People’s Valentine Guide to Dating Dictators
The People’s Cube
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.
- Define the degree of your compliance with his authority. Let him know if you find his dictatorial methods unacceptable; if this angers him, mark this as a red flag.
- Do not rely on the tyrant for transportation – you may wind up in a boxcar or in an armored vehicle, being interrogated by a dictator you don’t really know that well.
- Pay your own way. Ignore the traditional rule of the tyrant feeding his subjects. Most dictators tend to think that just because they bought you a meal with other people’s money, you owe them something at the end of the night.
- Don’t get high. In all reported violent revolutions, drugs and alcohol were a major factor. So for the first couple of dates, discuss the greater good of subjugating the individual to the state authority in a non-alcoholic setting. In addition, leaving your drink unattended around a dictator may lead to a speedy confiscation and redistribution of your property.
- Don’t let your guard down. It doesn’t matter if the dictator seems nice – keep an eye on your belongings. Watch your purse, wallet, tax records, and bank accounts. Being overly trusting may signal an easy target to a dictator with dictatorial intentions.
- Withhold personal information. Don’t divulge your ethnicity, political leanings, or if you have wealthy bourgeois relatives. Only after you have collected some compromising info on him is the dictator worthy of your trust.
- Keep a thorough, detailed record of your date – in writing, or with concealed audio or video recording equipment. Having incriminating evidence hidden in a safe place will help to ensure a lasting, fulfilling relationship.
MORE http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/the-peoples-valentine-guide-to-dating-dictators-t10707.html
Moxie Man
February 14th, 2013
Love to Putin you.
Hanoverfist
February 14th, 2013
Be Mao Valentine.
No Obama?
February 14th, 2013
He is making our country into a Banana republic.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2013
no Frank Marshall Davis card??
Claudia
February 14th, 2013
Well, now. I wish I had this information YESTERDAY!
Now I have to change all my credit card numbers and bank accounts.
Callmelennie
February 14th, 2013
Find out why they call me “The Impaler”, baby
Vlad Tepes
I just want to hoard your Mongol love
Genghis Khan
Debbie
February 15th, 2013
Moose: “Guide to dating dicktaters? I could write that book.”
Boobie the Rocket Dog
February 15th, 2013
For all the pictures out there of strange-looking vegetables, corn flakes shaped like Illinois, Virgin Mary in a butternut squash, Jesus on a bread-end, Hitler on a urinal cake, I have yet to see a TATER shaped like a DICK. Maybe a yam.
Czar of Defenestration
February 15th, 2013
OBAMA: “Yes We Can! steal my heart AND your paycheck!”
SgtZim
February 15th, 2013
Good idea Czar! Where are the Obama cards?
Let me show you my O face (also good for 15 April)
Let me Barack your world (in the gay valentine cards)
sig94
February 15th, 2013
Cuomo’s Valentine to NY:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If it holds 30 rounds
I’m coming after you.