iOwnTheWorld.com

Look man, I gots all these baby mommas and I’m, like, on the go cause I aint got no money for child support and still get my cigs and T-bird. Now I aint of the favored colored ones, but I may have been the one in Wall St Occupy using that police car for muh business.

Please help a college student out!

+6

Because I will be a Grandpa real soon and it would give me a chance to teach (and give a way valuable signed copy to)my little girls kid that can be president in 2049 the way the real world works.

+5

I need it, because I ran out of sh!t to burn. Copies of the constitution, flags, Bibles.

+6

Whaa???

Dude, I got my Obama phone, EBT card, disability payments because I soaked out my unemployment checks.

Why should I not vote for an Obama third term?

+8

Cause we on the left need something to throw our darts at.

( getting proggie with it)

+5

Because thanks to Barry’s complete understanding of free market principles I am now so broke I can’t pay attention.

+4

Because Victoria didn’t write it and I’m entitled to it.

+9

Dammit, Stirrin…you stole my idea.

+5

Free food, free healthcare, free phones, why can’t I have a free book?

+8

OK, here is a different approach.

If I win the autographed copy of the Beautiful, talanted and witty Victoria Jacksons fantastic book, I will immediately send that copy to my Daughter, Torey (short for Victoria)and buy a copy for myself. That way, the next genaration gets smarter, and another book is sold.

+4

and her Mom wanted her to be named Victoria, but she was scared that she would end up being called ‘Vickie’ and she didn’t like that, so she Chose ‘Torey’…and we all know, pregnant Moms are the Kingdoms rulers! (and I liked it too!)

+5

Because my degree in the evolution of Wookies only landed me a job as a National State Park bathroom cleaner, I need some better advice.

+9

I wouldn’t read that crap if you gave it to me anyway!

+6

Because I need to read something while I’m at work ignoring the DMV customers.

+8

Yes. Your bow is too big.

+3

I am entitled to have it. Plus, if i get it, I will give you some ice cream.

+4

I DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN! YOU PEOPLE OWE IT TO ME.

+6

Because I laughed at all her anti-communist skits on SNL. Ruptured my pancreas I laughed so hard. I’ll trade the book for a new pancreas and then we can call it even.

+7

I want, therefore I get.

+3

This probably will not get me a book, but I have to say that I think you are the cat’s ass, Victoria!

+4

I’m entitled to a free copy because if you don’t give it to me I’ll just confiscate it along with your evil guns, nutjobs.

+4

Ok – a different approach:
Read Exodus 18.

+3

I DEMAND that book!

My momma gets free books and things each month and my granny gets free books and things every month. My great granny use to get free books before she died. Therefore, I am more than entitled to this free book. It has become a family tradition for me and I demand my share too. I also need to have this delivered by the third of the month. It will fit into the rest of my schedule.

+5

Because it is just what I need to hang on the wall next to the pictures of Stalin and Marx to complete the set.

+3

As bad as global warming is, I mean climate change, I am far more concerned about the Moon’s expanding orbit. Did you know the orbit of the Moon is expanding?! Someday the Moon will escape Earth’s gravity and humanity will pay the price!!! Join me and Al Gore as we lobby to divert as much American GDP to our pockets, I mean cause. Keep the Moon in place…FOR THE CHILDREN!! Now give me her book as I continue to raise hysterical incogent concern while offering no solutions.

+5

I’m gonna need that gift wrapped, too. Please don’t be difficult.

+7

I plan to hollow the book out so I can keep my stash in it.

+9

BECAUSE AMERICA IS RACIST! SEXIST! HOMOPHOBIC! GENDER NORMATIVE! (All caps gotta count for somethin’)

+5

I need it to indoctrinate my children with.

+3

Since I don’t believe in gun ownership, I need it to beat conservatives over the head with.

+6

For crying out loud…I didn’t vote in all 57 states for “FREE STUFF” for nothing.

+5

Cardigan, you just displayed why we need the 2nd amendment, you evil, tyrannical overlord!

+4

I’m entitled to your book because I’m a proud white-privileged member of the oppressive patriarchy and I said so.

+4

Because you didn’t write that book.

