Cracked – the poor man’s Mad Magazine when I was a kid – attempts political commentary. Challenged by David Stein of countercontempt.com (Mr. Pinko)
The Islamic Apologist from “Cracked”
By David Stein
I’ll be the first to admit that Cracked.com can be quite addicting. For a movie geek like myself, the essays about movie plot holes, superhero film inconsistencies, and zombie apocalypse speculations have many times saved me from the burden of actually working.
Of course, there’s always a temptation among the people who write for a site like Cracked to try to make themselves more relevant to the world; to write about loftier topics than whether zombies would become immobile during the first winter following the undead epidemic. So every now and again, one of the geeks at Cracked decides to get political. And that is almost always a huge mistake. Because if you’re going to do the edgy, hipper-than-the-room routine, you have to be smarter than your material.
But when those Cracked writers try to rise above their station…oh, the humanity. Jacopo della Quercia is a Cracked staff writer. Is that a pseudonym? I don’t know, I don’t care. He’s a funny guy when he’s writing about classic movies that were rip-offs of other films. But damn if he didn’t get it into his head that he was going to use Cracked to do a “socially conscious” piece about how Muslims are totally misunderstood by the Judeo-Christian world. Indeed, he argued, in certain ways they’re more forward thinking than us primitives in the West!
The poor dumb bastard. Look, I get it…not everyone is content with the notion that their greatest accomplishment in life was pointing out continuity errors in Star Trek episodes. But dear God, if you’re going to reach beyond your abilities, at least have a weighty enough pair of stones to defend your claims when some drunk little Jew challenges you.
Here’s Jacopo’s Cracked piece, 5 Ridiculous Things You Probably Believe About Islam. Go ahead and read it first (but don’t get distracted by the juicy sidebar stories…read the one I linked to and GET BACK HERE!).
Now, most of us could pick apart a dozen of this lightweight’s claims, like when he writes that it’s a myth that Muslims force women to wear veils, his proof being that some Muslim nations have attempted to ban the veil. Poor Jacopo, so out of his intellectual element. As any one of us could point out, those unfortunate Muslims who actually do want to drag their civilization out of the dark ages have tried to ban the veil specifically because they know that if the Islamists are not kept down by law, they WILL take over and force the veil (or burqa) on every woman. Perhaps in-between watching “The Avengers” for continuity goofs, Jacopo should be following what’s happening in Egypt, Libya, Turkey, etc.
I’ll try to phrase it in a way that Jacopo might understand. You don’t ban something unless you fear it will happen. No one has ever had to ban skateboarding in a swamp or a marsh. Skateboarding is typically banned in parking lots and outdoor malls…you know, the places where it might occur.
Anyway, I had an interesting back-and-forth with Jacopo that I never got around to publishing. It’s thin, really thin. And not consequential. I mean, the guy just writes for Cracked…which (now that I think about it) means that he probably has more readers than every AP and Reuters guy I’ve humiliated in the past three years combined.