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For the Love of Humanity, Make it Stop! Edwards Sex Tape

Home - by - January 25, 2010 - 09:22 America/New_York - 86 Comments

Oh, please. Make it stop. I was dreading this day; I knew one had to be out there. John Edwards loves himself too much to NOT have made a tape of himself in various “acts”.

Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains “several sex acts.” And that his aide, Andrew Young found it on an unmarked DVD.

The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards “is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says ‘whoa’. She’s behind the camera at first.”

Man, the only thing worse than seeing an “O” face, is the thought of a primpy, pose-y “O” face.  On the plus side, perhaps it is just him admiring himself in front of a mirror? Sigh. No, we won’t get off that easily, I suspect. I wonder if he says things like “Baby, I’ve got your Two Americas right here” or “Who’s your illegitimate baby daddy?” or “Oh, baby, how do you like my stimulus package?”

When John Edwards blames Bush, it takes on a whole different and oh so icky meaning.

h/t Moe Lane

» 86 Comments

  1. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Good God woman, I just ate breakfast!!!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  2. matt

    January 25th, 2010

    I don’t know why anyone would be suprised by this revelation. I am a bit shocked that it was not filmed in a house of mirrors so h could see himself from every angle.

    Thumb up +8

     
  3. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    I heard the foreplay in the tape was 15 minutes of her brushing Edward’s hair

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  4. Diann

    January 25th, 2010

    LOL!
    The comments so far are PRICELESS!

    Thumb up +3

     
  5. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Okay Guys And Gals
    What do you all think of coming up with a name for sex tape? Come on someone fire the first salvo

    Thumb up +4

     
  6. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Behind the Green Door – An Alfonso Gorio production.

    Thumb up +4

     
  7. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Raped by a Pompous Pompadour.

    Thumb up +3

     
  8. matt

    January 25th, 2010

    Wherethe HELL is BFH? Horrorman just came up with the best idea in days….I will not even put down the name I cme up with until he starts the contest…which we all know is coming.

    Thumb up +5

     
  9. Tom Mo

    January 25th, 2010

    I just can’t stand the prick. I’m so glad he’s cooked

    Thumb up +3

     
  10. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Edwards: ” When I think of me…I touch myself “

    Thumb up +9

     
  11. matt

    January 25th, 2010

    John edwards wishes he had two wieners so he could pleasure himself while watching himself pleasure himself.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +21

     
  12. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Matt
    I have tears from laughing so hard!!

    Thumb up +2

     
  13. [...] I knew this day was coming. John Edwards is far too much of a narcissist; he had to have made a tape of himself in various “acts”. From Gawker: Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle [...]

    Thumb up 0

     
  14. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    When you go to the link in Lori’s article, the picture of Edwards has him holding out his 2 hands like a fisherman measuring the one that got away! Perfect.

    Thumb up +6

     
  15. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    @Horrorman

    are you sure it wasn’t fifteen minutes of HIM brushing his OWN hair?

    Thumb up +4

     
  16. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    Actually, I bet the bastard squirms a little when he walks past any mirror.

    Thumb up +4

     
  17. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    Edwards: “I kissed myself…and I liked it.”

    Thumb up +7

     
  18. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    @ Grackle Black
    He was thinking it was foreplay for her to brush his hair

    Thumb up +6

     
  19. Sam

    January 25th, 2010

    “Everyone who sees it says ‘whoa’”

    Well he either has a v@gina or a cocktail frank because he drives an SUV. Maybe that’s the ‘whoa’.

    Thumb up +2

     
  20. even steven

    January 25th, 2010

    I’m sure the video has about the same appeal as watching roaches screw.

    Thumb up +6

     
  21. Diann

    January 25th, 2010

    Even Steven:
    Yeah. I was actually thinking “walking in on Mom and Dad” just got put on the list of things I’d rather see.

    Thumb up +3

     
  22. Lori Ziganto

    January 25th, 2010

    I *knew* y’all would come up with the BEST lines. Thankies! I’m giggling madly :D

    Thumb up +3

     
  23. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    steven
    congratulations, you just singlehandedly offended every roach on the planet

    Thumb up +3

     
  24. Big Johnny

    January 25th, 2010

    Thanks for the avatar Dixie. It’s sooooo ME !

    A pretty autographed picture of me is on its way to you, along with a signed and numbered copy of my best-selling book, FOUR TRIALS. Yours is #18.

    Thumb up +4

     
  25. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    I guess this is the video his campaign paid for

    She: Cock and awe!