+7

I’ve toiled through my entire life. I’ve kept good union employees in thier jobs by repeating grades in school, keeping police on the job while a full patch member of a motorcycle club.

I’m a minority, hated and cheated out of what is rightfully mine my whole life. Held back by others who were given special treatment due to being favored by the color of thier skin or sex.

I’ve been virtually enslaved by my up-bringing. Always trying to do right, but being kicked in the teeth for it day in and day out. Having to work for evil, greedy rich people and in the end having to hand a large portion of it back.

I don’t have an Escalade or even chrome wheels on my ordinary car, nor a home HD theater, not even a 32″ flat screen to show for all my hard work.

I’m a christian, pro-life, almost middle class, biker, military veteran,soon to be out of debt, single dad, and to top off all of that I’m white …

+6

I need something to rest my foot on while I’m getting my pedicure

+3

Oh, I forgot — give me my book.

+4

What difference does it make…so why not give the book to ME.

(and you were on the radio here with Dan the “ox” on election day)

+4

gimmee-gimmee-gimmee!

+5

I work at the White House and I control Obama’s hit list. If I get the book I will make sure you’re not on it…

+3

I need that book to level the dining room table after I chewed off one of the legs of it back in 2008 when Victoria and Janine Turner were on O’Reilly and she called Obama a COMMUNIST! Since I couldn’t be there to defend dear leader and Bill wouldn’t wouldn’t do it. So I need that book before the royal family Obama should come to my house to dine on our regulated rations.

+8

Because I’ll occupy your house when you are out of town and I’ll crap in your sink if you don’t give me the book I so deserve.

+3

I deserve the book because I’m cute, like Victoria. I do silly things and look fabulous in bows and bright colors. When I answer the phone people ask me if my mom is home.

+3

…and deliver it to my $2.5mil Boca Raton Squat!

+4

I deserve Victoria’s book because I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me !!!

+7

Why do I deserve the book?
Two words: Drones.

+9

And I want that pearl jewelry you have on, too.

+4

How thick are those pages? I’m out of rolling paper.

+3

Seagulls from the movie finding Nemo… mine? Mine. Mine!

+2

Because I have Al Sharpton on speed dial.

+6

“You didn’t write that!”

+4

I deserve that book because my ass hurts.

Anything helps, God Bless You.

+6

OBAMABOOK!

+4

I don’t deserve it, I get no respect, not even here.

Why it was just last week, I was commenting on a post when DHS broke down my door, no respect I am telling you.

The head guy, someone named Janet asked if I had any weapons, I said, what do you need.

They took me on a jet to someplace in Cuber I think, when I was getting on the plane I was felt up and down. Now that part wasn’t that bad, but then Hillary balled in front of me for an hour about some guy named Ben Gazzy, no respect I am telling you.

+4

Because I saved enough carbon credits for a free copy, you global warming deniers!

Please ship it Fed-Ex Air.

+5

PS – Keep the book, plenty of Kor Rans here in Cuber to read.

+2

I am intitled to a free copy because I am a black female, in a wheelchair, I am deaf, blind and gay. I have 12 kids on the system and collect a lot of checks twice a month. I use my multiple EBT cards to pay for my sexual toys and medicare pays for my fertility meds. I have been on disability for 22 years.

+3

If you give it to me I will send Leotardo Dumbcraprio to pick it up during the next lap of his flight around the world to save the environment.

+5

Because my name is in print almost as big as Mr Tar’s in the Bullpen and if that’s not enough, I don’t care cause Obama will take it from you and redistribute it to anyway me especially when I tell DHS where you hide your 30 round clips because if I call them magazines they won’t know what I’m talkin about plus I tell some Muzzies that you draw cartoons of Big Mo, so give me the dog gone book and there won’t be any trouble.

Well, at least until I want something else for free.

+2

Gibs Me Dat!

+4

I don’t believe I can give a concise summary of why I deserve Ms Jackson’s new book until I know which of the Jackson families she is affilliated with. Is she one of LaToya’s sisters or is she an illegitimate daughter of Jesse the Marxist man o’ god. Will get back to you after doing some research at the most trusted site on the webz, Wikipedia.

