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Episode Synopsisisisses For the Modern Seinfeld

Home - by - December 17, 2012 - 23:54 America/New_York - 33 Comments

HT/ AP

These are from a Twitter Account - https://twitter.com/SeinfeldToday

Modern Seinfeld Modern Seinfeld ‏@SeinfeldToday

- Jerry breaks up with his gf (Jessica Biel) because she has an open-mouthed resting face. Kramer goes to war over Ticketmaster service fees.

- George is caught in his underwear on Google Street View. Jerry is convinced that Dr. Zizmor is a fraud. Elaine is accused of dog racism.

- George makes a map of all the no-fee ATMs in Manhattan. Bob Sacamano sets Kramer up with a way to make money off the bacon shortage.

- Jerry refuses to give Kramer his WiFi password. George starts a war against organic food. Elaine dates a Romney son.

- Kramer develops bacon cologne. Newman breaks into Jerry’s Twitter. Elaine thinks the music shuffle on her iPhone is telling her something.

- George trips, accidentally gropes someone on the train, and a video of it goes viral. Elaine gets a job writing menu copy for Guy Fieri.

- Jerry goes on @jimmyfallon. The Roots play “Drops of Jupiter” when he comes out. Jerry becomes obsessed with figuring out why.

- Elaine is caught on video laughing at 9/11 memorial. @Gawker posts it & turns her into a pariah. Kramer claims to have invented the Snuggie.

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» 33 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer is convinced that nanoparticles can be brainwashed to do his bidding. Elaine wants to learn French because she’s tired of waiters in nice restaurants talking about her.

    Thumb up +3

     
  2. grayscape

    December 18th, 2012

    George accidentally walks in the wrong bathroom and is raped by Rosie O’ Donnell. Kramer seduces Joy Behar by convincing her he personally knows Ron Jeremy. Newman finally nails Elaine.

    Thumb up +7

     
  3. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer invents a new sexual position called the Crammer, but is outraged that it’s catching on in the gay community.
    George buys a hyperbolic chamber.

    Thumb up +4

     
  4. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer goes to court insisting he has majority stock in Apple, only to learn it was Apple records.
    Elaine gets accidentally locked in Bloomingdale’s overnight and finds the perfect wedding dress.

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. Menderman

    December 18th, 2012

    just about the only thing I know about this show I learned from the Andrea Shea King Radio show, and I had to Google it.

    Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum, Mendlebaum!

    Thumb up +2

     
  6. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry learns he is related to Bernie Madoff on Ancestry.com and Kramer sues him seeking reparations.
    George and Elaine unwittingly have cybersex on ChatRoulette.com

    Thumb up +6

     
  7. grayscape

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry gives up pretending he’s not gay by dating hot women and makes a pass at George. Kramer and Newman go into business selling see-thru skirts. Uncle Leo is mistaken for a mass-murderer and tased to death.

    Thumb up +3

     
  8. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    George’s GPS system always routes him to a Gold’s Gym.
    Jerry takes up tournament Mah Jong, with Kramer as his manager.
    Elaine can’t blink after a facial procedure.

    Thumb up +4

     
  9. grayscape

    December 18th, 2012

    On a whim George sleeps with a waitress only to find out in the morning it’s a man, man. On a dare Jerry smokes some bath salts and ends up naked screaming at people in the subway. Elaine has a sex change, declares herself gay and marries Newman. Kramer gets over his fear of clowns and joins the circus.

    Thumb up +5

     
  10. norman einstein

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer starts an herb garden in his apartment and is busted for weed.
    George gets a job as a security guard at a ‘Victoria’s Secret’, and starts shoplifting ladies’ panties.
    Elaine gets her face Botoxed and it freezes in an unbecoming expression.

    Thumb up +4

     
  11. Unruly Refugee

    December 18th, 2012

    LOL! This is a lot funnier than any Seinfeld show I’ve seen, and I though a lot of them were great.

