iOwnTheWorld.com

And these are the next gen of voters? SCARY!

+3

“Insert presidential analogy here…”

+5

These sound like Ratherisms.

+4

I read with understanding much like a democrat.

+6

Oh, come on. Some of those are pretty good. Number three almost makes it to excellent except for the machine reference (rather than the flesh).

Nine is actually an accidental gem.

+7

And I can even picture number six in certain political references.

+4

#7 is Nobel worthy.

+6

Like penmanship, english grammar has gone the way of the buggy whip in the public school systems.

+5

These analogies are as stupid as a liberal who graduated from a public school.

+7

He knew nothing at all about politics, but George Soros loved him enough to put the mojo in his presidential campaign — like a cup of hot coffee without monkey shit in it.

+7

Hey! These are actually very good compared to the group of essays I just finished reading!

I read student essays for the standardized testing industry and we just finished a project for Seniors that failed the test last spring and again in the summer. It was a horrid 2 weeks.

+4

These are great!

Made me laugh

+5

Let me guess. The very first line of every story from where these were taken was, “It was a dark and stormy night…”

+2

One of my favorites was from a Mickey Spillane story.

She entered the bar and walked towards me, with her hips waving a silent hello.

Gotta love Mick!

+5

Worthy of a Bulwer-Lytton honorable mention.

+4

It was a dark and stormy night, when, collectively, many numerous high school students sat around together in a hodge-podge half circle on several chairs, where they were apparently too challenged to write down all their thoughts on paper, since evil choking republicans wouldn’t cough-up-the-dough for brandnew laptops for the goodkids to compute on, and that, THAT was the best they come to

+4

The teenager wrote a bad story, bad like gum under the desk of life.

+5

#10 works for me. I know people that it fits.

One Spillane-like description sticks with me still:

One afternoon as I sat in my office a beautiful redhead came in with a pair of 38s pointed right at me.

And she had a gun too.

8)

+8

“She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.”

@Mr. Pinko, I don’t know about the alleged ‘source’.
These are all previously documented…NTTAWWT.
http://tinyurl.com/a6gwswy

+1

I read a longer list of these same quips a few years ago. There was one about a bowling ball on a lake that cracked me up big time. I forget how it went. I believe these are student attempts at coming up with absurd statements (maybe as a class project), not pulled from serious essays.

0

“The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

(Thanks Norman!)

+5

The Mickey Spillane references are hilarious. I, The Jury and My Gun Is Quick etc. are pulp classics, great stuff.

+3

@StBS “.. penmanship, ..has gone the way of the buggy whip in the public school systems.’

How true.

My wife was in a auto accident recently. She had the accident report halfway filled out when the young small town LEO asked her to rewrite it because he can not read handwritten script writing. Not that my wife’s penmanship is poor, he just can’t read script. My wife told me this wasn’t the first time she had encountered this problem.

+2

The autumn leaves fell around me like bird shit falls from a flock of north bound geese on a cold winter’s day.

+5