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That’s My Squirt!
Hope N’ Change
Because this week’s news wasn’t surreal enough already, the National Father’s Day Council has declared Bill “Stinky Finger” Clinton to be “Father of the Year.” And technically, it seems like they might have jumped the gun a little since the awards ceremony won’t happen until June, and just maybe someone will show himself to be an even better father than Bill Clinton in the next six months – perhaps by not sexually abusing anyone.
Of course, the award isn’t given solely because of what Mr. Clinton has done for his own alleged daughter Chelsea (and we say “alleged” because Bill Clinton personally claimed to be sterile after raping Juannita Broaderick), but because of the great fatherly messages which he’s delivered to all of our nation’s youth.
For instance, he taught young girls that oral sex wasn’t sex at all - it was just really, really, really friendly. He improved women’s health by pointing out that when a tampon wasn’t readily available, a cigar could be substituted in an emergency. He bested Martha Stewart by showing how to make a beautiful, inexpensive fashion accessory out of bodily fluids. And giving the best fatherly gift of all to teens across the fruited plain, he made it perfectly acceptable to lie about sex. Including under oath – let alone when being questioned by pissed off parents!
Mayor DoomTurd
January 11th, 2013
Bill Clinton
Started jogging near his
New home in Chappaqua.
But on each run he happened to jog
Past a hooker standing on the same
Street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension he would brace
Himself as he approached her for what
Was most certainly to follow.
“Fifty dollars!” she would cry
Out from the curb.
“No, Five dollars!”
Fired back Clinton
This ritual between Bill and the
Hooker continued for days.
He’d run by and she’d yell,
“Fifty dollars!”
And he’d yell back,
“Five dollars!”
One day however,
Hillary decided that she
Wanted to accompany her
Husband on his jog!
As the jogging couple neared the problematic
Street corner, Bill realized the “pro” would
Bark her $50 offer and Hillary would
Wonder what he’d really
Been doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a
Darn good explanation
For the Secretary of State.
As they jogged into the turn that would
Take them past the corner,
Bill became even more apprehensive
Than usual.
Sure enough,
There was the hooker!
Bill tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes
As she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from the sidewalk,
The hooker yelled…
See what you get for five bucks!?”
Reiuxcat
January 11th, 2013
Well why the EFF not?
His O’liness got the Nobel Peace Prize, dint he?
Mayor DoomTurd
January 11th, 2013
I prefer his other moniker:
AssO’liness!!
Moe Tom
January 11th, 2013
What a fucking shitty day. I woke up to that prick O’Donnell, the communist, harping on the Bible, then there was the gay porn parade in NYC. Around mid day obama and the afgan tyrant were on tv. I muted that. Then algore came on the news waving and smiling with that I’ve fucked you and I’ll do it again look, and now this father of the year shit.
Bad day all around. Plus I think I am getting the flu.
Mary Jane Anklestraps
January 11th, 2013
awww noooo. Feel better, Moe Tom
sTevo
January 11th, 2013
Ha, Bill Clinton is a Vulcan. Who Knew?
xtacsgt
January 11th, 2013
A reporter asks Bill Clinton, “How’s Hillary’s head?”
“It’s gettin’ better, but she’s no Monica.”
jclady
January 11th, 2013
Saw this comment on another site:
Clinton is Father of the Year due to the numerous times he says, “Who’s Your Daddy?”.
Bad Brad
January 11th, 2013
That’s a strange looking pearl necklace.
Unruly Refugee
January 11th, 2013
Watching the world go crazy.
Who’s their pick for mother of the year, Rosie O’Donnell?
Mr.Gates
January 11th, 2013
Father of the Year – based on raw numbers.
Bad Brad
January 11th, 2013
Best headline on this:
If Bill Clinton is father of the year, Roman Polanski should be baby sitter of the century.
Nutjob
January 11th, 2013
This should make
Fluke mother of the year
Warren Injun of the year
Geitner accountant of the year
Biden dumbass of the year…no century
Piers Morgan asshole of the year
Michelle bigass Obama mrs fitness of the year
and Barack as dictator of the ….next 4 years.
J Frank Parnell
January 11th, 2013
Looks like Bill has a high-volume enlarged, angry prostate.
And her name is Hillary.
***rimshot***
Carlos The Jackal
January 12th, 2013
That’s about 2,000,000 of billy’s potential children on monica right there, so I guess it’s legit…
Tedjusant
January 12th, 2013
THAT DRESS,
Thats snot it,/