    He: For Rielle.

    Thumb up +5

     
  26. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    Rielle’s real name is Lisa Jo Druck…

    you all take it from there (at your own risk) ;-)

    Thumb up +6

     
  27. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    Lisa Jo’s parents raised horses in Florida…
    I guess she was attracted to Johnny by what she was accustomed to having down on the farm. :-)

    Thumb up +3

     
  28. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    I think i just threw up a little in my mouth…

    Thumb up +4

     
  29. Mr. Pinko

    January 25th, 2010

     
  30. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    @ Mr. Pinko
    He was just trying to demonstrate his pre-sex robot dance

    Thumb up +3

     
  31. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    @Sam

    The ‘whoa’ comes from watching the “unbridled” sex.

    Cue more -horse- jokes… 3.. 2.. 1..

    :-)

    Thumb up +4

     
  32. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    That’s why he was her Mane Man

    Thumb up +3

     
  33. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    Yep, I said he looks like the fisherman who wants to describe the one that got away….

    Thumb up +1

     
  34. Leroy

    January 25th, 2010

    I just bought the tape from a guy on the street in DC…

    I sure hope it’s not all green and cloudy from the night-vision lens. Don’t ya’ just hate those glowing eyes!

    Thumb up +4

     
  35. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    @ Dixie
    Edwards has been known at times to duck a f@!k…But to f@!K a DRUCK!

    Thumb up +4

     
  36. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    Fisherman? LOL

    Oh Rebecca, you sweet, innocent child. xo ;-)

    Thumb up +3

     
  37. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    I guess she fell in love with a Fodder figure

    Thumb up +7

     
  38. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    @Horrorman18

    Maybe she wasn’t very close to her Mudder.

    Thumb up +7

     
  39. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    @ Dixie
    TOUCHE’…nice follow-up!

    Thumb up +3

     
  40. Betty

    January 25th, 2010

    I think I really just threw up. Haven’t decided yet what caused it.

    Thumb up +1

     
  41. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    I wonder what Triggered their affair?

    Thumb up +9

     
  42. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    That would explain why Edwards favorite poll is The Gallup

    Thumb up +7

     
  43. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    He really does love being groomed

    Thumb up +4

     
  44. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    I do know that when Lisa Jo was younger…
    she was a staunch supporter of Equine Rights For Women.

    Thumb up +7

     
  45. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    …and why he voted nay on continuing his campaign?

    Thumb up +5

     
  46. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    January 25th, 2010

    The subject of this post lends new meaning to Rush Limbaugh’s parody song by Paul Shanklin as John Edwards:

    “Why I Love Gays.”

    Thumb up 0

     
  47. Moe Tom

    January 25th, 2010

    Ccanged from Tom Mo to Moe Tom

    Thumb up 0

     
  48. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    Ok, this horsing around is making me wonder if Kerry’s feed bag has been filled today.

    I hear he’ll really lose his head, if he’s fed on time.

    Thumb up +1

     
  49. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    If Lisa Jo didn’t want have sex she would tell him she had a NAGging head-ache

    Thumb up +2

     
  50. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    Johnny should have know that the affair with her would Stirrup trouble.

    Thumb up +5

     
  51. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    Dumb Johnny got Saddled with another kid.

    Thumb up +4

     
  52. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Lisa Jo said that in bed he is great right outta the gate

    Thumb up +3

     
  53. Dixie

    January 25th, 2010

    That’s it, I bow to Horroman18.

    I’ve been rode hard and put away wet. ;-)

    Thumb up +5

     
  54. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Where’s Mongo when you need him?

    Thumb up +2

     
  55. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    @ Dixie
    I’m not worthy…I’m not worthy

    Thumb up +4

     
  56. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    Dixie…you both have me on the floor laughing.

    Thumb up +2

     
  57. Diann

    January 25th, 2010

    Whoa, now! I’m waiting for the bare back joke.

    Thumb up +2

     
  58. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    …or the broke back joke.

    Thumb up +1

     
  59. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    I’m guessing Lisa Jo was driving when she gave him the news…otherwise, this story might have had a very dark ending.

    Thumb up +1

     
  60. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…

    If she doesn’t GITTY UP…GITTY OFF!

    Thumb up +2

     
  61. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Ok…I’m not done
    I heard he would take a little viagra to give him a little giddy-up in bed

    Thumb up +3

     
  62. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Hey, where’s our in-house equine expert when we need her (Conservative CowGirl)…

    Thumb up +4

     
  63. F.D.R. in Hell

    January 25th, 2010

    @Matt – “John Edwards wishes he had two wieners so he could pleasure himself while watching himself pleasure himself.”