    Thumb up +2

     
  12. Chalupa

    December 18th, 2012

    George makes a naughty video of himself for a Facebook girlfriend, but hits the wrong button, shares it with his friends and it goes viral. Kramer spills a smoothie on Honey Boo Boo. Elaine tries to teach Jerry Gangnam Style at a dance club and gets kicked out.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  13. grayscape

    December 18th, 2012

    George moves back in with his parents and is once again caught masturbating by his mom. Elaine is locked out of her apartment and mistakenly arrested for prostitution. Jerry is stalked by a crazy fan named Ginger.

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. Unruly Refugee

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry gets pissed at Kramer stealing food and hides a mouse trap in the fridge. Kramer goes to Jackie Chiles with to start a law suit about the overly strong spring on the mouse trap. Jerry walks in on Elane and one of his girlfriends making it on the couch.

    Thumb up +3

     
  15. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 18th, 2012

    George believes his alphabet soup is mocking him. Kramer convinces Elaine that burkhas are the latest rage in ladies’ wear.

    Thumb up +4

     
  16. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer gets horn implants in his forehead after going into the wrong door at his dentist’s building.
    Elaine falls in love with a washing machine’s spin cycle in the building’s laundry room.
    Newman begins hoarding junk mail to build an eco-house on land he inherited.

    Thumb up +3

     
  17. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 18th, 2012

    George goes to the psychiatrist to get his head shrunk. The cleaners shrink Jerry’s shirt. Elaine thinks about getting liposuction to shrink her ass.

    Thumb up +2

     
  18. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    George’s parents get into an argument trying to sell a water pick on Hardcore Pawn.
    Jerry finds a roll of undeveloped film marked “Zapruder 2.”

    Kramer tries to convince a priest to use NECCO wafers.

    Thumb up +5

     
  19. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry and Newman discover they are 4th cousins.
    Kramer befriends a runaway midget wrestler.

    Thumb up +2

     
  20. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    December 18th, 2012

    Elaine breaks into a pet store and frees the fish.
    Kramer tries to part his hair.
    Jerry is missing.

    Thumb up +4

     
  21. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer starts an advertising business that gives death row serial killers money in exchange for saying brand names as their last words.

    George is convinced that a particular pair of pants makes his ass look cute.

    Elaine and Jerry get Chinese fingercuffs stuck on their toes just before Jerry’s appearance on Charlie Rose.

    Thumb up +4

     
  22. Unruly Refugee

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer and Newman figure out a way to make cheap sandwiches out of canned dog food and decide to open a Tex-Mex restaurant. Jerry mistakenly eats one of the sandwiches that Kramer kept in Jerry’s fridge. Jerry shoots Kramer when he finds out he ate dog food. George gets a job as a prison guard so he can sneak real food to Jerry. George falls in love with a skinhead Nazi working in the kitchen.
    Elaine goes to visit Jerry in prison and gets strip searched by all the guards except for George who is busy strip searching skinheads.

    Thumb up +2

     
  23. Frosteetoes

    December 18th, 2012

    What’s this all about? Is Seinfeld starting up a new show?

    Thumb up 0

     
  24. BigFurHat

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer visits the Costanza’s at Del Boca Vista and gets mistaken for a stenographer and works on the Zimmerman trial.
    George buys a velvet track suit at a thrift shop and discovers in the pockets that it was once Al Sharpton’s.
    Jerry gets a huge offer to appear on a cereal box, but the cereal is called Poofters.
    Elaine begins whistling her “S’s.”

    Thumb up +5

     
  25. thirdtwin

    December 18th, 2012

    Kramer attempts to market 31 oz soda cups. George gets marooned in a parking deck by OWS and is caught on a security camera taking a dump in a stairwell. Elaine accidentally wears a vagina costume at a wedding.

