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He don’t know it, but he ain’t a poet

Home - by - January 22, 2013 - 11:00 America/New_York - 23 Comments

Daily Caller

Poet James Franco wrote an Inauguration Day poem and it is awful

Renowned poet/ actor/ crazy person James Franco wrote a poem in honor of President Obama’s  second inauguration and it is pretty awful.

Yahoo! News commissioned several renowned poets — plus  Franco — to write inauguration poems à la ”The Gift Outright,” Robert  Frost’s famous poem written for John F. Kennedy’s 1961 inauguration.

Shockingly, it turns out that Franco is no Robert Frost. Here is an excerpt  from “Obama in Asheville”:

 

I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner. I was the guest  of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife Of Christopher  Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place, He had books from  floor to ceiling, and said he had read

To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas— Then we waited in a  private room with the likes of Tom Cruise, And Katie Holmes, and Claire  Danes. When Obama entered The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his  hand,

He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice, I was  scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA And there were some  undergraduate knockers against me; He had been denied the usual honorary  degree by Arizona State

Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered How he dealt with  detractors. He smiled his smile and said, “Humor.”

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» 23 Comments

  1. redgrandma

    January 22nd, 2013

    He’s no poet. That doesn’t even rhyme!

    Thumb up +3

     
  2. Stranded in Sonoma

    January 22nd, 2013

    Yo! Obama sucks!

    My masterpiece.

    Thumb up +9

     
  3. CrustyB

    January 22nd, 2013

    News bureaus hire poets and actors to write poems about the president’s inauguration. Wait…what universe did I wake up in today?

    Thumb up +5

     
  4. Unruly Refugee

    January 22nd, 2013

    Who the hell is “President” Obama??

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. The Mad German

    January 22nd, 2013

    Ok heres mine.

    Got up took a dump
    Turned on the TV
    So a rehash of Nazi Germany
    Turned the TV off
    logged on to IOTW
    celebrated their 5 years
    Wore my IOTW button
    went out hung the flag
    read the Bill of Rights
    Cleaned my gun

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  6. norman einstein

    January 22nd, 2013

    Mr. Mackey: “Drugs are bad…mmmk?”

    Thumb up +3

     
  7. RosalindJ

    January 22nd, 2013

    I couldn’t watch the video because Adobe Flash has gone all wonky on me.

    But I wanted to because of the writer’s last line in the piece made me laugh: “You can watch Franco read his work in what appears to be a hostage video if you really want to:”

    Thumb up +5

     
  8. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 22nd, 2013

    WARNING
    You WILL hear the writer read (not recite) his work if you go to that link.
    It is automatic; you cannot avoid it.

    Thumb up +2

     
  9. RosalindJ

    January 22nd, 2013

    P.S. That’s not poetry. It’s not even prose. It’s about the caliber of ‘What I Did on My Summer Vacation”, and it’s dreadful.

    Thumb up +8

     
  10. Bad Brad

    January 22nd, 2013

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Barry’s killed the economy
    I got the flu.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  11. hanoverfist

    January 22nd, 2013

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Four more years of this Bozo
    and the country is thru.

    Thumb up +7

     
  12. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 22nd, 2013

    Think like an English teacher– if you rearrange the lines with a CR at every misplaced capital letter, they come out approximately equal in length. Does that make it poetry?

    The Jack Kerouac of the 21st century? I don’t think so. Kerouac sucked, and this isn’t up to that standard.
    ________________

    I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.

    I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife

    Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,

    He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read

    To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—

    Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,

    And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered

    The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,

    He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice,

    I was scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA

    And there were some undergraduate knockers against me;

    He had been denied the usual honorary degree by Arizona State

    Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered

    How he dealt with detractors. He smiled his smile and said,

    “Humor.”

    Thumb up +1

     
  13. ericthetuba

    January 22nd, 2013

    To quote the esteemed Iowahawk, “Inauguration is to poets what Christmas is to midget actors.”

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. Moe Tom

    January 22nd, 2013

    Roses are blue
    Violets are red
    and I am going
    Back to bed.

    Thumb up +4

     
  15. Johnny Freedom

    January 22nd, 2013

    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Whose &^%$ was so long he could suck it,
    Obama made him a Czar,
    Gave him a ride in his car,
    And swallowed at least half a bucket.

    fin

    Thumb up +8

     
  16. CrustyB

    January 22nd, 2013

    Hickory Dickory Dock
    Obama can suck my…

    Thumb up +8

     
  17. RANDO

    January 22nd, 2013

    “…undergraduate knockers against me.”

    Boo hoo, loser.

    Thumb up +3

     
  18. even steven

    January 22nd, 2013

    People who call that poetry would probably say a slab of tofu is filet mignon.

    Thumb up +7

     
  19. MNHawk

    January 22nd, 2013

    I haven’t cried at poetry to that degree since reading

    Under water grottos, caverns
    Filled with apes
    That eat figs.
    Stepping on the figs
    That the apes
    Eat, they crunch.
    The apes howl, bare
    Their fangs, dance,
    Tumble in the
    Rushing water,
    Musty, wet pelts
    Glistening in the blue.

    /weep

    Thumb up +2

     
  20. Stranded in Sonoma

    January 22nd, 2013

    …And there were some undergraduate knockers against me…

    Did he mean these? What a bully!

    Thumb up +1

     
  21. GI-had Joe

    January 22nd, 2013

    There once was a Court Jester named Franco
    Who played the part of Poet Stanko
    With a tug of his pen
    Obama said when
    And Franco, stopped jerking his Wanko

    Thumb up +2

     
  22. Tracy

    January 22nd, 2013

    HE’S AN ASS-H*LE, TAX THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!

    Thumb up +1

     
  23. Tim

    January 22nd, 2013

    Shakespeare, Shelley, Keats, Byron, and Yeats were all fidgeting till I read them some of Franco – then they laughed aloud and closed their covers.

    One of em said: “He’s an appropriate poet for that Obama fellow!”

    Thumb up +2