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Dogs’ Rules For Humans

Home - by - December 3, 2012 - 20:45 America/New_York - 35 Comments

As seen on the internecks:

h/t  Doc

» 35 Comments

  1. Alpha Maser

    December 3rd, 2012

    That’s right! This is why I love dogs and dislike cats!

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  2. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Nothing better than waking up to 4 warm paws on your back.

    Catz suk!

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  3. the aardvark

    December 3rd, 2012

    Addendum to #10. My female golden retriever sticks her nose on my leg or my lap and gives me the sad puppy eye routine to guilt me into giving her something of what I have. Works most of the time. And fortunately she sleeps on the floor at the foot of my bed, she won’t get onto the bed but does think the couch is her favorite place to rest. Good thing my ex wife doesn’t live here anymore, the dog would be toast for sleeping on the couch. I’ll keep the dog!

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  4. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    Additional rule 11 for Chesapeake s. Miss one more duck, give me the damn gun and you go fetch them.

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  5. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    lol Brad, I can’t tell you how many times 3 dudes stood there looking at feathers all over the decoy spread, 3 empty semi-auto shotguns and said: “What the fcuk!”

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  6. jclady

    December 3rd, 2012

    Love #3.

    Sophie was totally attached to my side. But as soon as I turned on the bath water, she was gone!

    :)

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  7. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    old_oaks, Yea, pull that crap on my first Chessie and I swear he’d give the most insulting “you Suck” look you’ve ever seen.

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  8. Jethro

    December 3rd, 2012

    Brad and Oaks
    A few years ago I was in a blind with two other guys. A mallard flew across the river straight at us. When he was close enough we all opened fire. He turned straight upward. We had never seen that before, so we didn’t know how to lead him. We all emptied our guns and never even touched him. We then turned back to the opposite shore. While flying back I swear he laughed at us….

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  9. Jethro

    December 3rd, 2012

    HE then turned back to the opposite shore….

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  10. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Brad, that’s when we pull out the bacon and cast iron before adding ribeyes!

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  11. Jethro

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #11
    It’s because I CAN…

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  12. Aidan

    December 3rd, 2012

    My wife must have written that.

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  13. jclady

    December 3rd, 2012

    For the anti-cat folks, consider a Maine Coon.

    They are the cat version of dogs. Will follow you around the house (and are very vocal) waiting for you to stop so they can plop down beside you.

    As for the bed, they don’t care if they are at your feet, under the covers snuggling or wrapped around your head on the pillow.

    Grew up with cats and dogs. I have a different appreciation of cats because of the Maine Coon.

    :)

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  14. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Jethro, I’ve been in the blind more times than I can count and I’m never surprised. We had a “couple” on us one day and we shot the hen, the drake flew off, but loved the way we talked. He circled the decoys 4 times and each time 3 guns went off, each time 3 guns failed… He finally figured she wasn’t that pretty.

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  15. Nutjob

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #12, I get to drink from the toilet whenever you leave the lid up.

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  16. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    old_oaks, your last post reminds me of our favorite duck recipe. Breast out some Teal, wrap the breast and a piece of bacon around a water chestnut or a jalapeno, Grill with your favorite sauce. Damn, now I’m hungry. We use to shoot a ton a ducks, most were consumed at the club.

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  17. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    Jethro, Had a lot of Teal pull the old straight up ballistic routine, but never a mallard.

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  18. Nutjob

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #13, its mandatory I piss on every object that I can, in the dog world its called P-mail.

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  19. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Brad, I’m usually out later than Teal… Want filet mignon on a chicken breast? Try WOOD DUCK! But I loves me some Mallard!

    We make fun of the fella that shoots a Merganser… He’s gonna cook it up with some nice shad glaze!

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  20. Jethro

    December 3rd, 2012

    I always let the divers fly by, but the dabblers are fair game.

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  21. Jethro

    December 3rd, 2012

    Did you know that wood ducks are the only north american duck that can land on a tree branch. The other ducks can’t grasp with their feet…

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  22. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    Not to many Merganser out here and Cali. but I got a Wood Duck mount staring over my right shoulder as I type. We use to call Teal little flying Fillet Mignons. Last day of the season 5 years ago, real foggy, me and my two sons walked out of the blind after an hour with 3 limits. We just kept whistling at them and they kept coming. Had one shell left. Fast little suckers. I was sure hoping Romney got in so we might have a chance to enjoy that stuff again. Expensive in Cali.

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  23. Nutjob

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #14, I have to bring the stinky bone I buried 2 weeks ago inside otherwise it’ll rot.

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  24. Nutjob

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #15, chasing the neighbors cat is mandetory.

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  25. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Yes Jethro, I started hunting ducks in Oakwood Bottoms, Southern Illinois… Basically I’d spread 6-12 decoys out the flooded woods and wait for them to come in. Woodies were predominant and WTF were they doing standing in trees! The best vision I have of duck hunting is 1.) cupped wings & 2.) Woodies flying like F-16′s through trees!

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  26. xiphos

    December 3rd, 2012

    One more: ‘You keep throwing the stick and tell me to fetch it. Well if you want it so much, just stop throwing the damn thing.’

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  27. Nutjob

    December 3rd, 2012

    Rule #16, were required by law to get into the trash.

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  28. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Brad we have a lot of divers on the Illinois River, and coots are just fun to shoot… Off the water!

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  29. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    Coot now, ask questions later. Fat loser duck club moto.

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  30. old_oaks

    December 3rd, 2012

    Coots make a nice sauce for merganzer, herring and Asian Carp Pie!

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  31. Bad Brad

    December 3rd, 2012

    old_oaks, you need to add some Sky Carp (Seagulls) to that mixture.

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  32. serfer62

    December 3rd, 2012

    NEVER GIVE A D DOG A BATH AGAIN!!!

    Use a shop vac instead. Nobody gets wet. The dogs love it. Rid most fleas.

    How to do it
    1) leave the shopVac on while petting the dogs
    2) After a couple of days, grab the coller and vacum from neck to tail. Leave vac on and pet like crazy.
    3) With muliple dogs start with one till he comes to the vac noise.
    4) The others will gradually fall in.

    My Boys actually get in line when I turn the ShopVac on. Sometimes getting back in line.
    They come out clean, reduced flea problem, cooled down and smell like leather.

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  33. spymyeyes

    December 4th, 2012

    RULE #17

    No matter who you are or how often I have sniffed your crotch I still get to do it anytime I want to!

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  34. Troy

    December 4th, 2012

    #7 every…single…night!

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  35. Cube

    December 5th, 2012

    Re: #15. In Soviet Russia, cat chases dog.

    And also at my place. My geriatric cat still beats up dogs and chased a young one the other day. He doesn’t have front claws; hasn’t stopped him and he hasn’t lost yet.

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