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City of the big shoulders worries about your waistline

Home - by - November 15, 2012 - 09:30 America/New_York - 13 Comments

DC

You’d think that Chicago, of all places, would’ve learned that prohibition doesn’t work. But now that Emperor Rahm has solved all the other problems in the Windy City, he wants to make sure everybody can still fit into their ballet tights.

NBC Chicago:

Mayor Rahm Emanuel said Wednesday he’s cracking down on the caloric content of vending machines in city buildings and plans to replace them all with healthy vending by next year.

A proposed ordinance, to be introduced this week, will lay out plans for the new machines and detail guidelines on fat, sugar and calorie content starting in January 2013.

“These new vending machines will make it easier than ever before for city employees and the public to make healthy lifestyle decisions,” Emanuel said. “When city employees take their wellness into their own hands, we can reduce health care costs and also serve as a model for the residents of Chicago when it comes to making healthy choices.”

Don’t you see how much Rahm cares about you, Chicagoans? He’s helping you make healthy lifestyle decisions by limiting what you can decide. He’s putting your wellness into your own hands by taking it out of your hands. After all, we can’t truly be free if people insist on making the wrong choices.

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» 13 Comments

  1. CrustyB

    November 15th, 2012

    The guy who went swimming in Lake Michigan after slicing his finger on an Arby’s meat slicer and subsequently had to have it amputated is going to control my health decisions.

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  2. hanoverfist

    November 15th, 2012

    “When I Was a Kid, This Was a Free Country”

    G. Gordon Liddy

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  3. Blink

    November 15th, 2012

    I’d much prefer a method to get rid of corrupt fat cat politicians for a healthy nation.

    If a politician is over the guideline limits for, handing out too many freebies, deficit spending, reducing freedom, or harming national security. He is disqualified from running for office again. He gets removed from the vending machine.

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  4. Menderman

    November 15th, 2012

    Well, skinny people use smaller caskets, and with Chicagos murder rate, cemetaries are filling up fast, so Rahm may be on to something…oh, and the city has to pay for most of those caskets, and the double wides cost more.

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  5. MM

    November 15th, 2012

    I think it’s great he’s taken care of the 40 or so shootings A WEEK and has moved onto the really important things a mayor needs to do.

    Effing douche

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  6. even steven

    November 15th, 2012

    Well, thank God that if I’m shot by gang bangers up in Chicago, I can crawl over to a vending machine and get an apple before I bleed to death.

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  7. scr_north

    November 15th, 2012

    Hey, it’s a great idea. Thise government employees need to slim down a bit to dodge the bullets from all the gunfights and robberies that take place each day that apparently Rahm’s not hearing about.

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  8. Noodengr

    November 15th, 2012

    another distraction to draw the attention awya from all the problems that really are facing that corrupt city.
    Menderman you might be on to something with the smaller caskets, but no savings would occur, the funeral home owned by Rahm’s cousin would still charge as much.
    They voted him in, they can now live or die with the results have fun.

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  9. aleon

    November 15th, 2012

    You watch, Next they will be taxing people based on their weight.

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  10. Diann

    November 15th, 2012

    Heaven knows if I’m about to be gunned down by some malcontent on welfare, I would certainly like to be a little less wide around the middle.

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  11. Commissar M

    November 15th, 2012

    Hey, anybody remember the name of that political party that was obsessed with the public’s diet and exercise? They were also big on things like animal rights and population control.

    National… Worker’s Party… something or the other?

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  12. DICK daily

    November 15th, 2012

    City of the big shoulders worries about your waistline dirty, rotten, filthy, rat-bastard, commie, fugkniong, SOB’s will continue to FORCE you to do what they tell you to do… or else

    luv doing that

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  13. Rick

    November 15th, 2012

    Has Rahm cleared this with the unions first?

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