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I Remember When Romney Attacked That Guy With the Assault Scissors

Home - by - January 31, 2013 - 11:13 America/New_York - 33 Comments

The left really was traumatized by that story, so much so they are now recommending it as a means of defense in lieu of your confiscated gun. Personally, I would go with the hot pot of coffee, followed by a thrashing with a handful of plastic stirrers.

 

NY Post

Homeland Security recommends defending yourself with scissors in the event a crazed gunman starts shooting up your workplace.

 

» 33 Comments

  1. BILL

    January 31st, 2013

    but what if i work in a “scissor free zone”?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  2. BigFurHat

    January 31st, 2013

    But… you cant run with scissors!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  3. Claudia

    January 31st, 2013

    Now I KNOW Homeland Security can’t be thinking about those evil deadly pointy attack scissors. They mean the blunt ones given to kids in schools.

    Although, it should be outlawed to file the blunt ends to a point. But then only criminals will have pointy scissors.

    Thumb up +7

     
  4. eternal cracker p

    January 31st, 2013

    There was a report on TV a couple weeks ago where an armed civilian was to pull out a concealed gun in a classroom setting to take out a shooter. They “proved” that an ordinary person grabbing a concealed weapon before they, themselves, get shot was nearly “impossible.” They had to perform 2 tasks: remove the gun and shoot it. Remember, this turned out to be near impossible.

    Yet, the 30-40 steps you’re suppose to remember and carry out in this easy-to-follow instructional video will most certainly save your life.

    Riiiiiiiiiiight.

    Thumb up +9

     
  5. Stranded in Sonoma

    January 31st, 2013

    Excuse me, but in schools, the scissors look like this and this.

    Those are going to work well. Great strategy, Napoleon!

    Thumb up +6

     
  6. Joe Smith

    January 31st, 2013

    What if my scissors have a pistol grip and threaded shears? Are they illegal assault scissors?

    Thumb up +9

     
  7. Joe Smith

    January 31st, 2013

    Life imitates art.

    http://youtu.be/ByZqx30OvVs

    Monty Python’s self defense training.

    Thumb up +6

     
  8. srdem65

    January 31st, 2013

    What a waste of time and money to produce this misleading helpful advice.
    Here is the answer; take a handgun to work, put it on top of your desk and be prepared to shoot.

    Thumb up +8

     
  9. normaneinstein

    January 31st, 2013

    Next up will be a “National Scissors Registry”.

    In order to own the dangerous steel, pointy kind of scissors, you will have to prove you are a tailor, barber, hairdresser or surgeon.

    The scissors must be stored unassembled. The two blades to be stored separately, in special secure, locked scissor cabinets, with the screw stored in a separate location off-site.
    You must be certified by a licensed Scissors Training facility, subject to renewal annually.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  10. O'BlowMe Samich

    January 31st, 2013

    I know I’m a mite off tropics, but check out the NY Post headlines: they found Tawana Brawley!!!!

    Ever since she took off on that flight over the Pacific and founded a luggage company just before she bolted, most assumed she slept with the fishes.

    Haleluja, she’s b-a-a-a-a-a-a-c-c-c-c-c-k-k-k-k-k!!!

    http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?s=tawana+brawley

    Thumb up +1

     
  11. nobarack08

    January 31st, 2013

    gotta get me some high capacity sissors

    Thumb up +6

     
  12. Anonymous

    January 31st, 2013

    and this.. from the same group that’s practicing strafing the citizens of Miami???

    Thumb up +6

     
  13. MNHawk

    January 31st, 2013

    Yes, I figured the Hello Kitty Assault Bubble Blower that sent Pennsylvania Public Schools into lock down wouldn’t be recommended.

    So is it real scissors or the kind we had in grade school? We remembered paper smells last week. Remember the rounded scissors?

    Thumb up +5

     
  14. the aardvark

    January 31st, 2013

    They’ll ban scissors as well because some innocent kid could make a paper gun and find themselves in trouble with the school authorities. Rocks can be found anywhere and didn’t David kill Goliath with a stone. Hell, lets just ban everything. Problem solved. We’re in Cloud Coo-Coo Land my friends and its driving me nuts.

    Thumb up +7

     
  15. the aardvark

    January 31st, 2013

    Staplers are next. They have a high capacity magazine you know.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +11

     
  16. bitterclinger

    January 31st, 2013

    I have an elderly friend who’s big on slim bottles of hot sauce w/added vinegar. He advises ladies (without CCP) to carry it in their purses and aim for the eyes.

    Thumb up +3

     
  17. jeckelmyhyde

    January 31st, 2013

    I might get under a desk…..to reload.