+5

If you give it to me you won’t have to declare it as income….

+5

Excuse me! Exccuuuuuse ME!!

I’m entitled to TWO books. I can’t write a book, you can. “From each according to his ability. To each according to their need.”

TWO books! You wrote a book AND got it published. TWO books!

+7

I was just kidding with my last comment. I have been a fan of Victoria’s for what seems an eternity. I would leave all three of my wives for her.

+6

bubba apologizes to those before him, but bubba says that bubba deserves it.

+4

As a woman with fine, thin hair that will not support such a brazenly assertive bow, my self esteem has been irreparably damaged — I believe partial reparation could be provided by a free book.

+6

I need because if you don’t give it to me ….you’re racist!!!!

+4

Victoria rocks, I have her song “there’s a Communist in the white house” on my phone as a ring tone for the biggest 0bamanite I know

+4

I exist….give it to me!!!!!

+3

Because Ive never heard of Victoria Jackson.
I havent seen SNL in at least 15 years.Perhaps if it was still funnyy.
(Present company excluded*I think*)

+3

From a frustrated free book seeking Commie to an American Mommy:

The Obama’s are red
Joe Biden’s balls are blue
I’ll burn your damn book
And the American flag too

+3

Because it would cost me .99 cents to download it on my Obama Kindle.

+6

I want it and if I don’t get it, it’s because of the war on women. If I don’t get it, I’m going to get pointers from Sandra Fluke and then you’re going to have to give free copies to every woman!

+4

Give me the book, or I’ll drop trou and let the cop car have it.

+5

I am poor.

+5

Screw all of you liars, cheats and entitlement sucking butt leeches. I DESERVE the book because I am a gun loving, Constitution, 2nd amendment believing PATRIOT and will waste all of you to get this book!

+5

I have been a hard working, industrious, United States citizen all my life. I’ve been working in the private sector since I was in high school and have never held a gov’t job. I have had to update my resume’ on a continual basis due to “changes” in the economy. As new jobs opened up, I changed professions to take advantage of the economic upswing. I have held jobs in the petroleum industry, the computer industry, the software industry, the insurance industry, and the banking industry. I have provided a good life for my family while instilling conservative values in my children. I have raised them properly to understand that free enterprise and business are good, and that gov’t is bad as it causes almost all problems.

I am also a democrat and an inveterate liar. Gimme my free goddam book because I’m entitled to it, even if it is yours.

+7

Yes, your bow tie is too big to fail.

+8

Why I’m entitled to Vicky Jacksons new book:
I’m not entitled to anything except, Life,Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Good luck with your new book Victoria.

+4

I’m gonna need that book in braille. I plan on suing when I cut my finger on it.

+6

I need to be seen reading this book so I can get out of jury duty.

+8

Because I need to practice my eye-rolling

+6

Some dirty infidel burned my quran. What does your book say about jihad and goats? Are there any verses about dirty juice.?

+5

My mom’s the Obama phone lady and SEIU doesn’t pay her enough protesting nor is there an affirmative action program or voucher program that’ll give me the book for free. Lastly, my EBT card doesn’t buy toilet paper.

+4

Because my dad taught Steve Martin how to play the banjo at Disneyland back in the 60′s (true story).

+7

I need the book so I can carve out the pages to hide my Glock from the commie bastards when they start the gun confiscation.

+2

I need the book so I can understand what I did to the muslims to cause them to hate me so bad.

+2

I need the book, so when I send your name to Homeland Security they’ll have proof you’re a lone She-wolf and constitute a threat.

+4

I ‘m entitled to the book because the Mad German can’t afford a bow for his hair, and if I cut yours out like a paperdoll I’ll have one.

+2

I deserve your book, Victoria, because I WASN’T aborted! My mom had the burden of having me.

Damnit, I shouldn’t even be havin’ to ask!

+5

I deserve your book because I’m broke from spending all my EBT money at the casino.

+4

I’m entitled to it because its free.

+6

I’m entitled to your book because Obama said I’d get a free book if he was re-elected.

+2

I deserve your book so I can use the pages as makeshift toilet paper when I cut myself shaving which isn’t covered under Obamacare.

