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Screw MacGyver – We’ve Got MacCardigan

Home - by - February 2, 2013 - 08:16 America/New_York - 32 Comments

maccardiganf

» 32 Comments

  1. Dr. Tar

    February 2nd, 2013

    Thanks MacCardigan!

    I’d print up a copy of these suggestions and post them in my office, if I had an office anymore.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  2. RWF

    February 2nd, 2013

    Hahhahahahh! Funny as hell!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  3. Diann

    February 2nd, 2013

    LOL!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!

    Oh, dear. That’s a gut buster

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  4. Aunt Liz

    February 2nd, 2013

    Holy Cow!! That is HILARIOUS! I need to go make more coffee since what’s left of mine is all over my computer screen. :D

    Thanks for the HEARTY laugh this morning MacCardigan! Keep up the fine work!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  5. Jerry Manderin

    February 2nd, 2013

    ABSOLUTE genius!

    Thumb up +8

     
  6. Hanoverfist

    February 2nd, 2013

    “Toner Angel”LOL

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  7. Maudie N Mandeville

    February 2nd, 2013

    I’m not falling for this. You’re just making fun of a serious situation. You had me until the copy machine. They only go up to 99 copies. I’m keeping my scissors in my pants and a pocket full of peanut dust.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  8. Dadof3

    February 2nd, 2013

    I know what #3 is.

    It’s an embryonic form of Cast Away Wilson – a sub-species of volleyball.

    http://www.indyprops.com/pp-wilson.htm

    Thumb up +7

     
  9. Corky

    February 2nd, 2013

    Oh my, yesterday I was talking to a young whippersnapper about having to type my research papers on a real typewriter and how happy we were when “white out” came out (loved the paper variety) and now you show a typewriter eraser. Gosh, I am old.

    Hilarious though!!

    Thumb up +8

     
  10. Billy Fuster

    February 2nd, 2013

    MacCardigan, I feel you’ve saved my life (emphasis on FEEL).

    Thumb up +9

     
  11. Czar of Defenestration

    February 2nd, 2013

    *I’d* opt for shaking a coke can REEEEEEEAAAALLLLLYY
    hard and spraying the assailant.

    WARNING: using Mentos in conjunction is not allowed in NY.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  12. Mrs Compton

    February 2nd, 2013

    Fabulous, is there a bigger version? Tried to share it on FB and it’s teeny tiny, can’t read all the good stuff!

    Thumb up +5

     
  13. Claudia

    February 2nd, 2013

    Don’t be dissing my MacGyver!

    Oh, wait. He hates guns. F*uck him!

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. Anonymous

    February 2nd, 2013

    BFH – That’s OUT STANDING!! Your best yet. Be advised, however, with this one you’ve certainly earned your place on the shit-list at DHS.

    Note to DHS: We are not laughing AT you, we are laughing WITH you. Really, Honest… Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

    I fully expect the next DHS advisory circular to come with the same freedom of speech restriction the White House house placed on their anti-skeeter propaganda photo of Obama holding a teleprompter shaped exactly like a shotgun.

    Thumb up +4

     
  15. norman einstein

    February 2nd, 2013

    He forgot the deadliest office secret weapon of all…
    ambush the SOB and drag him into a management meeting.

    The poor bastard will instantly fall into a boredom coma.
    He can then be bundled into the ‘Recycle’ bin to repose until pickup day.
    Or, hopefully, the night cleaning staff will find him and just shoot him full of holes.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  16. Team America

    February 2nd, 2013

    Mr. Pinko, you’re not FIRED today but Cardigan is. Sorry.

    Thumb up +1

     
  17. Moxie Man

    February 2nd, 2013

    McMoxieMan is on his way to Staples to stock up, before those lethal office supplies are banned.

    Thanks, Cardigan, F&*#kin’ Hilarious!

    Thumb up +7

     
  18. Unruly Refugee

    February 2nd, 2013

    I never would have thought of any of those. Thanks MacCardigan, now I can feel safe in the office again!

    Thumb up +8

     
  19. Tuesday

    February 2nd, 2013

    Oh man, I am so screwed! Our windows don’t open and my white-out comes out of a roller! But, that copy guy…I out of this world! Name please. hehe

    Thumb up +6

     
  20. cfm990

    February 2nd, 2013

    Paper clips (not the hollow point ones) and rubber bands(not semi auto) can be used,
    Better to be water coolered by twelve, than gossiped by six.

    Thumb up +4

     
  21. Doc

    February 2nd, 2013

    This is some of the most innovative real world solutions to an office environment shooting I’ve seen in years. I’m going to forward this to all of my friends that still have jobs and hope that it will help keep them safe.

