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Really Bad Analogies Written by High School Students

Home - by - December 4, 2012 - 14:29 America/New_York - 26 Comments

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  1. Keith in Seattle

    December 4th, 2012

    And these are the next gen of voters? SCARY!

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  2. RANDO

    December 4th, 2012

    “Insert presidential analogy here…”

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  3. Menderman

    December 4th, 2012

    These sound like Ratherisms.

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  4. Necrophidius

    December 4th, 2012

    I read with understanding much like a democrat.

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  5. Plain Jane

    December 4th, 2012

    Obama was a president of historical stature, like that of Stalin or Mao.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  6. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    December 4th, 2012

    Oh, come on. Some of those are pretty good. Number three almost makes it to excellent except for the machine reference (rather than the flesh).

    Nine is actually an accidental gem.

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  7. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    December 4th, 2012

    And I can even picture number six in certain political references.

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  8. J Frank Parnell

    December 4th, 2012

    They are so diversely bad, it’s like having an affirmative-action mulatto kenyan as president of the United States.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  9. Machloja

    December 4th, 2012

    #7 is Nobel worthy.

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  10. Stirrin the B.S.

    December 4th, 2012

    Like penmanship, english grammar has gone the way of the buggy whip in the public school systems.

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  11. scribble

    December 4th, 2012

    These analogies are as stupid as a liberal who graduated from a public school.

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  12. Old York, OY

    December 4th, 2012

    He knew nothing at all about politics, but George Soros loved him enough to put the mojo in his presidential campaign — like a cup of hot coffee without monkey shit in it.

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  13. Claudia

    December 4th, 2012

    Hey! These are actually very good compared to the group of essays I just finished reading!

    I read student essays for the standardized testing industry and we just finished a project for Seniors that failed the test last spring and again in the summer. It was a horrid 2 weeks.

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  14. serfer62

    December 4th, 2012

    These are great!

    Made me laugh

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  15. Stranded in Sonoma

    December 4th, 2012

    Let me guess. The very first line of every story from where these were taken was, “It was a dark and stormy night…”

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  16. Stranded in Sonoma

    December 4th, 2012

    One of my favorites was from a Mickey Spillane story.

    She entered the bar and walked towards me, with her hips waving a silent hello.

    Gotta love Mick!

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  17. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    December 4th, 2012

    Worthy of a Bulwer-Lytton honorable mention.

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  18. jus screamin laffin yo

    December 4th, 2012

    It was a dark and stormy night, when, collectively, many numerous high school students sat around together in a hodge-podge half circle on several chairs, where they were apparently too challenged to write down all their thoughts on paper, since evil choking republicans wouldn’t cough-up-the-dough for brandnew laptops for the goodkids to compute on, and that, THAT was the best they come to

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  19. Houston

    December 4th, 2012

    The teenager wrote a bad story, bad like gum under the desk of life.

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  20. Dadof3

    December 4th, 2012

    #10 works for me. I know people that it fits.

    One Spillane-like description sticks with me still:

    One afternoon as I sat in my office a beautiful redhead came in with a pair of 38s pointed right at me.

    And she had a gun too.

    8)

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  21. norman einstein

    December 4th, 2012

    “She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.”

    @Mr. Pinko, I don’t know about the alleged ‘source’.
    These are all previously documented…NTTAWWT.
    http://tinyurl.com/a6gwswy

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  22. Corona

    December 4th, 2012

    I read a longer list of these same quips a few years ago. There was one about a bowling ball on a lake that cracked me up big time. I forget how it went. I believe these are student attempts at coming up with absurd statements (maybe as a class project), not pulled from serious essays.

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  23. Corona

    December 4th, 2012

    “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

    (Thanks Norman!)

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  24. the aardvark

    December 4th, 2012

    The Mickey Spillane references are hilarious. I, The Jury and My Gun Is Quick etc. are pulp classics, great stuff.

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  25. Blink

    December 4th, 2012

    @StBS “.. penmanship, ..has gone the way of the buggy whip in the public school systems.’

    How true.

    My wife was in a auto accident recently. She had the accident report halfway filled out when the young small town LEO asked her to rewrite it because he can not read handwritten script writing. Not that my wife’s penmanship is poor, he just can’t read script. My wife told me this wasn’t the first time she had encountered this problem.

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  26. Say What?

    December 4th, 2012

    The autumn leaves fell around me like bird shit falls from a flock of north bound geese on a cold winter’s day.

    Thumb up +5