+2

I need your book so I can defend myself against burglars.

+8

I need your book so I can sell it on E-bay to buy drugs.

+7

I’m entitled to your book because you’re white and you owe me.

+5

book to be outlawed. brown shirts will be in touch.

bow = weapon = second amendment

+2

Born again, Protestant, white, Mayflower descendant, male, Texan, gun owner, land owner, pro-life, Jeep driver, 6′ 3″, 42 years old, married with two kids in the suburbs. Cheese sticks, I got nothin’.

+4

Man.. 124 people ahead of me again!!! Look, I overslept because I was up til 3am trying to fix our furnace cause we didn’t have heat, and my 3 babies was freezing cause I ain’t got no money to call no heat man, and I couldn’t call the rent lady because we behind on the rent… again! If I’da knowed that we was sposed to be here early, I woulda just stayed up all night and waited. But I’m here now, and if you gonna give away the book to the person who is most entitled, then you need to give it to me. Karl Marx (and Obama) says, “From each according to their ability, TO each according to their need”, right? Well I gaurantee I am the poorest brokest cracka in this contest! I got no money, no gas, no job, and no prospects. I do got a suv. But it’s a 20 yr old Blazer with no heat and no title/tags (shhhh.) that I got for $500. Bottom line… I fit the “Po White Trash” stereotype more than I’d like to admit! And I Love Victoria Jackson. She so reminds me of my sister. I liked her before I knew she was a Christian Conservative, but now I Love her. Plus, I’m hoping that if I win the autographed book, maybe one day I can sell it and make some money.

ON a related note, aside from the contest:
I wanted to say Thank You VJ. The movie you made about the couples retreat, I can’t remember the name right now, or even where I got it. But my wife and I watched it a couple months ago, and it has affected my marriage significantly. We saw much of ourselves in a mix of the characters. I related to the unreliable gambler as well as the main guy (I’m sorry I can’t remember their names. My memory comes and goes in weird ways) now I can’t remember why. But it made me realize how much I neglect my wife’s deepest needs, and made me realize that I have to EARN her respect and be worthy of her trust in my ability to be the head and spiritual leader of our family. And she also how her indifference and Well, I won’t go into all that, but anyway, I wanted to let you know that it had a positive effect on OUR lives, if no one else’s. Thank You.
George

+4

My grand daughter’s avatar says it all.

+4

I’m sure it says someplace that it’s my constitutional right to have this for free.

+4

I’m a lifelong victim. I grew up a flat chested, skinny, red-head, freckled girl named Kandi (Candy) and was oppressed by the Catholic schools I had to go to. I’m too emotionally damaged to make the money to buy the book. *sniff*

+6

With 128 comments ahead of me I would like to state

What difference, at this time, does it make?

But I’ll create a dialectic to convince you of the rightness of submitting your book to the perfect example of the proletariat.

I’m sure the state will commend you for your
labor to create this book to the best of your ability. But you will be a true hero of the people when you distribute a copy of your book to me since I have need of a good read as an opiate against the imminent collapse of our society. I mean imminent evolution to the pure state of communism that Marx predicted and Obama is working feverishly to create.

+5

Every minority knows you get on the food stamps, the social security, if you low income, Obama gonna give you Victoria’s new book! Keep Obama being president…Y’know, he gived us a phone…

+3

I love Victoria.

0

Personally I think Victoria is funnier than Tina Fey and Amy Pohler combined…sexier too.

Flattery may get me no where but I’m hoping the truth will get me a book.

+2

lemme try this new avatar thing, again.

I LOVE VICTORIA.

+2

I will trade all my automatic weapons for it and all my high capacity clips too.

0

I don’t want A book. I demand them all! They must be burned at once! The booooook iz veily, veily insensitive to me. My burqa shrouded wives must not see. Infidel pink bow must needs to be outlawed at once!

0

As Comrade Marx would say
“the capitalist pig has to pay”
So I get a free book
and I’ll take a look
at Victoria’s life on display.

+1

I donated all my books to the “Subversive Literature
For the Homeless” I need help restocking my cement block and plywood sheet bookcase.

