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The First Hatey has BANGS now!

Home - by - January 18, 2013 - 13:00 America/New_York - 55 Comments

MICHELLE OBAMA HAS BANGS NOW <— That was the headline at Gawker.

Well clutch the pearls, Sugars! Do y’all love it or what?!

h/t  Chalupa

 

» 55 Comments

  1. Hawaiian

    January 18th, 2013

    Looks like Nipsey Russell in drag.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +34

     
  2. Yes I said that

    January 18th, 2013

    It’s a shame she’s so conservative, and modest.
    These days, dog groomers can do so much more.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +18

     
  3. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 18th, 2013

    She still has the jawbone of an ass.

    Hey, I wouldn’t care if she looked like Moms Mabley… NOW… if she had a beautiful mind.

    Her hatred has been well documented.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +20

     
  4. NoMoBo

    January 18th, 2013

    Sasquatch got herself a new wighat! Vanity Fair is saying how wonderful her hair is – so thick and shiny. Umm, sorry to break it to you cupcakes, but this is some Asian lady’s hair, plopped down on the first horse’s head. They are also going on about how pretty she is. I think I just threw up a little…

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +26

     
  5. Diann

    January 18th, 2013

    Well who the hell is she banging? Whoever it is, they gave her Asian hair.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  6. BigFurHat

    January 18th, 2013

    They’re not nearly long enough.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +28

     
  7. Anonymous

    January 18th, 2013

    Fo shizzle. She’s so purdy now, her old name don’t suit her.
    From this day forth, she should be LaToya Obama.

    Speaking of new looks, apparently that nasty bump on the head made Hitlery go from no eyeglasses, to needing Mr Limpit’s goggles. She still knows less than shit about Bengazhi, but she’s large(ass) and in charge in Algeria.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  8. JimBob

    January 18th, 2013

    She’s still the ugliest woman in the White House.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  9. chris

    January 18th, 2013

    Is that Tina Turner ??

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +11

     
  10. bitterclinger

    January 18th, 2013

    Jebus, but you people are never satisfied. Are they or are they not covering up more of her mug?

    Thumb up +7

     
  11. Gina

    January 18th, 2013

    must have done it to hide the frown lines since botox never took

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  12. NoMoBo

    January 18th, 2013

    Also, that pic looks photo-shopped. Look at the space between her right arm and her body. Then look at her butt below the elbow. Looks like a little slimming magic, no? She is one ugly woman.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +11

     
  13. Marqsheb

    January 18th, 2013

    Trying to look like Kerry Washington the hottie from Scandal. Who her husband was making eyes at! Too bad it didn’t work

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. wellsy

    January 18th, 2013

    Looks like a wig to me. Still doesn’t help her ugly face

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  15. hanoverfist

    January 18th, 2013

    Two words:

    Nappy Weave.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  16. hanoverfist

    January 18th, 2013

    And check out the 5:00 shadow.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  17. Chalupa

    January 18th, 2013

    Ricky Martin was invited to the White House to perform She Bangs – lucky for him he’s already gay.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  18. norman einstein

    January 18th, 2013

    BwaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaHaaaaaaa!

    Absolutely hilarious photo. I can’t decide which is funnier…the new wighat, or the painted on “cleavage”.
    BWAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!

    @chris, say what? Give your head a good shake.
    On her WORST day, Tina looked a million times better.
    In the words of the inimitable Lucianne Goldberg, Moose looks like James Brown.
    http://www.scenicreflections.com/download/33082/James_Brown_2_Wallpaper/

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  19. Claudia

    January 18th, 2013

    “The First Hatey”

    Oh, Cardigan; you are gooooood!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  20. Jack Daniels

    January 18th, 2013

    What’s with the cracker do, all straight and such? Aren’t you proud of your black heritage? why not go with your natural afro?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +21

     
  21. BILL

    January 18th, 2013

    the first wookie has a mans face.

    Thumb up +4

     
  22. Kairn

    January 18th, 2013

    There is not enough Spackle, primer, war paint, glue, wighats, Wonderbras, Spanx, and boob belts in the whole world enough to make this woman even remotely beautiful.

    Push, pull, lift, paint, camouflage all she wants…it’s not masking the ugliness that goes right to the core of her being. Every time I see a new image of this woman she looks uglier than the time before. I am repulsed not by the outer trappings of her person, but by the absence of God’s love emanating from her hardened heart.

    She is a dangerous woman, not fully unleashed yet.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  23. MM

    January 18th, 2013

    Grade A, 100% classless whore-makes me sick to even look at her.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  24. dude

    January 18th, 2013

    I would also go gay if I had to wake up to that every day.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  25. old_oaks

    January 18th, 2013

    Don’t make her mad, you better eat what she tells you to eat or else she’s gonna take off her weave and fight!

    She’s already been filmed in Chitcago doing it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICqUpTsClV4
    .

    Thumb up +2

     
  26. old_oaks

    January 18th, 2013

    Oh snap she lost her bangs while swinging.

    lol!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHIQmt4uj6k
    .

    Thumb up +2

     
  27. Ted Nougat

    January 18th, 2013

    Wayne Brady in drag is what I have always thought.

    Thumb up +7

     
  28. Ty Coon

    January 18th, 2013

    @Hawaiian. My first thought was Geraldine Jones,but Nipsey Russell works also.

    Thumb up +5

     
  29. Chieftain

    January 18th, 2013

    Whoop de frickin’ doo.

