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I Had Two Black Bears in my Driveway Last Night

Home - by - November 17, 2012 - 23:04 America/New_York - 15 Comments

It got me thinking. Bears are just like progressives-

They Smell

Destroy Property

Shit Everywhere

They Use Bush As A Cover

Don’t Work, Sleep In The Woods

They All Look Alike

Show Up Uninvited And Never Leave

Always Pissed About Something

Often Seen With Hot Pockets Wrappers Stuck To Their Feet

Claim They’re Vegans, But Will Eat A Burger When No One Is Looking

Send Their Children Out To Commit Crimes

Females Will Schtup Anybody

They Ride Bicycles

Females Are Big Fat And Hairy

They Eat Nuts And Berries You Wouldn’t Even Look At

They’re Always Barefoot




  1. Ten Megaton

    November 17th, 2012

    Where was Al Sharpton and Van Jones last night?

    Thumb up +6

  2. Bad Brad

    November 17th, 2012

    They have a death moan, just like progressives. It’s a great sound.

    Thumb up +4

  3. Snowball the Sourpuss

    November 18th, 2012

    They steal your food then root through your trash and never once say thanks.

    Thumb up +4

  4. Snowball the Sourpuss

    November 18th, 2012

    Shit where they please and never wipe their ass.

    Thumb up +2

  5. Unruly Refugee

    November 18th, 2012

    Thanks for posting this BFH. Now I have a place to vent on the same subject.

    I took two of my worst behaved grandsons hunting yesterday for deer. On the way to one of my favorite hunting spots a deer runs out from behind a barn, hops the fence and crosses the road right in front of me. A good size doe. It was early and I was kind of startled so I didn’t even think about hitting the brakes, I just watched it cross right in front of me and my drooling grandkids. Could have killed it with the truck if I had hit the gas.
    So we keep going and ten minutes later another doe loitering by the side of the road waits until I get within stone throwing range and darts out in front of me. Didn’t even slow us down. You can’t shoot from a vehicle here since they outlawed that in the 70s. And you can’t shoot within 100 feet of the center line of a road.
    So we go on to the deer woods. Scout around until lunch time, eat, look, nothing, move, look around, nothing, scout around, nothing. Not even a squirrel.
    Now it’s getting dark and we are hungry so we pack it up and head for the home cabin.
    It’s dark when I pull into my driveway and 35 feet from my front door are two big ol bucks and three does frozen in my head light beams. Shit con Caca ! So I honk the fukkin horn and they scatter, white tail in air over the fence and into the woods.

    Democrats are like deer in the headlights when they are asked to give a logical answer to any reasonable question.
    What I would like to know is how big a fukking horn do you have to use to get the bastards to leave?

    Thumb up +6

  6. Anne

    November 18th, 2012

    We used to own a log cabin on an island out in the middle of a big lake in upstate New York.

    It was very curious: A black bear in the area was quite a prankster. It repeatedly swam out to our island in the middle of the night for no other reason than to totally destroy our wood pile, giggling to itself maniacally as it swam away, presumably.

    Thumb up +5

  7. Anne

    November 18th, 2012

    That reminds me; to my surprise on one occasion when I threw a small log at it to shoo it away, it actuually caught the log in mid air and threw it back at me, scaring the shit out of me and shooing me away, instead. Hey, hey, Yogi, smarter than the average bear!

    Thumb up +5

  8. Dr Tar

    November 18th, 2012

    Bears are like progressives….

    …they are about as smart as 8 year olds.

    …if you feed them they become dependent on you and will attack if you cut them off.

    …they gorge themselves on garbage if they can than waddle away to sleep it off.

    …they can be trained to do stupid tricks by their handlers.

    Thumb up +5

  9. Death_By_Farts

    November 18th, 2012

    And, the result is equally comical when you shoot them…

    Thumb up 0

  10. xthred

    November 18th, 2012

    Very funny.

    Thumb up 0

  11. FreeMan & Sarah Intend to Defend

    November 18th, 2012

    Bear steal your bike again FUR?

    Thumb up +4

  12. FreeMan & Sarah Intend to Defend

    November 18th, 2012

    They are more honest, they attack you head on and not tax and regulate you to death from behind a desk.

    Thumb up +2

  13. Poonces

    November 18th, 2012

    Did Harrison Schultz the Occupooper finally get a job that he’s qualified for? I’m assuming he’s at least adept at shitting in parks by now. From his mouth no less!

    Thumb up 0

  14. Mr.Gates

    November 18th, 2012

    They abandon their children. (Don’t they Barack?)

    They only care about themselves. (Barack?)

    They invade the dens of others. (“American” “Community” “Survey”.)

    They enjoy hallucinogenic plants. (Barack?)

    They steal from their neighbors.

    Love handouts.

    They’re disease vectors.

    They don’t really believe in global warming.

    They’re genetically hard wired to behave like animals.

    Thumb up +1

  15. [...] [High Praise! to iOwnTheWorld] [...]

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