iOwnTheWorld.com

Uhhhuuh, yukyukyuk, ever see thumbs before that are this fucked up.

+1

The secret service guys super-glued my fingers together so I would hurt myself…

+9

“Open the door and…all the people!”

+8

Errrrrrrr…how do I get out of this?

+7

Eleanor, it goes like this…

+5

@Eleanor – beat me

+2

Is that a loogie hanging from his incisor or is Joe Blow growing fangs?

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Joe?

I thought that was Ted Knight!

+2

@ Moxie Man — If “all the people” was the first thing you thought of, you were obviously raised right.

+6

Gimme another round barkeep, it’s not as if I got an important job to do like some rocket surgeon *hic*

+1

Holy crap! BLEEDER!!

+1

Uh, er, the internet is either this way, or this way!

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That’s a bunch of malarky. Looks like I got all your people right here, pal.

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So then I said, “Mr President, I think if you let me, I can get the gerbil out for you.”

+2

Look, my finger pistols only have three bullets each, and meet our new federal gun control mandates banning high capacity finger guns.

+5

1, 2, 3…No matter how many times i do it, the left comes out on top- see how to be superior….ride the train you’ll learn how.

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Now this is the real gun control grip

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Can someone help me out here, I kind of got into another jam playing tiddliewinks, this shit is complicated.

+4

How do I get out of these chinaman handcuffs?

+1

Joe gets asked a math question:

“What’s 6 times 3 trillion? Well, let’s see…..ummm, uh, let’s see….um, how many zeros?…uh, okay, uh….six times three, um, let’s see, uh carry the 2, no wait, uhhhh….dang I need MORE fingahs!!”

+3

See, this is why we need to ban trigger fingers.
If you ban trigger fingers or demand they be locked up like this, all it leaves is your thumbs.

Other then then sticking your thumb up your ass what harm can they do?

+2

See, this is why apes don’t shoot each other with automatic weapons because they don’t have an apposable thumb.

We’d eliminate the apposable thumb, but that wouldn’t be fair to EBT card holders who use taxpayer funded phones or to the felons who use illegal guns to murder.

+2

See this is why we need to sanction thumbwrestling as an olympic sport.
If the trigger finger is wrapped up, it’ll eliminate lowlife dirtbag felons from murdering.

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So when the guy pulled a gun on me, I challenged him to a thumbwrestling match and no one died.

+1

So if we intregrate stupidity with utter nonsense like this, there’s no need for a 2nd amendment, because anything above 2 is confusing to a demoncrat anyways!

+2

Ha Ha, Hey O, we fooled them again with our lies.

+1

Look! 2 alligators making out.

+3

I went Noodlin’ and caught myself.

+7

Had to superglue his hands because he kept forgetting how to do Church, Steeple, People

Now he’s trying to remember the number to call for 9-1-1

+3

Doi! Of course I’m qualified! I can tie my shoes and wave bye-bye!…No that’s not right. I can wave my shoes and.. nope not that either. Oh wait a minnit, I got it, now! I can wave my tie…Aw dammit! Which one of you smartasses made me tie my fingers while I was waving bye-bye? Y’ALL SUCK!

+2

My mom says I ride the short bus cuz I’m special

+3

“… open the doors and screw all the people.”

+2

@ FDR – Nice cleavage for a good, Christian girl.

+2

“Check it out, y’all…I’m Alan Grayson!”

+1

The best thing we can do to stop gun violence is to start young. My idea is to glue evey kids hands together like this so that no kid can make a finger gun and go BANG! BANG!
I can’t wait to tell the boss about this- I hope he gives me a cookie!

+1

Greetings!

My caption: “I’ve got eleven fingers. Ten, nine, eight seven six, … one, two, three, four, five. See! Six and five are eleven! Or, is it five and six are eleven?”

Salve

+1

“it took me and the focus groups all week and this is the best gun control proposals we could come up with”

+1

I’m not really Vice Presidential material, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night…

+2

“This is my new gun invention. For every bullet you shoot, you take a shot back. That way everybody’s equal.”

+1

“I thought that was Ted Knight!”

No difference.

+1

“Guys! Guys! Help me out, I’ve done it again!”

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I’d like to congratulate myself with a hard hand shake …

+3

BiteMe’s dentures must have cracked from too much suckin azzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..got the brownie stains to prove it. Plugs is a imp whose 2nd to the throne of obamablowme….country is going down and O is pulling the chain…

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Hey buddy, I’ve been sittin’ like this for 2 days now – let me tell ya, it takes fortitude.

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Pssst! Anybody know a good locksmith.

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