+1

NOW LOOK VICTORIA

I DESERVE a FREE FUCKING BOOK BECAUSE AS ANY VILLAGE IDIOT CAN SEE, THIS ENTIRE FUCKING POST IS BEING WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN FUCKING CAPS AND IS LACED WITH PROFANITY WHICH SHOULD BE YOUR FIRST FUCKING CLUE THAT I AM TOTALLY FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT NEEDING A FREE BOOK. OK?

HOLD ON, I NEED TO MISPELL SUMTHING

+7

Hey, anyone else find it really cool that Victoria Jackson is going to actually read your comment(s). Its a brush with greatness and I’m a little giddy.

Now for the Marxist simulation

Ms. Jackson you are here by ordered to requisition one copy of your book to the Peoples Collective of Anti-Revolutionary Readers. Failure to do so will lead to your immediate denouncement as an enemy to the people, immediate arrest and liquidation (followed by rehabilitation if your willing to denounce friends, family and neighbors. I don’t care if they are guilty or not, I’ve got quotas to fill here). Pay no attention that your book will immediately be redistributed to me, the Commissar of Loud Mouth Blowhards. After all some Marxist are more equal than others.

+2

Duh. Racism.

+1

@Dr. Tar

This is way beyond cool, to have Victoria as a comment-reading guest is something we will never forget. So much fun just to participate in this amazing event.

+2

I lost all my bathroom reading material when my house was hit by Hurrican Sandy.

+4

I’m a white middle-aged male who according to the powers to be I am entitled to nothing.

+2

Victoria, I could buy your book but I won’t because I want a free one so I can satisfy my desire to get free stuff. Oh and could you write me a little note in it so I can show it to my friend and make him jealous.
Love always,
Ron

+2

Just give me the damn book! I’m too stressed out by Illinois being dead last financially to think up some clever ruse. All payments to everyone here in this hell hole will be stopping soon. I need to come up with something quick.

+4

I would love to hear her take on the liberals she had to hear discussing politics! Behind the scenes is the best revenge.

+1

I need the book for my dog. She puked on her car seat and I had to throw it away (probably when I was running from the police). She is too short to see out the window so she keeps jumping on my lap and launching herself all over the car. I know I’m going to have an accident. II can’t afford a new dog seat or an accident and she needs something to stand on so she can see out the window to bark at other dogs and motorcycles! Please!

+4

I cain’t read, so I’m a well qualified progressive to have a free copy of this book.

+5

Unless this book reveals whether Pat had a schlong or a taco, you can keep it.

+5

I gotsaguns,handitover !!!

0

I’m a libtard. I get everything for free/

0

I need your book because its cold down here at the occupy camps and we need kindling to burn the urine maggot infested couches.

+1

I need you book for my next march with Sharpton and Jackson, so I can hold it up instead of a poster showing white priveledge.

+1

I’m entitled to your book because you Bowrock Obama of white folks.

0

I’m entitled to your book because the lesbian in me says you were born a man completely irrelevant to the fact that you genetically developed as a women.

+1

I need your book for my youtube inaugural imitation spoof because I don’t have a Koran.

+1

In the words of Senator Elizabeth Warren (Cherokee-Massachusetts):

You wrote a book? Good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your books to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired publishers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safely writing in your home because of police-forces and fire-forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn’t have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize your books — and hire someone to protect against this — because of the work the rest of us did.

Now look, you wrote a book and it turned into something terrific or a great idea. God bless — keep a big hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is, you take a hunk of that and pay forward … to ME!

0

I give up.

0

No, Victoria, your bow is not too big.

+2

Everyone wants something for FREE.. Therefore I did research on her and she lives in Florida with her cop husband.
She ain’t rich….so let’s buy her book. I will.

0

I dun no howda reed, but I likes to git me a free book … y’no … cuz it bees free an shit … an it cum in handi when momma tell me ta git sum shit offa the top sheff …

0

THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED

Because I’m shameless and I’ll keep adding more avatars of my granddaughter who just turned one. I could go on and on (and will if it comes down to that). She wears a bow everyday. That’s not a threat, just a reality. This is her LSU pic.

0

I deserve this book because this contest is closed and I still haven’t a clue what my reason would be.

+1