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Living With The Democrat Next Door

Home - by - November 14, 2012 - 17:00 America/New_York - 8 Comments


Democrats Next Door

BIG HAIRY NEWS EXCLUSIVE – The recent election illustrates the fact that the majority of American voters are now comprised of Godless individuals blissfully ignorant of American and world history, current events, and even candidates’ backgrounds and basic ideology. These are today’s Democrats.

As a public service, we offer “Living With The Democrat Next Door*,” 5 tips to assist normal people in coexisting with this new majority:

1. Do not make eye contact with Democrats! This is important, as liberals are known to be substance abusers and/or obviously mentally unstable. Many support themselves by robbing productive members of society (like you!).

2. If your neighbors are Hispanic, befriend them. Though likely in this country illegally so you can pay for the births of their 10 kids, there is an excellent chance within the next four years they will suddenly become voting U.S. citizens, thereby controlling U.S. politics (and your future) literally forever.

3. Take the Jesus fish off your car (especially if you like the car). The majority of voters today will see you (and your car) as an enemy of women and gays if they suspect you worship God. The likelihood of vandalism to your car or personal injury to yourself will be reduced if you don’t profess faith in any power higher than Lady Ga Ga.




  1. Timwi

    November 14th, 2012

    Message to men: Progressives have targeted men by trying to eliminate the status and desire of being the head of the household. They have spread the fallacy of the kids are better off and made divorce the norm. They do this because a woman with kids in a stable marriage has a much better chance of voting republican. A woman on her own with kids is much more likely to vote for the likes of Barry. If conservative men want to take back the country they are going to need to create a reason for women to feel safe enough to vote Republican and that means marrying her and staying with her as you promised before God and family.

    Thumb up +5

  2. old_oaks

    November 14th, 2012

    Oh I’ve been on these tips for some time, kind of a can’t beat ‘em join ‘em type of thing.

    In fact, I think Boehner should open negotiations with Oblamer by asking for more than what Oblamer wants… If Oblamer want’s $1.6 trillion from the rich, Boehner should demand $2.9 trillion!

    Would totally throw Oblamer and the democunts a curve ball!

    Boehner should then insist that if more from the rich is better than more-er from the rich is better-er!

    Thumb up +4

  3. old_oaks

    November 14th, 2012

    Another thing that’s been completely toying with liberals heads. I explain my income as being lower-middle-class and that I CAN AFFORD to pay $3,700 more in taxes!

    It completely befuddles them when I explain that I don’t need an iPhone, fancy car, new clothes, nights out, fancy vacations, etc. and as a result I’m able to save monthly on my low income.

    Thumb up +4

  4. Anonymous

    November 14th, 2012

    If you really want to F with their heads, just mention Sarah Palin in conversation. Stand back and watch the rabid dog response.

    Works everytime.

    Thumb up +8

  5. Death_By_Farts

    November 14th, 2012

    I wish the fucking French would have won the Battle of Puebla, then Mexico never would have happened…It would today be South Canada.
    And I’d be just fine with that.

    Thumb up +4

  6. Death_By_Farts

    November 14th, 2012

    That’s also the reason why when someone tells me Happy Cinco De Mayo (or however the fuck you spell it),
    I tell them to go choke on their own shit.

    Thumb up +3

  7. Kevin R.

    November 14th, 2012

    Cinco De Mayo, that’s the day they celebrate Corona beer isn’t it?

    Thumb up +2

  8. Dan Ryan Galt

    November 14th, 2012

    Shouldn’t that car be up on blocks?

    I now refer to public schools as government schools.

    And if you want to really fry their noodles, tell your Lib friends that NAZI stands for National SOCIALIST German Workers Party.

    Thumb up +2