    Thumb up +2

     
  26. thirdtwin

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry plays with a sliding tile puzzle at a stoplight and is busted for texting. Elaine is vaulted to national prominence when she is overheard by a reporter while complaining about the cost of birth control. Kramer opens an Internet cafe called Mom’s Basement; George loses his job and squats in Kramer’s cafe

    Thumb up +3

     
  27. Xavier

    December 18th, 2012

    George takes Viagra and develops long term priapism. Newman is partially cannibalized by the homeless. Remote surveillance identifies Kramer as a threat; he’s flown to Guantanamo and waterboarded. Elaine goes viral after being attacked for performing the Gangnam Style dance at a Japanese wedding. Jerry dates Lady Gaga but is unable to have sex unless she’s in full costume.

    Next week: the gang goes to the Coronation in Washington.

    Thumb up +2

     
  28. thirdtwin

    December 18th, 2012

    George wins dinner with the Obama’s in a campaign raffle but ends up walking the dog. Kramer and Elaine kidnap Bo from George to save him from being eaten. Jerry buys a football and is thrown out of a cab for calling it a “pigskin”.

    Thumb up +1

     
  29. Billy Fuster

    December 18th, 2012

    Jerry joins the NRA. Kramer starts a national tax revolt. George and Elaine donate money to the secessionist movement.

    Thumb up +1

     
  30. norman einstein

    December 18th, 2012

    George and Jerry’s parents end up on the same Seniors Cruise.
    After one thing led to another, they ended up switching partners.
    When G and J found out, they were so mortified they decided to move to Canada.

    Meanwhile, Elaine complains that she never hears from her own parents and develops a complex causing her to try to befriend old people she sees on the street.

    Kramer decides to get his face tattooed to sell advertising space. Unfortunately, the product is a laxative called “EZ-Go”.

    Thumb up +1

     
  31. #Newman

    December 18th, 2012

    hey, meet you all down at #Monx

    Thumb up +1

     
  32. Death_By_Farts

    December 18th, 2012

    -George never gets laid again, no mater how hard he tries, even with a prostitute.
    Then he gets the shit beat out of him by the Van Buren gang, who finally caught up with him.
    He’s also fired, and denied any unemployment, thanks to Mrs. Sokol, who’s still sore about not getting to meet Keith Hernandez.

    -Elaine auditions for The Rockettes, but her “little kicks” only make her the laughing stock of New York. The audition video scores over 5 million views on Youtube.

    -Kramer lets Joe Devolla move in with him, which causes Jerry to consider moving when Devolla becomes “Kramer 2″ who is slowly assuming Kramer’s traits, appearance, and personality.

    -George’s parents hit the lottery, abandon George, and move to Tuscany.

    -Poppy comes over to see Jerry’s new couch…And shits on it.

    -Banya and Buckles team up on the Comedy Road, and become the next Abbott and Costello, much to Jerry’s dismay.

    -Jackie Childs gets his ass kicked by a black client of his…Childs tries to sue, representing himself, and loses.

    -Newman becomes a cop…And makes life miserable for Jerry.

    -Jerry’s parents move into Phil and Mrs Phil’s apartment next to Kramer, causing plenty of awkward moments for Jerry.

    -The Soup Nazi becomes the new building super…With new strict rules of his own.

    -Mr Peterman hires Sue Ellen Greschki to be Elaine’s immediate supervisor.

    -Mickey auditions for the Yankee’s…and gets on the team, with Steinbrenner afraid of a discrimination suit.
    Crowds at the subsequent games nearly die laughing.

    -Mr. Gavin dies, and leaves good old Farfel the dog to Jerry. Jerry nearly dies from the dog’s noxious and constant farts.

    -Kramer gets another chicken, only to later be cooked by roommat Joe Devolla.

    Thumb up +1

     
  33. norman einstein

    December 18th, 2012

    @BFH, one of my posts got caught in the verboten net.
    I copied part of one of your posts, and it had the “C” word.

    Just wanted to say that your “Elaine and Jerry get _______ fingercuffs stuck on their toes just before Jerry’s appearance on Charlie Rose.” had me rolling on the floor.

    You should be writing sitcoms! You’re good and it pays way better than this. Just ask Jerry.

    Thumb up 0