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The People’s Valentine Guide to Dating Dictators

Home - by - February 14, 2013 - 22:15 America/New_York - 11 Comments

The People’s Cube


Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.

Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.


  • Define the degree of your compliance with his authority. Let him know if you find his dictatorial methods unacceptable; if this angers him, mark this as a red flag.


  • Do not rely on the tyrant for transportation – you may wind up in a boxcar or in an armored vehicle, being interrogated by a dictator you don’t really know that well.


  • Pay your own way. Ignore the traditional rule of the tyrant feeding his subjects. Most dictators tend to think that just because they bought you a meal with other people’s money, you owe them something at the end of the night.


  • Don’t get high. In all reported violent revolutions, drugs and alcohol were a major factor. So for the first couple of dates, discuss the greater good of subjugating the individual to the state authority in a non-alcoholic setting. In addition, leaving your drink unattended around a dictator may lead to a speedy confiscation and redistribution of your property.


  • Don’t let your guard down. It doesn’t matter if the dictator seems nice – keep an eye on your belongings. Watch your purse, wallet, tax records, and bank accounts. Being overly trusting may signal an easy target to a dictator with dictatorial intentions.


  • Withhold personal information. Don’t divulge your ethnicity, political leanings, or if you have wealthy bourgeois relatives. Only after you have collected some compromising info on him is the dictator worthy of your trust.


  • Keep a thorough, detailed record of your date – in writing, or with concealed audio or video recording equipment. Having incriminating evidence hidden in a safe place will help to ensure a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

MORE  http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/the-peoples-valentine-guide-to-dating-dictators-t10707.html



  1. Moxie Man

    February 14th, 2013

    Love to Putin you.

    Thumb up +4

  2. Hanoverfist

    February 14th, 2013

    Be Mao Valentine.

    Thumb up +6

  3. No Obama?

    February 14th, 2013

    He is making our country into a Banana republic.

    Thumb up +4

  4. Anonymous

    February 14th, 2013

    no Frank Marshall Davis card??

    Thumb up +4

  5. Claudia

    February 14th, 2013

    Well, now. I wish I had this information YESTERDAY!

    Now I have to change all my credit card numbers and bank accounts.

    Thumb up +5

  6. Callmelennie

    February 14th, 2013

    Find out why they call me “The Impaler”, baby

    Vlad Tepes

    I just want to hoard your Mongol love

    Genghis Khan

    Thumb up +6

  7. Debbie

    February 15th, 2013

    Moose: “Guide to dating dicktaters? I could write that book.”

    Thumb up +4

  8. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    February 15th, 2013

    For all the pictures out there of strange-looking vegetables, corn flakes shaped like Illinois, Virgin Mary in a butternut squash, Jesus on a bread-end, Hitler on a urinal cake, I have yet to see a TATER shaped like a DICK. Maybe a yam.

    Thumb up +1

  9. Czar of Defenestration

    February 15th, 2013

    OBAMA: “Yes We Can! steal my heart AND your paycheck!”

    Thumb up +3

  10. SgtZim

    February 15th, 2013

    Good idea Czar! Where are the Obama cards?

    Let me show you my O face (also good for 15 April)

    Let me Barack your world (in the gay valentine cards)

    Thumb up +2

  11. sig94

    February 15th, 2013

    Cuomo’s Valentine to NY:
    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    If it holds 30 rounds
    I’m coming after you.

    Thumb up +3