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Attempted Mammslaughter

Home - by - December 29, 2012 - 01:00 America/New_York - 45 Comments

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Woman arrested after trying to kill her boyfriend with her large breast

A man claims he was nearly killed after his girlfriend choked him with her over sized chest, according to court proceedings.
A high-flying lawyer fled in terror naked after his girlfriend used her 38DDs in an attempt to kill him, a German court has heard.

Tim Schmidt, 30, said his girlfriend, Franziska Hansen, 33, mounted her assault while they were having sex because she was jealous of his successful career.

She denies the charge of attempted murder with a deadly weapon after the incident in the city of Unna in May. According to her, it was a sex game gone wrong and Schmidt panicked.

He told the court he was admiring her large chest closely when she suddenly stuck his head between her chest and squeezed hard. Schmidt was smothered and began to panic as he struggled to breathe, the court heard.

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h/t  Reiuxcat

» 45 Comments

  1. grayscape

    December 29th, 2012

    Why can’t something like that happen to me?

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  2. MNP

    December 29th, 2012

    How did I know you’d be the first one to comment?

    Thumb up +7

     
  3. Jorel Lives!

    December 29th, 2012

    Ooooohhh Baby! Beat me! Beat mmmeeeeee hard! EeeeeOouch! Harder!

    Thumb up +2

     
  4. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    Oh Cardigan, I see you are trying to tempt BigFur and Dagny away from their overheated Logic argument.

    This one, er two just might do the trick, he he.

    grayscape,
    I, I, I just don’t know what to say. The boyfriend didn’t seem to like it that much. Maybe he’ll trade places with you.

    Thumb up +5

     
  5. MNP

    December 29th, 2012

    Not beating around the bush are you Karin?

    Thumb up +2

     
  6. Jorel Lives!

    December 29th, 2012

    You’d be surprised how many men love BBW’s

    Thumb up +5

     
  7. Skorpion

    December 29th, 2012

    Life imitates (low) art: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069952/

    Thumb up +4

     
  8. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    @MNP
    Why whatever bush am I beating around, pray tell?

    Thumb up +2

     
  9. Bad Brad

    December 29th, 2012

    Here I am, rocks my like a hurricane. I’ll give ya two dimes for that nipple.

    Thumb up +1

     
  10. MNP

    December 29th, 2012

    To tell the truth Kairn I don’t know if there is a bush. May not be a bush. Mabey a landing strip?

    Thumb up +1

     
  11. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    Boobs as lethal weapons. Who’d a figured? I wonder if the boyfriend was one of those tiny guys you could knock over with a feather? The kind that look like one of those tiny male angler fishes that get absorbed into the body of the way bigger female angler fish. Oh dear, what a mental picture.

    grayscape, you should be careful what you wish for!

    Thumb up 0

     
  12. Dagny

    December 29th, 2012

    “with a deadly weapon”

    Pretty sure the feministas would be willing to ban assault tits.

    Thumb up +7

     
  13. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    As a well endowed woman myself, I can tell you guys, this gal tried to kill her boyfriend with tatas much bigger than DDs. Or at least she is squeezing those puppies into the wrong bra size. Which is certainly a common mistake women make.

    But using them to kill someone – wow, that simply astonishes me. Maybe the guy was mistaken. Maybe she just fell asleep because the sex was so boring.

    Thumb up +8

     
  14. Jerry Manderin

    December 29th, 2012

    Well if you’re gonna go…better than dying from an exploding water heater!

    Thumb up +3

     
  15. Bad Brad

    December 29th, 2012

    Boom chic a wow wow. Those things should be registered. Maybe restricted. Oh hell no, I plead insanity, I’m crazy about titties.

    Thumb up +2

     
  16. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 29th, 2012

    I saw some woman busting open watermelons and beer cans with one of her boobs on TV. She’s her own sideshow. lolol

    Thumb up +2

     
  17. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    @MJA
    She got the idea from Gallagher, right?

    Thumb up +2

     
  18. Xavier

    December 29th, 2012

    I used to date these 2 strippers in Richmond that would beat the hell out of you with their tits in public just for their amusement. Nowhere near that big, though.

    Maybe I’d better not post this.

