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The New Obama Line of Designer Paints

Home - by BigFurHat - February 8, 2010 - 12:10 UTC - 81 Comments

And they’re not transparent!

We need some pithy copy for the paint can -baracksmorebenjamins

» 81 Comments

  1. Uncle Al

    February 8th, 2010

    0 says, “Because cosmetic beauty is better than real beauty!”

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  2. Uncle Al

    February 8th, 2010

    0 says, “I know something about beauty being only skin deep.”

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  3. Uncle Al

    February 8th, 2010

    A Good Coat of Paint Covers a Multitude of Sins

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  4. Uncle Al

    February 8th, 2010

    Why Work on Quality When a Quick Coat Lets You Skate Another Four Years

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  5. Diann

    February 8th, 2010

    Such a high gloss that even shit doesn’t stick.

    Popular: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

     

  6. conservative cowgirl

    February 8th, 2010

    Guaranteed to hide skidmark stains or no money back!

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  7. Horrorman18

    February 8th, 2010

    Painting the country RED for 1 year now

    Popular: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0

     

  8. cakes

    February 8th, 2010

    Whitewashes over everything!

    Popular: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

     

  9. Rightwingfeather

    February 8th, 2010

    Is this going to be for an ad in the Huffington post?

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  10. cakes

    February 8th, 2010

    No primer needed. Just slap it on and hope it sticks.

    Popular: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

     

  11. cakes

    February 8th, 2010

    Kilz

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  12. Horrorman18

    February 8th, 2010

    All new “Transparency” color…keep slapping it on and when all is said and done it looks like you’ve accomplished nothing

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  13. even steven

    February 8th, 2010

    Spreading it around and spreading it thick!

    Popular: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

     

  14. mark

    February 8th, 2010

    Try our new “Light Skinned” color!

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  15. Horrorman18

    February 8th, 2010

    Coloring My Agenda with Your Dollars

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  16. Horrorman18

    February 8th, 2010

    Available in high gloss tax loss

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  17. LibertyMilitia

    February 8th, 2010

    So transparent you can see right through it.

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  18. harbqll

    February 8th, 2010

    “…as NOT seen on C-SPAN…”

    Popular: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

     

  19. Diann

    February 8th, 2010

    Just one coat is all you can afford!

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  20. Dixie

    February 8th, 2010

    “The Nation’s #1 Colored Paint”

    “When it’s time to get rid of white, America”

    Popular: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

     

  21. squatch

    February 8th, 2010

    Use Only With Broad Brush

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  22. cg6380

    February 8th, 2010

    100% no coverage guarantee !

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  23. illustr8r

    February 8th, 2010

    Available now in “Inherited Bush” and “Let me Be Clear as Mud.”

    Popular: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

     

  24. mark

    February 8th, 2010

    Shake down before use

    Popular: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

     

  25. Dixie

    February 8th, 2010

    “What a shine!”

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  26. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    It’s not latex-based, it’s shinola-based for extra coverage.

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  27. Wyatt AARP

    February 8th, 2010

    Not available in Blue Dog.

    Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

     

  28. cg6380

    February 8th, 2010

    It spreads like wealth !

    Popular: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

     

  29. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    It even prevents those stubborn birth certificate questions from coming through.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

     

  30. Tight Right

    February 8th, 2010

    “Recommended by Rainbow organizations worldwide”

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  31. Rightwingfeather

    February 8th, 2010

    Small Print: Apply liberally. For best results use a broad stroke. Is not flame retarded.

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  32. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    Celebrity endorsement! Chris Matthews: “This paint covers up everything we don’t need to see!”

    Popular: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

     

  33. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    Celebrity endorsement! Matt Damon: “This even tastes better than the paint I usually drink!”

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

     

  34. Matt

    February 8th, 2010

    Garanteed coverage for 4 years*
    *Luster garanteed 6 months

    Popular: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

     

  35. Matt

    February 8th, 2010

    Keep in the dark,do not expose to light.

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  36. IOpian

    February 8th, 2010

    Most Popular Colors:

    Commie-Czar Red
    White House White Wash
    Stately Bluest of Blue.
    Liar’s Lemon Yellow
    Gore Gold
    Pelosi Pinko
    Fwanks Lavender

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  37. BigFurHat

    February 8th, 2010

    Make sure you have a strong base, but remember, the base doesn’t apply itself.

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  38. BigFurHat

    February 8th, 2010

    * “Michelle” paint only available in flat.

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  39. BigFurHat

    February 8th, 2010

    Don’t forget the Barney Frank Caulking Gun….

