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Of Course Tom Cruise Won’t Press Charges Against These Sexy Eyes, He’s Not An Animal

Home - by - November 1, 2012 - 23:00 America/New_York - 19 Comments

The Superficial

Jason Sullivan Tom Cruise Intruder Male Model

 

On Sunday night, male model Jason Sullivan (above) got shithammered drunk and attempted to return home to Tom Cruise‘s neighbor house where he’s been staying. And by attempted I mean he accidentally tried to enter the Fortress of Xenu where this pretty much happened: “Seriously, dudes, I totally live here, why are you being dick- eh, fuck it, I’ll just climb the wall – ZZZZAPPPPP!!!” TMZ reports:

Tom’s security told Jason to leave, but instead he tried scaling the privacy wall to get further into Tom’s property. Jason began walking toward Tom’s house and was warned he would be tased if he continued. When Jason kept walking, he was tased twice.
Jason was arrested, cited for misdemeanor trespassing and released.

 

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» 19 Comments

  1. Menderman

    November 1st, 2012

    OK.

    See my comment on the Kelsey Grammer thread.

    Thumb up +1

     
  2. Mr. Happy

    November 1st, 2012

    “shithammered drunk”
    I like the term!

    What am I doing wrong with my life that I have never gotten that screaming drunk?
    Believe me, I have tried!
    I can never get past the puking in the toilet stage, and then going to bed.
    Please help me IOTW commenters.

    Thumb up +5

     
  3. ACME avatar tester

    November 1st, 2012

    Scientology is just islam for queers.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +13

     
  4. Bad Brad

    November 1st, 2012

    So one FAG, tried to break into anther FAGS home, Even though the party of the first part of the first fag didn’t own the FAG parlor he were trying break into.

    I wouldn’t trade a whole heard of these ass bites for the two seals the just got hung out and killed by jug ears. Fuck these pretty boy clowns we shouldn’t be talking about them.

    Thumb up +8

     
  5. Menderman

    November 1st, 2012

    Practice Mr. Happy, practice.

    Thumb up +5

     
  6. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    November 1st, 2012

    They both knew why he was there, they just got caught. lol

    Thumb up +5

     
  7. Mary Jane Anklestraps

    November 1st, 2012

    THIS:

    “he most amazing part? Tom Cruise is surprisingly cool about the whole thing:

    Tom’s lawyer, Bert Fields, tells TMZ, “Tom’s not a vindictive guy,” adding, “The guy was drunk. He didn’t have a malicious intent.”

    “Not a vindictive guy?” Are we talking about the same Tom Cruise? Because the Tom Cruise I know would sue a gnat if it so much as blinked the word “gay” at him. “

    Thumb up +6

     
  8. Anonymous

    November 1st, 2012

    2 words for Mr. Happy: joose bag

    PS Tom know tazing tightens up the sphincter.

    Thumb up +5

     
  9. CrustyB

    November 1st, 2012

    If Tom Cruise doesn’t take it to the hair then I’m Raquel Welch.

    Thumb up +5

     
  10. Nutjob

    November 1st, 2012

    If had just joined scientology and paid his dues, he’d still be in bed with xenu.

    Thumb up +1

     
  11. Bad Brad

    November 2nd, 2012

    Fucking pretty boys. Bring both by work between 10:00 ND 10:15. I’ll destroy both inside 2 minutes. Why 2 minutes. After that my air gone, I’m getting old. Won’t be a problem, FAGS.

    Thumb up +1

     
  12. Tony R

    November 2nd, 2012

    And by FAG, you mean Film Actors Guild?

    Thumb up +2

     
  13. Bad Brad

    November 2nd, 2012

    Tony R. You got it Bro. Please just two at a time or I gotta start doing aerobics again. Done to much of that at an early age. My idea of aerobics these days is driving over 10 miles. It’s tougher than it sounds.

    Thumb up +1

     
  14. old_oaks

    November 2nd, 2012

    Is this the dude that was banging a metal pole on a clothes hanger rack thing?

    Thumb up +1

     
  15. Chalupa

    November 2nd, 2012

    He just wanted to jump on Tom’s couch….again….

    Thumb up +2

     
  16. Bad Brad

    November 2nd, 2012

    Bottom line. They are irrelevant in the grand scheme.

    Thumb up +1

     
  17. Ya sure

    November 2nd, 2012

    As long as all this goes down in Californieheecostan, I’m good.

    Thumb up +1

     
  18. Mz McHorsey

    November 2nd, 2012

    Cruiser was just po’ed because the dude couldnt get it up with a crane….and Cruiser doesn’t like limp up his hoohaah…wont stay, wont go in, wont spit at his manp….y… dont know why he backs Oboobie? like two cats bumping in the night, both NOT TOMS….

    Thumb up 0

     
  19. Mz McHorsey

    November 2nd, 2012

    A dating service should set up Cruiser with Algoquin Gore…..there you have a match made in HELL.

    Thumb up 0