    It is much more important for the media to focus on idiocy like this than, say, the firestorm of Islamic terrorism erupting all over Africa…

    Thumb up +7

     
  30. Stirrin the B.S.

    January 18th, 2013

    Asian hair, bad teeth….it’s William Hung!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TS5tvbYJsc

    (with all due respect to Chalupa ;) )

    Thumb up +4

     
  31. Nick

    January 18th, 2013

    That’s James Brown

    Thumb up +8

     
  32. 99th Squad Leader

    January 18th, 2013

    Come on guys. I got this in the bullpen yesterday!
    I love ya, but give credit where credit is due. Ok?

    Thumb up +6

     
  33. B. Hussein Obama

    January 18th, 2013

    Y’all scoff – but I still gotta let that huge moose climb up on my back and … uhh, well, straighten out my sigmoid flexure.

    Thumb up +2

     
  34. Tim

    January 18th, 2013

    They say you can’t put lipstick on a pig …

    Well, bangs on a Sasquatch ain’t hittin on much, either.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  35. 99th Squad Leader

    January 18th, 2013

    @Jack Daniels – Very good point, but fashionable black women who wear weaves, like First Mooch, brag about the fortune they spend on their new Asian hair.
    BTW – Lots of robberies linked to hair extentions.

    http://www.inquisitr.com/271489/hair-raising-burglary-230k-of-natural-extensions-stolen-in-chicago/.

    Thumb up +4

     
  36. Dano

    January 18th, 2013

    It’s a nice cut but she’s still a hater.

    Thumb up +1

     
  37. Golly G. Willikers

    January 18th, 2013

    As an old golf buddy of mine used to say when he sank a long putt for double bogey after hacking up a hole, “Whipped cream on dog sh*t.”

    Thumb up +4

     
  38. Doc

    January 18th, 2013

    I can’t get over the word “Bang” and Mochelle in the same sentence…makes my skin crawl.

    They do need to be about 10 inches longer though.

    Thumb up +8

     
  39. jim

    January 18th, 2013

    In her natural nappy hair, she has all the sexuality
    of a fire hydrant.

    Thumb up +5

     
  40. Whom

    January 18th, 2013

    The handlers are getting her all slimmed down, carved up, coached up and styled up. It’s like she’s been lobotomized into a smiley, happy clown, compared to her original hideously nasty self. Like watching some 70′s sci-fi movie of how the leaders are just controlled puppets basically.

    Thumb up +3

     
  41. thirdtwin

    January 18th, 2013

    Can we get a Worf with bangs pbotoshop up in here?

    Thumb up +7

     
  42. Jerry Manderin

    January 18th, 2013

    Here is what Michelle looked like in all her original glory just five years ago! Looks like Dr. Moreau has been working overtime…

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nyUsDOeFo24

    !”@&$-/:

    Thumb up +3

     
  43. beachmom

    January 18th, 2013

    Looks like a Kmart wig

    Thumb up +3

     
  44. Meshuggahboy

    January 18th, 2013

    My dick just retracted the other way so forcefully that it shot right out of my own ass. I’m not a Democrat so I didn’t enjoy it, either.

    No wonder these assholes hate guns – they’re worried that if their wives take a walk in the woods they’ll probably get shot by a hunter who thinks they’re bagging the first pants-wearing moose.

    Thumb up +6

     
  45. sablegsd

    January 18th, 2013

    They are trying to make the fugliest beard in history look human. It ain’t working.

    Thumb up +6

     
  46. Stranded in Sonoma

    January 18th, 2013

    Remember what IronyCurtain said in an earlier thread: When the press says how beautiful Michelle Obama is, they forget that we can see her too.

    I truly believe that everyone in the White House (The Land of Nod) walks around saying how lovey Mooshell looks, but when they can’t stand telling the lie anymore, they run into a bathroom and laugh uncontrollably until they vomit.

    Maybe they just secretly do the “Roker White House Pants Poop”. – Irony

    Thumb up +8

     
  47. norman einstein

    January 18th, 2013

    @Meshuggahboy, damn! Nearly choked on my beer!
    Better put some ice on that.

    Thumb up +3

     
  48. IronyCurtain

    January 18th, 2013

    By the way, when I saw the pic… “like a frightened turtle”, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

    Thumb up +6

     
  49. CrustyB

    January 18th, 2013

    First thing that came to my mind when I saw that picture:

    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2388498432/tt0133152

    Thumb up +3

     
  50. Asswipee

    January 18th, 2013

    CrustyB…

    No, actually, I think she had a starring role in the opening sequence of ’2001: A Space Odyssey”. She was the one that grabbed the bone and beat the sh*t out of the other tribe in the “battle of the waterhole”.

    (And I think we need to touch a Monolith about now to help us evolve beyond the commie douchebags trying to ruin our great nation.)

    Thumb up +2

     
  51. Carlos The Jackal

    January 18th, 2013

    Jeez, I thought Flip Wilson was dead!
    “Da Debbel made me buy dis dress!”

    Thumb up +3

     
  52. Noelegy

    January 18th, 2013

    Her hairline is destroyed from too much processing, so they plopped some fresh, thick, healthy roadkill on it.

    Thumb up +3

     
  53. Andrea Shea King

    January 19th, 2013

    Kee-ryst she is ugly.

    Thumb up +2

     
  54. beachmom

    January 19th, 2013

    @CrustyB, OMG! It is the same hairdo!! If I had photoshop, I’d have to do one w/ Shelly and Helena in that role!

    Thumb up +1

     
  55. Chalupa

    January 20th, 2013

    Styling mousse usually comes in a can. This styling moose just buys a wig.

    Thumb up +1