    Thumb up +8

     
  19. Kairn

    December 29th, 2012

    @Xavier,
    For their amusement? Just you? Or would they do this to strangers? Lordy, Lordy. The things people reveal. ;-)

    Thumb up +1

     
  20. Bad Brad

    December 29th, 2012

    Xavier. Ya know, it might be to late. Bless you brother. I will sleep happy tonight yelling beat me whip me, make me write bad checks.

    Thumb up +3

     
  21. Moxie Man

    December 29th, 2012

    I still love Katey Sagal’s boobs. I must be a Son of Anarchy.

    Thumb up +6

     
  22. Moxie Man

    December 29th, 2012

    … although Al Bundy did trade up.

    Thumb up +4

     
  23. Noelegy

    December 29th, 2012

    Ummm…she’s bigger than 38DD…

    Thumb up +2

     
  24. TheFineReport.com

    December 29th, 2012

    I’m glad to see you’re carrying the story of the big bust in Germany.

    Thumb up +6

     
  25. TheFineReport.com

    December 29th, 2012

    The trial testimony:

    Victim: “She was smothering me to death!”

    Prosecutor: “Did she say anything?”

    Victim: “She might have. But I couldn’t hear a thing!”

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +14

     
  26. Moe Tom

    December 29th, 2012

    Greyscape. I thought of you first. Then I thought that’s better than dropping dead on the 18th hole at Pinehurst after a birdie putt.

    Thumb up +3

     
  27. Anonymous

    December 29th, 2012

    Lethal assault weapons! must be banned….. Why do people need those extra large tits? B cups should be the limit.

    Thumb up +4

     
  28. the aardvark

    December 29th, 2012

    Why do I find this funny? And thanks for the mammaries.

    Thumb up +2

     
  29. mossberg12gal

    December 29th, 2012

    Suicide by ta-ta’s?

    Bet she can’t play the guitar!

    Thumb up +1

     
  30. Chieftain

    December 29th, 2012

    Now that’s a balcony you could do Shakespeare from…

    Thumb up +4

     
  31. The Finisher

    December 29th, 2012

    I thought it was no such thing as TOO much of a good thing!

    Thumb up +2

     
  32. cfm990

    December 29th, 2012

    Are you sure that’s Hanson, and not Holstein?

    Thumb up +1

     
  33. Johnny Freedom

    December 29th, 2012

    I’ll take the Monty Python method of execution, thanks.

    Thumb up +1

     
  34. sig94

    December 29th, 2012

    I saw she had big knockers,
    They were as big as my head.
    But when I plunged into them
    I nearly turned up dead.
    I needed my tittie snorkel
    Or a breast rebreather!

    Struggling to breathe in her boobies
    Suffering in her Taa-taas of Pain.
    Killing me slowly with her tits
    Killing me slowly with no air
    Wishing those titties weren’t there
    Killing me slowly with her tits

    Thumb up +3

     
  35. Callmelennie

    December 29th, 2012

    @kairn

    You had me at “As a well endowed woman …”

    Thumb up 0

     
  36. FreeMan & Sarah Intend to Defend

    December 29th, 2012

    What a way to go.

    Choked to death with boobs. Made love till it killed him.

    Thumb up +1

     
  37. piston honda

    December 29th, 2012

    White people problems

    Thumb up 0

     
  38. kvn

    December 29th, 2012

    Live by the tit, die by the tit.

    Thumb up +2

     
  39. Major Mal function

    December 29th, 2012

    We can clearly see which one has the big boobs and which one is the big boob.

    Thumb up +1

     
  40. MemphisRebel

    December 29th, 2012

    Death by motor boating.

    Thumb up 0

     
  41. Corona

    December 29th, 2012

    mmmmmfff….ppffffmmmmffffhh….

    Thumb up +2

     
  42. Bob M.

    December 29th, 2012

    I’d say his law practice is about to perk up! :-o

    Thumb up +1

     
  43. sTevo

    December 29th, 2012

    I am sure Kung Fu would have preferred to go out this way.

    Thumb up 0

     
  44. mkultra

    December 29th, 2012

    I hope we’ll see some jugstice for the victim.

    Thumb up +1

     
  45. Whom

    December 29th, 2012

    sTevo, it seems Kung Fu Carradine preferred a rope :D

    Great Rifftrax episode starring Carradine:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBRC8EFZrJw

    .

    Thumb up 0