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For The Love Of All That’s Holy, Read This!

Home - by - February 13, 2013 - 17:00 America/New_York - 8 Comments

It may save your life one day.

from the Bullpen by KF previously titled: How to Avoid Huge Ships

KF’s comment after I was the only one to comment: “Next time I’ll put something in the first line to let people know it’s a funny topic and I haven’t accidentally taken a whole bottle of Algore’s Boredom Elixir & Sleep Aid.”

Reader reviews on Amazon:How To Avoid Huge Ships

Reads like a whodunnit!, by Citizenfitz
I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven’t been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus. Thanks captain!

TOO Informative., by Dan
Read this book before going on vacation and I couldn’t find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined.

This book is racist, but well-written., by Punksten
I have to say that I found this book extremely racist. I just wish the author didn’t feel the need to disparage huge ships on a regular basis.

I mean, I come from South Carolina — birthplace of the Civil War. When I lived there, which was like living in a five hundred mile trailer park with brothers marrying sisters and sisters marrying mothers and all that – that was difficult enough – but the big secret was how all the South Carolinians hated huge ships. Huge ships had to eat in different restaurants. Huge ships had to use different bathrooms. Children of huge ships grew up feeling inferior and “less than” their human brothers and sisters. [snip]

Desperately waiting for sequel, by John Hlinko “jhlink”
Yes, this was a great book, but what about those of us who are plagued by small and medium sized ships? I try to swim, I try to run, I try to climb tall buildings, but still they come — the ships. Endless rows of ships. Why must they torment me so?

Serious Business! Stop with the Jokes!, by D. Dudley
So I guess you’re all having fun with these reviews. Well it was not funny when in the winter of 1972 my father had to stop in the middle of the road because a huge ship had just crossed our path as we came home from a family visit. We had always heard the rumors of the big ships, but like everyone else we thought it was just over active imaginations. The stuff of legends. Well it still might be myth, and oh so funny to many of you, but that night my father was abducted by a huge ship, and we never saw him again. Imagine the pain we feel when we are forced to travel to a port city or see a news story about a huge ship! Would you laugh if it was your father? That is what I thought. Good day!

PS: I did think the chapter on bilge pumps was funny an informative,thus the extra star.

Do Not Read While on a Cruise, by Scott Kent
I decided to read this book while on a cruise. As you can probably guess…It did not end well. On the bright side I am a much better swimmer now.

Misread the title, by J Meyers
I had been to both my primary care doctor and my colon-rectal surgeon. Nothing seemed to help. Imagine how happy I was to come across a book tailor-made for my medical problem. Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the book I ordered was actually titled: “How To Avoid Big SHIPS.” Ah well, looks like I’ll be calling the plumber once again.

Here are two Honorable Mentions:

No Safety On Shore, By Smooge

I’ve written my own, and here it is …, by Captain Ovious

I picked ones I thought were funny. Go HERE to read all 36 pages of reviews, if you dare.


  1. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    February 13th, 2013

    In all seriousness, this was a very minor topic we covered in basic navigation – in particular, how to tell if an oil tanker is heading directly towards your sailboat at night. (Hint – if you see one light, get out of the way). But the topic was covered in about 90 seconds.

    Thumb up +4

  2. CharlieWalksonWater

    February 13th, 2013

    “How to Avoid Submarines” would also be helpful.

    Thumb up +3

  3. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    February 13th, 2013

    How to avoid banana peels would be helpful. Hip breaking bastids. Something oughta be done about them.

    Thumb up +3

  4. TexMark

    February 13th, 2013

    After having lived in that liberal mecca known as “Austin, TX”, I think a book on “How to Avoid Lezbos Who Blatantly Fart in Restaurants” would be most beneficial for the unwitting. Don’t worry about poofta boys, I think they’re too concerned over vanity to risk a stain from ripping one in public.

    Thumb up +3

  5. sig94

    February 13th, 2013

    This is why Barack Obama hates the Navy. As a child he was sexually abused by a huge ship.

    Thumb up +3

  6. sig94

    February 13th, 2013

    I just started to write a book about my first marriage, “How To Avoid Huge Boobs.”

    Thumb up +3

  7. KF

    February 13th, 2013

    Thank you Claudia !!

    Thumb up +2

  8. Nash Montana

    February 13th, 2013

    How to avoid drones?

    Thumb up +2