    Thumb up +6

     
  18. Maudie N Mandeville

    January 31st, 2013

    Janet Napolitano probably learned the scissors as assault weapon from a lesbian doctor friend at Planned Parenthood. “Just make sure you stab them in the base of the skull.”

    Thumb up +8

     
  19. Piker

    January 31st, 2013

    They forgot to mention that paid actors hired by the Dept. of Homeland Securtity may arrive to play the part of victims and witnesses for the govt. controlled media, do not interfere with their efforts to undermine the 2nd amendment and further erode your civil rights.

    Thumb up +4

     
  20. xtacsgt

    January 31st, 2013

    Could this be true???

    Why is it that none of the disturbed and evil men who steal guns, then go and kill
    movie-goers and children in school, has ever been identified as a conservative
    NRA member? Here’s why:

    Ft Hood~~~ Registered Democrat ~ Muslim

    Columbine~~~ Too young to vote; both families were registered
    Democrats and progressive liberals

    Virginia Tech~~~ Wrote hate mail to President Bush and to his staff ~
    Registered Democrat

    Colorado Theater~~~ Registered Democrat; staff worker on the Obama campaign; Occupy Wall Street participant;
    progressive liberal

    Connecticut School Shooter- ~~~ Registered Democrat; hated Christians

    Common thread: All of the shooters were progressive liberal Democrats.

    INTERESTING, isn’t it?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  21. Anonymous

    January 31st, 2013

    From snow shoveling advice to scissor defense tactics, DHS appears to be struggling for relevance.

    Thumb up +8

     
  22. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    January 31st, 2013

    From my cold, dead, desk!

    BTW, Maudie- I was thinking the same thing.

    Thumb up +7

     
  23. old_oaks

    January 31st, 2013

    I’m so glad I no longer work at a corporate high rise in the city. I can’t even imagine suffering through the BS safety drills and everything else with a desk full of work.

    Thumb up +4

     
  24. jeckelmyhyde

    January 31st, 2013

    They choose scissors because it is their weapon of choice when they are killing babies.

    Thumb up +6

     
  25. MaryfromMarin

    January 31st, 2013

    @eternal cracker p–

    “There was a report on TV a couple weeks ago where an armed civilian was to pull out a concealed gun in a classroom setting to take out a shooter. They “proved” that an ordinary person grabbing a concealed weapon before they, themselves, get shot was nearly “impossible.” They had to perform 2 tasks: remove the gun and shoot it. Remember, this turned out to be near impossible.”

    I call BS on this report; as I think you were doing, too. (Well, it was on TV, right? Of course it’s BS.)

    At any rate, serious firearms training concentrates on a person being able to draw and fire from CC in just a few seconds. Unless you are going to “telegraph” your intentions through idiotic body language (or even, as a Leftist might do, give a verbal heads-up–i.e., “halt, or I’ll shoot!”) I’d say there is a pretty good chance you’d take out the active shooter.

    I know several people personally who could do it.

    It’s despicable when the Left tries to discourage people from defending themselves.

    Thumb up +5

     
  26. Unruly Refugee

    January 31st, 2013

    I would like a discussion on which weapon or firearm would be more appropriate to defend oneself from an attacking Homeland Security agent.

    Thumb up +4

     
  27. MaryfromMarin

    January 31st, 2013

    @Unruly R–

    My initial suggestion would be a tactical nuclear weapon.

    But that’s just me.

    Thumb up +1

     
  28. Alxandro

    January 31st, 2013

    Are those the same scissors they use to perform abortions?

    Thumb up +2

     
  29. Dadof3

    January 31st, 2013

    xtacsgt, Another one for the books is Jared Laughner.

    He actualy worked on Gifford’s campaign. He shot Gabby because she was not going all out on leftist agenda. He felt betrayed.

    Thumb up +3

     
  30. eternal cracker p

    January 31st, 2013

    @MaryfromMarin, yes, my point exactly.

    Thumb up +1

     
  31. Four .45's

    January 31st, 2013

    My way is easier:
    #1 Kill the shooter with your legally carried handgun.
    #2 Now dial 911.

    Thumb up +1

     
  32. serfer62

    January 31st, 2013

    Warning! Warning! Warning!

    Its a federal offense to install a bayonet lug on sissors reguardless to length!!!

    Thumb up +1

     
  33. Tragic Redemption

    February 1st, 2013

    So….in other words…..sit back and be a victim. Then wait for the gov’t to come in and drag your lifeless corpse from the building.

    Smart plan.

    How about everyone has a gun at the office. That way, when the lone shooter comes in to shoot, he gets riddled with bullets…..

    Thumb up 0