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ANGRY WHITE DUDE CONFESSES TO TAKING BLOG-ENHANCING DRUGS!

Home - by - January 15, 2013 - 17:45 America/New_York - 20 Comments

 AWD

After being named to the Fabulous 50 conservative blogs, conservative superstar blogger Angry White Dude made a shocking confession today. The Big Sexy uses blog-enhancing drugs. His announcement was inspired by bicyclist Lance Armstrong’s confession that he is a drug-taking, lying, skinny dog!

Lance Armstrong has for years denied taking performance enhancing drugs. However, Armstrong was banned for life and all eternity from riding a bike after the chief bicycling organization in the world, “The Chief Bicycling Organization in the World” found him guilty of doping to win his unprecedented seven Tour deeeee France victories! Armstrong’s penalties included not wearing those gay little bike-riding costumes, not being able to clog up traffic on a bike, not being allowed to put playing cards in the spokes, and not having the uncomfortable sensation of having those skinny little bike seats going up the culo.

World famous and supa-sexy blogger Angry White Dude has long been accused by fellow conservative bloggers of using blog-enhancing drugs to write his chart-topping blog posts. He has always responded when asked how he is able to continually write such high-quality blogs by saying, “it’s a gift!” But today, he came clean with a startling revelation for his supa-sexy blogging abilities. In a prepared statement, the Big Sexy said:

“While AWD’s rise to the top of the conservative blogging world has been nothing short of miraculous, I must confess that I have not done it on natural talent alone. I have had help achieving my super-sexiness and ability to write top-quality right-wing extremism day in and day out. I can no longer go on in good conscience taking credit on my blogging talent alone so I will share my secrets.

Before posting a new blog article, AWD slathers himself with copious amounts of Hai Karate after-shave to help achieve the highest levels of supa-sexiness. After which, the Big Sexy puts some Teddy Pendergrass on the stereo to further enhance the moment. After achieving a trance-like state of sexiness, AWD puts on his leopard-spot robe (you better believe it’s all silk, baybah) and meditates until I achieve a super-human level of super-sexiness. Coupled with my natural redneck, right-wing, trailer-trash, inbred (according to libtards) opinions, AWD is able to create chart-topper after chart-topper posts which has put him on the top of the blogging world. So AWD confesses today before Allah and the world that AWD uses various blog-enhancing tools to enhance his otherwise super-groovy blog posts.”

But AWD was not finished. He outed several conservative bloggers for using blog-enhancing drugs and techniques:

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Snip: OK, in my defense,  they told me grain alcohol was a hippie health drink.

» 20 Comments

  1. BigFurHat

    January 15th, 2013

    WTF???

    WTF?????

    Fuck this. I’m outing Angry White Dude. AWD is Dustin Diamond. There. Now everyone knows.

    Thumb up +7

     
  2. Nash Montana

    January 15th, 2013

    I… just… knew… it…

    Oh the humanity.

    Thumb up +6

     
  3. Nash Montana

    January 15th, 2013

    Now you’re gonna make me google that name. Damn you, BFH

    Thumb up +5

     
  4. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 15th, 2013

    Damn. I thought maybe Goodman was gracing us with his talent.

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. Mr. Pinko

    January 15th, 2013

    I’ll piss in AWD’s cup any day!

    Thumb up +4

     
  6. angrywhitedude

    January 15th, 2013

    Big Fur, since you have outed the Big Sexy, I must in return out Big Fur as Charles Johnson from Little Gay Footballs!

    awd

    Thumb up +6

     
  7. Bad Brad

    January 15th, 2013

    I don’t know that I would bowl with that dude.

    Thumb up +4

     
  8. BigFurHat

    January 15th, 2013

    That’s Charles Foster Johnson, to you, Screech.

    Thumb up +6

     
  9. Chalupa

    January 15th, 2013

    Not only that, iOTW causes jesticular cancer.

    Thumb up +6

     
  10. angrywhitedude

    January 15th, 2013

    out me and I out you, mutha!

    Thumb up +6

     
  11. Mr. Pinko

    January 15th, 2013

    Obviously AWD is juiced

    Thumb up +4

     
  12. I've seen that guy before

    January 15th, 2013

    Nice picture AWD. Reminds me of someone. Can’t think who.
    Not important.

    Thumb up +3

     
  13. Jimmy

    January 15th, 2013

    The guy is so oversexed, I can’t think about it. I need a brain vacuum.

    (I did repeatedly chuckle, however.)

    Thumb up +4

     
  14. Backround check idea

    January 15th, 2013

    A family background check to see if anyone in the family has a mental illness.

    Thumb up +3

     
  15. Stirrin the B.S.

    January 15th, 2013

    Oooh I just love a grudge match.

    “In this corner, BFH. And in that corner AWD. Now gentleman, I want a clean fight. No blows below the belt, and no comments about the other’s mother or girlfriend.”

    “Now come out swinging!”

    Thumb up +5

     
  16. angrywhitedude

    January 15th, 2013

    I will whoop Big Fur’s and Mr. Pinko’s asses!

    Especially since Gov Cuomo took away all their guns!

    awd

    Thumb up +7

     
  17. DaveVA

    January 15th, 2013

    Just bookmarked AWD site.

    Thumb up +4

     
  18. Edmund

    January 15th, 2013

    AWD is AWESOME!! I don’t care how much he drinks!! …huh, oh, I don’t care how many drugs he takes!!

    Thumb up +4

     
  19. Snowball the Sourpuss

    January 16th, 2013

    Shut the fuck up, Donny.

    Thumb up +1

     
  20. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 16th, 2013

    Finally, a flamefest I can get into!

    Thumb up 0