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He Was Paradiddling, That’s All
Sun Sentinel
Drummer accused of masturbating while driving on I-95
A female motorist reported a driver, later identified as Ronald Ayers, was performing a sex act on himself while driving on I-95 near Ormond Beach, reports the Orlando Sentinel.
The 36-year-old Jacksonville musician drummed up an excuse for the deputy who later pulled him over: Ayers said he’s a drummer who commutes between Jacksonville to Daytona Beach and he frequently simulates playing the drums while driving by hitting his steering wheel with drum sticks, which were found between his two front seats, according to the report.
But the woman was sticking to her story and reportedly insisted that it was not possible that she mistook the drum sticks for his penis.
Drum roll, please.
Get the DUHtails from the Orlando Sentinel.
ht/ Chalupa
Menderman
December 28th, 2012
You can’t beat a story like this!
grayscape
December 28th, 2012
Like she never stuck her hand down there and diddled with her fingers…
Moxie Man
December 28th, 2012
But officer, I was just flamming the snares.
Moxie Man
December 28th, 2012
Brushing my Zildjian.
Bad Brad
December 28th, 2012
Whip it good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIEVqFB4WUo
/
F.D.R. in Hell
December 28th, 2012
Bernard Rich says, “There’s more to the expression ‘beating the skins’ than meets the eye.”
No comment yet from Tommy Dorsey.
Moxie Man
December 28th, 2012
Handy Nelson
Doc
December 28th, 2012
At least he could keep the beat.
Cynic
December 28th, 2012
“Officer, I was just beating it out of town”
Cynic
December 28th, 2012
It was a routine part of his daily come-mute
Cynic
December 28th, 2012
“no officer, I wasn’t: beating my meat, jerking the joy worm, polishing the bishop, pounding the pud, choking the chicken, flogging the mule, flagging my tallywhacker, clearing the snorkel, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake, punching the clown, shaking hands with Yul Brynner, adjusting the antenna, doing the five-knuckle shuffle, jerkin’ the gherkin, spanking the monkey, waxing the tadpole, clubbing a baby seal, or playing a one-stringer guitar.
I was practicing my drums. Honest.
Chalupa
December 28th, 2012
There were no winners in this one – the female driver was ticketed for distracted driving, the drummer was cited for using a full service pump on a self service island, and the cop can’t look at glazed donuts anymore.
Snowball the Sourpuss
December 28th, 2012
So THAT’S why I get the funny looks cruising down the highway….hmmm. Good to know.
Frosteetoes
December 28th, 2012
Own up to it, it’s your car. There’s too much road rage and not enough self love anymore.
R. Neville
December 28th, 2012
Why should this woman give a rat’s ass what the guy was doing? Could it be that she needed a hot meat injection and just the sight of him made her crazy….and jealous that he was wasting it??
Boobie the Rocket Dog
December 28th, 2012
At 36 he should still be able to flamadiddle.
Old guys paradiddle.
Boobie the Rocket Dog
December 28th, 2012
Every now and again, a GEM!!!
MNHawk
December 28th, 2012
So how does she see? Is she driving a semi?
I’ll be the odd one out and presume innocence. The drum sticks were right there and I can see how using them might look like something else to some woman with issues, staring into the guy’s car.
Besides, Democrat women still support Bill Clinton, who was successfully sued for dropping his pants, and playing with himself in front of a stranger. The behavior is OK, according to a majority of women.
Stirrin the B.S.
December 28th, 2012
So, she’s on I-95 traveling 75 mph and she’s observing the entire In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida drum solo in the lane next to her? Keep your eyes on the road lady!
Anonymous
December 28th, 2012
“The drum sticks were a natural wood color and closely resembled Ayers’s own natural wood color,” a report said.
Carlos The Jackal
December 28th, 2012
Was that a long stroke roll?
Mz BallBreaker
December 28th, 2012
She is probably a Lizzy and is pea-green with envy that he has SOMETHING REAL to stroke and not a strap-on dildo..
Boobie the Rocket Dog
December 28th, 2012
@ stirrin’ – lady?
It’s possible to jerk off and drive one-handed, I suppose, but it is NOT possible to do a drum solo with sticks and pay any kind of attention.
Diann
December 28th, 2012
Drummers
Corona
December 28th, 2012
Old story.
Billy Fuster
December 28th, 2012
Old joke: An elderly woman calls the police to complain about her neighbor exposing himself from his bedroom window. When they arrive they see that the house is two blocks away and they can barely see the man’s bedroom window. The elderly woman explains–”Here, you need these binoculars.”
IronyCurtain
December 28th, 2012
Corona is right. I remember this exact story from at least a year ago.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2012
How is he supposed to practice his solo?
Tim
December 28th, 2012
The one guy in Orlando playing with his own PENIX and he gets taken to task!
SHEESH!
TED JUSANT
December 29th, 2012
Good job he was’nt playing a trumpet.:)