    Orson Welles did it in the movies with mirrors.

    :-)

    Thumb up +3

     
  64. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    Did he make her call him Mr. Ed?

    Thumb up +7

     
  65. Horrorman18

    January 25th, 2010

    Lisa Jo: “John not so Ruffian”

    Thumb up +1

     
  66. [...] at iowntheworld.com and Horowitz’s NewsReal) Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)John Edwards Sex [...]

    Thumb up 0

     
  67. Moe Tom

    January 25th, 2010

    The Groom did it

    Thumb up +1

     
  68. Grackle Black

    January 25th, 2010

    Edwards probably thought a little roll in the hay would never cause him to find a new stable.

    Thumb up 0

     
  69. MissInMich

    January 25th, 2010

    Wither or not you agree, Edwards affair was extremely tack-y, as he was already mare-ied

    That dam Rielle cried foal when Edwards denied the kid…now he’s saying ‘yes sire, that’s my baby’. What a jackass

    Thumb up +2

     
  70. Sicktoy

    January 25th, 2010

    Did I miss the memo on new avatar day? Y’all are lookin’ good!

    Thumb up 0

     
  71. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    No, Sicktoy, some of us are still who we are! LOL

    I like the new ones, too, but sort of miss my ole’ buddies…..and Tom is still looking for his first avatar (I can’t help you, Tom, Admin Girl probably could, though)

    And I wish I could have adopted the squirrel before Matt sent him packing – he could have stayed on the porch with the scotch and the milk.

    Thumb up +1

     
  72. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Having our own almost domesticated troll is kind of like having a skunk that lives under your house. It mainly lives on our garbage, but occasionally it is lucky enough to find a dog turd to chew on. And every once in a while it makes a little stink.

    Hang in there Hiney, you still have a job here.

    Thumb up +2

     
  73. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Well Moe Tom, we’re waiting when are you gonna whip it out (Avatar that is)?

    Thumb up +1

     
  74. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Rebecca, I have a squirrel you might be interested in. If you like I’ll send it to Admin Girl and she can relay it.

    Thumb up +1

     
  75. Diann

    January 25th, 2010

    I also move my furniture around frequently. I like change.

    Thumb up +1

     
  76. Peter

    January 25th, 2010

    “Sigh. No, we won’t get off that easily, I suspect.”

    Yecch. I won’t be getting off at all. Not even Viagra would make this work

    Thumb up 0

     
  77. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    Doc, thanks but I didn’t mean to use the squirrel for an avatar – just that I liked it too much to say goodbye to it — and I liked your Alf/devil/doc…even though I miss it, too (I hope you know that’s what I meant?) :-)

    Thumb up 0

     
  78. Just call me Doc

    January 25th, 2010

    Rebecca, Alf is still here, he’s just having a bad hair week.

    Thumb up +2

     
  79. rebecca

    January 25th, 2010

    :-)
    glad to hear that Alf’s still around!

    Thumb up +1

     
  80. Sicktoy

    January 25th, 2010

    @JustDoc – if Alf is having a bad hair week, what is Bill the Cat having?

    Thumb up +4

     
  81. McHugeLarge

    January 25th, 2010

    I’ve been missing the party on this one, damn this working for a living! My name for the #1 movie NOT TO SEE, EVER – “The John Edwards Ipecac”

    Thumb up +2

     
  82. matt

    January 25th, 2010

    Rebecca,The squirrel still exists! I have him resting quietly. In fact I went and found several more combat ready suirrels that I will be unveiling soon. I just was in a Buford Pusser kind of mood.
    The wierd thing is that on my computer I have never stopped being the squirrel,I dont see buford.

    Thumb up +1

     
  83. Triumph

    January 25th, 2010

    avatar test

    Thumb up +2

     
  84. Matt

    January 25th, 2010

    That was weird.

    Thumb up +6

     
  85. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lori Z, Dede Taylor, Courtney R., King Shamus, Rick and others. Rick said: How low can he go?RT @snarkandboobs: Quickie (heh): For the Love of Humanity, Make it Stop! Edwards Sex Tape http://bit.ly/8Bagu4 #ohsoicky [...]

    Thumb up 0

     
  86. Sicktoy

    January 25th, 2010

    Matt, what is weirder is that this morning everyone had a new avatar….tonight everyone is back to their normal selves….hmmmm…

    Thumb up +2