India’s concept car is finally here! And it’s aptly named The TATA Nano. Especially if your name happens to be Nano. The proud makers of the Tata Nano boast that the car has no welding, it is actually glued together! Seriously, just like the planes you used to make with the rubber band propellers, which came apart at impact with a couch pillow.
The Tata Nano has upped the ante on the global race to develop the world’s smallest and most affordable cars. The following is a list of cars around the globe that are either in the market now, or will be released by early summer 2009.
Italy: The Arrivederci Thoma – At $1900, this car is actually cheaper than a casket, which is a fair market price considering the Arrivederci is made entirely of *wood. (*Construction Grade Balsa.)
France: The Au Revoir Philippe – Solid cheese construction. Our road tests showed that this auto is classically French, going from 0-60 in 4.8 seconds, in reverse.
Cuba: The Adios Amigos – Many were surprised to learn, considering it’s $1400 sticker price, that the Adios is entirely handmade, just like a $250,000 Rolls Royce. Turns out the Adios is actually made of hands. Avoid this vehicle.
Japan: The Banzai – already known for their small cars, the Banzai is definitely the smallest in Japan. The makers of the Banzai guarantee that you will only use one tank of gas for as long as you own the car. Actually, the exact wording in their ad is “The Banzai! You will only GET to use one tank of gas for as long as you own this car.” It also comes with a lifetime warrantee!
Israel – Shalom Shlomo – Nicknamed “The Fishbowl.” The Israelis have perhaps gone too far in terms of safety, the entire car, including the seats, steering wheel, engine, everything, is constructed of safety glass. *Tip – for only $200, upgrade to the tinted Shalom, you’ll thank us when you’re stuck out in the desert heat.
Frankly, this race to see who can develop the smallest most affordable car is getting tiresome. This is becoming like a silent auction, each person bidding in tiny increments. Well, our engineers here at iOWNtheWorld.com have said, “ENOUGH!” Like insanely out-bidding everyone for that lunch date with Gallagher, we have decided to construct, without a doubt, the world’s smallest and cheapest automobile (as long as automobile is defined as something that moves automatically.)
We, today, unveil the SeeYa Ernie.
The SeeYa Ernie (the Seeya was named “Ernie” in tribute to our messenger guy, who we paid 20 bucks to test drive the automobile) base model is constructed on a National Wholesale Liquidator office chair chassis, and is powered by a very earth friendly engine. Gravity. The SeeYa Ernie GT (model pictured) is retrofitted with a Tecumseh 850, 2 stroke (well, 3, if you count your own) mini bike engine. This clever use of gravity and gas makes this beast (which can attain speeds of 135 mph (downhill) and about 26 mph uphill (your results may vary depending on your weight… and the size of the hill) every bit as fuel efficient as the Prius.
As you can see in the photo, the SeeYa Ernie comes with a navigational system, no opinion steering, front brakes, 4 wheel drive, air conditioning, upper body restraint, and a *safety airbag. (*Driver must collide with an airbag.) It also had a cup holder, until Ernie dropped his coffee.
We offer these, by special order only, for an astonishing low cost of $299.04 – less tax, dealer prep, destination charge, undercoating and death certificate.
Special note: Ernie’s family has asked for donations to iOwnTheWorld.com in lieu of flowers. You can make these donations through paypal on our homepage. No, seriously, donate.