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  40. BigFurHat

    February 8th, 2010

    Need something to be plastered? Call the Kennedy’s.

    Popular: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

     

  41. illustr8r

    February 8th, 2010

    …back by popular demand CORPSEMAN GRAY.

    Popular: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

     

  42. Tight Right

    February 8th, 2010

    Our best-seller: Not Quite Black

    Popular: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

     

  43. Tim

    February 8th, 2010

    Covers nothing – only $1,000,000,000,000.00 a gallon.

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  44. Rightwingfeather

    February 8th, 2010

    Try panther black for those hard to cover areas.

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  45. snopercod

    February 8th, 2010

    The brand should have been Douche Boy, I think.

    Popular: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

     

  46. cfm

    February 8th, 2010

    It covers your walls,like we cover our ass.

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  47. Diann

    February 8th, 2010

    For you it’s FREE (because your grandchildren will be paying…)

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  48. cfm

    February 8th, 2010

    High hiding. Glosses over anything

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  49. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2010

    “Buy my paint or your a RACIST!”

    -Barry o

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  50. Hanoverfist

    February 8th, 2010

    Covers up Jeramiah Wright-ing on the wall.

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  51. Call me Lennie

    February 8th, 2010

    Over five million paint jobs saved

    Popular: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

     

  52. Tim

    February 8th, 2010

    Clean, articulate, … and no negro dialect.

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  53. Call me Lennie

    February 8th, 2010

    Put it on your Next Generation credit card

    Popular: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

     

  54. kono

    February 8th, 2010

    try our new more benjamins line: Let Me Be Clear, available in Mudd

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  55. Diann

    February 8th, 2010

    FIGHT THE SMEARS!

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  56. Snowball the Sour Puss

    February 8th, 2010

    Baracks Mo’ Bennies Paint:

    “From Black to Red in One Stroke”

    Popular: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

     

  57. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    February 8th, 2010

    Any color you want– as long as it’s beige.

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  58. Brian

    February 8th, 2010

    Available in All Colors Except Red White and Blue

    Popular: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

     

  59. Brian

    February 8th, 2010

    Easy To Wash Off; No Bitter Cleaning

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  60. Brian

    February 8th, 2010

    For the first time in your life, you’ll be proud of your home

    Popular: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

     

  61. ed

    February 8th, 2010

    Our non inclusive blend of black, white & red

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  62. Doc

    February 8th, 2010

    “To tell an old family secret…my grandmother was Dutch,boy…”

    Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

     

  63. Call me Lennie

    February 8th, 2010

    It clings to the primer to the bitter end

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  64. Doc

    February 8th, 2010

    No matter what shade of green you buy, you’re still in the red!

    Popular: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

     

  65. ed

    February 8th, 2010

    Contents may settle to the left

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  66. MoeTom

    February 8th, 2010

    Shelf life 2 years, then losed lustre

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  67. MoeTom

    February 8th, 2010

    loses

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  68. Rightwingfeather

    February 8th, 2010

    Chips sold separately.

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  69. Rightwingfeather

    February 8th, 2010

    Warning: Exposure to fumes may cause serious dain bramage or other adverse health affects. Be sure to use proper ventilation equipment, and disposal techniques. Must be applied by a unionized painter. See a local ACORN office for details.

    Popular: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

     

  70. BoogerBoy

    February 8th, 2010

    I picked my nose with this stuff and it really works. Try a cup or two in your next pot of bean soup…Mmm…Mmm…Mmm!

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  71. IH8Socialist

    February 8th, 2010

    made with lead from China

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  72. ButchC

    February 8th, 2010

    We cover your ass.

    Apologies to Sherwin Willams

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  73. Brian

    February 8th, 2010

    Strapped for Cash? See Mr Wen Jiabao in Finance

    Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

     

  74. niteowl

    February 8th, 2010

    Guaranteed not to run
    in 2012

    Popular: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

     

  75. Call me Lennie

    February 8th, 2010

    Or, in the alternative, Nite Owl

    These colors DO run

    Popular: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

     

  76. IH8Socialist

    February 8th, 2010

    hiney tested hiney approved

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  77. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    Celebrity endorsement! Joe Biden: “Goes down smooth, and it’s minty fresh!”

    also Joe Biden:”Now comes in a wide mouth can!”

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  78. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    Now comes in a easy-to-pour yes you can

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  79. Javelina Bomb

    February 8th, 2010

    “paint not included”

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  80. Call me Lennie

    February 9th, 2010

    If the colors do run, blame the brush

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  81. J. Oliver

    February 9th, 2010

    “I may be green, but my paint comes in 57 colors – that’s one color for every state!”

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