    THANKS MACCARDIGAN

    Thumb up +7

     
  22. Annie

    February 2nd, 2013

    @ ambush the SOB and drag him into a management meeting

    Purdy good but … send him a global, mandatory-attend invite to a STAT telecon attended by teams in every country on the globe chaired by a person for whom English is their 4th language.

    Thumb up +4

     
  23. Cardigan MacCardigan

    February 2nd, 2013

    You’re welcome, citizens! It was my pleasure!
    *Stands proudly with hands at waist -
    smiles- Bright flash of tooth twinkle* :D

    Thumb up +9

     
  24. Claudia

    February 2nd, 2013

    Cardigan, you need to get yourself a super hero gravatar!

    Thumb up +8

     
  25. MaryfromMarin

    February 2nd, 2013

    I forwarded this to a friend of mine. My friend’s response was:
    __________

    “I favor eating lots of beans and carrying a lighter so I can improvise a flamethrower. Note: will not work with coffee beans.

    The lighter could also be used to set a fire, into which you throw a handful of bullets, followed by yelling “fire” (assuming you don’t work in a crowded theater). This uses the commerce clause (buying bullets) and the First Amendment (yelling “fire”) instead of the soon-to-be-illegal Second Amendment. Assuming you can actually find ammo, that is.”

    Thumb up +4

     
  26. MaryfromMarin

    February 2nd, 2013

    P.S. now I’m really GLAD I bought all those hair clips. I had no idea they were so multipurpose.

    Thumb up +4

     
  27. Menderman

    February 2nd, 2013

    It’s cold and I’m bored, so I Binged images of “MacCardigan”, and this is what I got:

    http://s8.thisnext.com/media/250×250/The-Mac-Cardigan-by-Comune_D98EBD48.jpg

    Thumb up +2

     
  28. MaryfromMarin

    February 2nd, 2013

    @Menderman–

    OUR Cardigan wouldn’t be caught dead in a basic black V-neck. (Make of that RACIST! comment what you will.)

    Thumb up +3

     
  29. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    February 2nd, 2013

    My experience indicates that some of this advice is crap.

    A deranged postal worker broke into our office building, so I decided to use the “White Out” tactic. I rushed down to the supply administrator, and filled out my request for White-Out in triplicate, only to be told that my request could not be filled until I provided not only my employee badge, but a photocopy of my driver’s license, a major credit card and proof that I had passed the “White Out Safety Test.” I rushed upstairs, obtained the required documents, gave the approved supply request form to the clerk to be filled. 30 minutes later, I had 12 bottles of “White Out,” along with 60 No. 2 lead pencils for some reason.

    I then ran to an empty supply closet, locked the door, took off my clothes and liberally applied the White Out. (I should note that I was subsequently disciplined for discriminating against LGBT, minority, female and handicapped co-employees for appropriating a supply closet solely for me). I then stood motionless against the wall in the employee break room and waited, with my eyes closed as instructed, until at least three federally mandated rest break periods had passed. Shortly thereafter, the police arrived to take care of the situation, only to find that the deranged postal worker had already shot 25 employees, claimed job stress as a defense, and had obtained a job as an assistant executive producer on the “Piers Morgan Show.”

    Technically, the “White Out Defense” kind of worked, but it turns out that White Out contains a chemical compound which causes breathing problems, which was not disclosed on the label, and which landed me in the hospital. Furthermore, while recovering I was served with an EPA lawsuit because I washed the White Out off in the shower, and the stuff is apparently a potential danger to any spotted owls that may be inhabiting our city sewer system. I’m not even going to to into the “second hand White Out fumes” charges leveled against me by various co-workers.

    Thanks for nothing, MacCardigan.

    Thumb up +5

     
  30. MaryfromMarin

    February 2nd, 2013

    @Wyatt–

    With that many personal disasters, you qualify for FEMA relief. My condolences.

    Thumb up +3

     
  31. Moe Tom

    February 2nd, 2013

    Czar. Sorry no coke cans allowed. But you could have the kids and teachers train on how to sneak up behind the shooter and stab him in the ear with a 2H pencil. That should certainly distract him or her, let’s not forget the possibility of “hers’ in the future, long enough to……… oh gimmeafukinbreak!

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  32. Moe Tom

    February 2nd, 2013

    Wyatt. Funny. I did not get the pencil idea from you. I learned about it in a Joseph Wambagh book.
    Also from knowing of innercity schoolteachers who reported some serious pencil stabs over the years.
    Very, very painful, as you can imagine. Great weapon, but only in an ambush????

    Thumb up +1