» News

ANGRY WHITE DUDE ANNOUNCES GUN BUY-BACK PROGRAM TO STOP CRIME!

Home - by - December 4, 2012 - 11:00 America/New_York - 13 Comments

AWD

BRING THIS TO AWD!

It’s time all you goat ropers stop clinging to your evil Wilson Combat .45′s and Weatherby .300′s! This crime wave has gone too far and must stop! Luckily, AWD has come to the rescue based upon the example set by Worcester, Massachusetts. I’m going to have myself a little ol’ gun buy-back program and you’re all invited!

According to the Daily Caller:

Citizens can anonymously turn in ”unloaded and wrapped in a bag” semi-automatic firearms, handguns or long guns in exchange for a flu shot and a Wegman’s gift certificate for $75, $50 or $25 respectively. The police department also welcomes residents to turn in non-operable guns, live ammunition and firearm accessories, although no incentive is offered for those items.

Now, AWD calls bullsh*t on turning in any guns that don’t work! Might as well turn in a rock! But I will accept any unfired ammo. I also will accept knives and flashlights. Love me some flashlights! As long as they work!

To stop crime, AWD will accept your crime-committing guns no questions asked. If you turn in a gun, you’ll receive the following:

  • 1911 .45 ACP – one genuine sexy AWD t shirt guaranteed to get your ass laid and a bottle of Hai Karate after shave
  • .22 or .32 handgun – a bottle of lavendar-scented bubble bath and a box of tampons
  • .270, .308 or 30-06 by Ruger, Winchester, Remington – two AWD t shirts and whatever change AWD has in his pocket.
  • AR-15 or M4 – three AWD t shirts, $25, and the personal cell phone number of Janine Turner
  • Glock handgun – two AWD t shirts and “Dude of the Week” status on Angry White Dude.com
  • Weatherby .257 or .300 – three AWD t shirts, Dude of the Week status and a date with Janine Turner!

As you can see, AWD is serious about stopping crime in America!  Who wants a gay gift card to Wal Mart or a flu shot when you can sport your own supa-sexy AWD t shirt and run around town with Janine Turner on your arm?  (Disclaimer:  date with Janine Turner subject to my talking her into going out with a redneck, goat-roping redneck like yourself….which is doubtful, junior)

More

» 13 Comments

  1. Doc

    December 4th, 2012

    I’ll out bid AWD on some choice items which you may want to turn in.

    Thumb up +3

     
  2. Diann

    December 4th, 2012

    A BOX OF TAMPONS?!!! Where do I sign up?!

    Thumb up +6

     
  3. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    December 4th, 2012

    What about my .22 cat pistol which it turns out is too noisy to use effectively?

    Thumb up +1

     
  4. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    December 4th, 2012

    Are those French Tickler tampons?

    Thumb up +1

     
  5. Bad Brad

    December 4th, 2012

    oooH, Wilson Combat. Gun porn. I love it.

    Thumb up +2

     
  6. serfer62

    December 4th, 2012

    Here’s the way to work the system

    Stand around the station but out of camera scan.
    Solict bag carrying people with cash
    Swap same with AWED for a T shirt

    or

    send to me for twice what you apid

    Thumb up +1

     
  7. Two Legged Blue Eyed Cracker

    December 4th, 2012

    AWD

    I have a Mosin with bayonet fixed. It only cost $90 but I will use it, without ammo, to take away all of your t-shirts.

    I also need the bubble bath to clean my barrel after using corrosive commie ammo.

    Thumb up +1

     
  8. Two Legged Blue Eyed Cracker

    December 4th, 2012

    I will volunteer to teach Janine Turner how to shoot a Mosin, as proper instruction involves placing the shooter into the correct stance. When newbies launch a round, they always fly a bit to the rear.

    Thumb up +2

     
  9. Corny

    December 4th, 2012

    Is the “live” in live ammo really needed? What would “dead” ammo be?

    Thumb up +1

     
  10. F.D.R. in Hell

    December 4th, 2012

    Take your flu shot and gift card and cram them up your chimney. HoHoHo.
    :evil:

    Thumb up 0

     
  11. Weldor

    December 4th, 2012

    Well, if Janine Turner is part of the deal, I’ve got a 7MM Rem Mag I’ll pony up.

    Keep the .45, though, mine has a better trigger…

    Thumb up +1

     
  12. Weldor

    December 4th, 2012

    @Boobie – put that suppressor on a rifle and put a bit of water in it.

    No suppressor?

    Try some of this, but be advised it will effectively turn the weapon into a single shot…

    http://bulletin.accurateshooter.com/2011/12/new-quiet-22-rimfire-ammo-from-cci-just-68-db-of-noise/

    Thumb up 0

     
  13. Old York, OY

    December 4th, 2012

    WTF is a “goat-roping redneck” ?? Thems fightin words. And I have a much bigger arsenal than any goat humpper.

    Thumb up 0