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Could You Be Part of the Petraeus Scandal?

Home - by - November 15, 2012 - 17:00 America/New_York - 18 Comments

Diogenes’ Middle Finger

How to tell if you might be involved in the Petraeus Affair

As the  Petraeus  scandal widens day by day, and in response to a high volume of panicked phone calls from the general public, the C.I.A. has published a new informational brochure entitled “How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal.”

The C.I.A. rushed to produce the brochure after it became clear that as many as one in one thousand Americans may have some involvement in the Petraeus affair.

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» 18 Comments

  1. Tim

    November 15th, 2012

    Does this mean that Jill and/or Paula may come over to my house all decked out in lingerie and dance on my coffee table?

    I think that would prolly piss off the wife …

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  2. Stranded in Sonoma

    November 15th, 2012

    My father was a career Army officer like General Petraeus. So I guess I’m part of the scandal.

    Can I put that on my blog without fear of FBI reprisal?

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  3. Stranded in Sonoma

    November 15th, 2012

    @Tim — Just tell your wife they’re from the Maid Service. If that doesn’t work, try saying that Broadwell is a starting QB from the Lingerie Football League. With guns like Broadwell’s, it should be an easy sell.

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  4. Bayouwulf

    November 15th, 2012

    “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica…er, Paula Broadwell”

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  5. Stirrin the B.S.

    November 15th, 2012

    Is this anything like, “You might be a redneck if…..”?

    You might be involved in the Patraeus scandal if, you ever read “ALL up IN my snatch”?

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  6. Moxie Man

    November 15th, 2012

    The only Jill Kelley (Kelly) I have ever known intimately was a porn actress turned producer.

    So, I guess I’m guilty of having an affair with her, although it was more of a “Menage à Moi”.

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  7. Ornery1

    November 15th, 2012

    I knew this would come out. I’m in a picture with the General. It was taken in the US Embassy in Baghdad–so that means I get diplomatic immunity or something.

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  8. Kairn

    November 15th, 2012

    Hmmm…I am wondering how Kevin Bacon fits in to this saga.

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  9. Serious Putty

    November 15th, 2012

    Fuck you, assholes. I had nothing to do with it. There is nobody under my desk.

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  10. Serious Putty

    November 15th, 2012

    P.S. Fuck you, assholes.

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  11. F.D.R. in Hell

    November 15th, 2012

    I had an affair with Eleanor’s secretary, Lucy Mercer. In fact, my daughter arranged for Lucy to be with me in Warm Springs the afternoon I died.

    General Petraeus and I both needed to have our prostates serviced. We both married gorgeous wives. Does make ME involved somehow?

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  12. Babs in Hell

    November 15th, 2012

    Wendell Willkie should have kicked your ass in ’40.
    Being married to you was like being married to Julius Caesar, except there was nothing under the toga that I wanted.
    :eek:

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  13. F.D.R. in Hell

    November 15th, 2012

    Babs, who in Hell showed you how to blog? :roll:

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  14. FreeMan & Sarah Intend to Defend

    November 15th, 2012

    If only he picked up a gay soldier there would be no story. His real crime is being Hetro in the military.

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  15. Steaming Pyle

    November 15th, 2012

    Uh-oh. I’ve been to Tampa and driven in front of Jill Kelly’s house.

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  16. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    November 15th, 2012

    I’m worried because I hired a shapely young lass to write my memoirs of when I was in the military.

    Oh, I wasn’t actually in the military? That’s o.k. – she doesn’t actually know how to write, either.

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  17. Mz BallBreaker

    November 16th, 2012

    @Tim….. Tell your wife they are the advance team for Peelousy and her Dance of the 49 veils….takes that many to hide her , *gaggggggging*, attributes, hoping the viewer will die of asphyxiation from her dry hole green gasses before the final reveal…gaggggggggggggggg!

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  18. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    November 16th, 2012

    “Have you or anyone else ever yelled “INCOMING” while in the act of making love?”

    Only with WAFs, and that was YEARS ago, before Petraeus was out of high school.

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