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American Citizens Split On DOJ Memo Authorizing Government To Kill Them

Home - by - February 8, 2013 - 22:00 America/New_York - 24 Comments

The Onion -

Following the release of a secret Department of Justice memo this week that outlines the administration’s legal justification for killing U.S. citizens, a new Pew Research Center poll has revealed that a majority of Americans are torn over whether they support the government’s right to kill them anywhere at any time without due process. “On the one hand, I get it—it’s important for the government to be able to murder me and any of my friends or family members whenever they please for reputed national security reasons. But on the other hand, it would kind of be nice to stay alive and have, maybe, a trial, actual evidence—stuff like that,”

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» 24 Comments

  1. Dan Ryan Galt

    February 8th, 2013

    You sure this isn’t a CNN pole?

    Thumb up +4

     
  2. Dan Ryan Galt

    February 8th, 2013

    It’s 10:20 PM here is Eastern Connecticut and we have about 20″ of snow so far. When can I expect the government to come and dig me out? Will the people in New York still without power get back to me on that?

    Thumb up +7

     
  3. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    February 8th, 2013

    On the bright side, this killing of Americans is free of charge. That’s right – a freebie for those OWSers still around. What’s not to like?

    Thumb up +7

     
  4. MaryfromMarin

    February 8th, 2013

    @Dan Ryan Galt–

    “A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty Hi-Yo, FEMA!”

    Thumb up +7

     
  5. Unruly Refugee

    February 8th, 2013

    Yeah, but those are just the people who couldn’t get jobs as extras in the hollywood movies where they do unreal shit like this.

    Thumb up +3

     
  6. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2013

    This country is gonna be pretty sparse after we send all these people to Mexico.

    But I’m all for it.

    Thumb up +6

     
  7. Bad Brad

    February 8th, 2013

    We need to send the half that agree shirts with bulls eyes on them.

    Thumb up +7

     
  8. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2013

    Hey Dan! What ya got to drink for the next 3 days?

    For me it would(and was after Sandy)be Sky.

    Thumb up +8

     
  9. MaryfromMarin

    February 8th, 2013

    Seriously, all you folks getting snowed on–hope you have supplies enough to get you through. Prayers coming your way.

    Thumb up +9

     
  10. Dan Ryan Galt

    February 8th, 2013

    MaryfromMarin- I’m not holdin my breath.

    Hanoverfist- I don’t drink (too much Welsh blood)so it’ll be coffee, Dr Pepper and Lipton Citrus Green Tea-and lots of trips to the outhouse.

    Thumb up +7

     
  11. Bad Brad

    February 8th, 2013

    Hanoverfist, Three days! I hope you don’t run out of ice. LOL

    Thumb up +7

     
  12. Dan Ryan Galt

    February 8th, 2013

    Thanks Mary. We have the generator and snow-blower ready to go so we should be okay. Keeping in touch with the neighbors too. We are lucky to have good friends around us.

    Thumb up +8

     
  13. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2013

    Brad I’m in Va
    Just wind ths time.

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. Bad Brad

    February 8th, 2013

    Hanoverfist, Good luck Bro. Enjoy the ride.

    Thumb up +4

     
  15. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2013

    Dan, keep the fire going,and pull the blankets up tight and well see you on the other side.

    Thumb up +7

     
  16. MaryfromMarin

    February 8th, 2013

    @Dan–

    The Welsh blood should keep you warm. Just keep singing (I’m allowed to say that–my husband’s family are all Welsh).

    Thumb up +4

     
  17. Moe Tom

    February 8th, 2013

    Here I sit, a quart of Dewars, a foot of snow outside and the wife tells me she lost the recipe for ice. Shit man.

    Thumb up +8

     
  18. Moe Tom

    February 8th, 2013

    If Ugly Waters and The HUM, have all that info on me
    I’m screwed. I’ll drink it straight. No ice.

    Thumb up +7

     
  19. Bad Brad

    February 8th, 2013

    Moe Tom, thank me later. Here’s the deal. Break off the ice cycles from your roof. Put them in a medium sauce pan and heat on super low. The should melt in an hour or so. Take the melted ice cycle juice and put them in a cube shaped container. Now put them back out side. Couple hours later, Ice cubes. Brilliant huh.

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  20. Bloodless Coup

    February 9th, 2013

     
  21. Shiny, Let's go be bad guys

    February 9th, 2013

    Bad Brad,

    That was EXCELLENT!!

    Thumb up +3

     
  22. Dan Ryan Galt

    February 9th, 2013

    Do you work for the government Bad Brad? While it should work fine, it sounds like the idea came from the Department of Redundancy Department.

    Thumb up +3

     
  23. Claudia

    February 9th, 2013

    Melting the icicle first will allow you to strain out any pieces of junk from your roof that may have frozen into the icicle.

    Then re-freeze the almost pure icicle “juice”. I doubt that you can get rid of the bird and squirrel pee, but if the newly re-frozen ice is used with alcohol, should at lease disinfect any particulates.

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  24. Moe Tom

    February 9th, 2013

    Thank you Brad. You are definely Congressional material. See how you cut through the red tape and came to my aid. Love it.

    Thumb up +2