iOwnTheWorld.com

“Gettin’ rid of that damned Constitution was a really big fuckin’ deal!”

+2

Joe judiciously shows up for work on Jan 21st

+4

“Well, of course we used Hitler as our model – stimulus, unionism, sydicalism, lies, racism, redistribution through inflation – give everybody what he wants in order to enslave him!”

+1

Survival head wear for the NYC Subway System, commonly called the Electric Sewer.

+2

A accidental nuclear exchange when Biden was being trained on using the launch code case.

+4

Nov 6th, Joe asks for a replacement ballot cuz he voted the wrong ticket

+8

“Libya? Libya Benghazi? Haw! We allllllll knew Libya back in High School. Hell, she was the first for some of us!”

+8

“What?!? Us LIE?!!? Are you serious?”

+1

Saying Michelle Obama is a huge asset.

+7

Oh! I thought havin’ dead people vote for us WAS the ‘death benefit’”

+3

We will be handing out Osama-phones for every veteran who fought and died in the war in Pocketstan.

+8

“Give a man a coupla fish an’ you probably have his vote forever. Teach him to fish an’ he might get uppity on you!”

+8

He’s coming to my town for McGovern’s funeral.
”Stand up, George!”

+9

Barack promised to show me around his gentlemen’s club back in Chicago after the election. Says it’s called Man Country. I can get up for that.

+5

Upon learning of his and President Obamas loss November 6th, orders the contents of his VP office moved to his old senatorial office.

+3

Sure we got a plan for the next 4 years. I sent my resume to Putin and Barack sent his to that crazy goat herder in Iran. And I think Moose plans to go into pro rasslin’!

+5

Tells Barack what a great guy Frank Marshall Davis was on Father’s Day.

+8

GM is alive, and Osama Bin Laden is dead! And so is Solyndra!

+5

The boss is still clean, but maybe not as articulate anymore.

+8

Does a rendition of Al Jolson’s “Mammy” for Obama’s concession speech.

+7

At a rally in Wisconsin: “I’m proud to be back here in Berserkistan!”

+4

Campaigning in Chicago, he says it’s really great to be here in…and then pronounces the “S” in Illinois.

+6

”In order to get into Man’s Country, you have to have a slight lisp.”

+3

“Being here in LA is great, just great. Warm weather, Hollywood, surfin’, fast cars…but no fags. Leave them in San Fransicko. That’s as close as I want them to me.”

+8

He offers up his school records to Donald Trump in exchange for the $5M offer, but they are written in crayon.

+5

“We think our message still resounds loudly throughout every community; and that will lead to getting out the black vote and the white vote and the asian vote and the Mexican vote!”

+3

“Our economic plan is simple. And Wimpy said it best -

I’ll gladly make your kids pay tomorrow for me to enjoy $16 trillion worth of hamburgers and other $h!t today….”

+1

Joe tries to start the chant of Four More Years during 0bama’s consession speech.

+7

“This Halloween Barack is going as Mondale and I’m going as Ferrero. Halloween is Nov. 6th this year, right?”

+2

Calling the Secret Service to investigate a headless chicken from one of Mama Robinson’s Senteria sessions.

+2

Joe gets arrested by Child Protective Services after saying to a group of First Graders, “When I was your age, we used to all it Halloweenie!”

+2

Sorry! …we used to call it…

Sheesh!

+2

Joe gets an endorsement from NAMBLA after saying to a group of First Graders, “When I was your age, we used to call it Halloweenie!”

+1

“I’ve been to the White House and I see Barack working tirelessly for the middle class. Michelle just sits around the house, and I mean, she literally sits around the house!”

+2

Speaking to a group of student in Oxford, OH:

“I love this campus at the University of Miami here in Florida.” Then he holds his hands up, palms out with thumbs touching and starts a chant of The U!

+1

Jeez! …group of students in…

I want a preview button for my birthday.

+3

Saying he’s only campaigned in 52 states so far – 5 more to go.

+3

“When I look up at that flag and see those stars — those red and white bars — the stars and bars…”

+1

“I spend four to six hours a day with Barack. How else would I know he’s gay?”

+5

“President Obama wasn’t talking about you bitter clingers in Iowa; He was talking about the bitter clingers in that state that has the Liberty Bell and all the Dunkin Donuts with Indians.”

+2

Okay, ya got me. I am a total JACKASS! (… don’t care if I win, just wanted to say that….. Ha ha ha)

+1

I’m reading all of these gaffes-to-be and I’m laughing and saying to myself, “Gawd, Biden’s such a schmoe.” Because I just know that he will eventually do one of these!

+2

Joe and Barack with Leno

Leno: So why didn’t you visit Israel your whole term?

Barack: ah….um….uh…well, ya know Jay…ah….um

Joe: I thought you wanted them wiped off the face of the earth too….that’s what I heard you tell Imadinnerjacket…I mean really? Jooos…who needs em?

+3

“Vote early!! Vote often!!

(I hope it isn’t a repeat…no time to read all the comments yet)

+2

People say I laugh too much. Isn’t it good to laugh? President Obama will tell you I have a great sense of humor. I always laugh at our very funny blackface President.

+1

“….. no, no…. seriously, I am a JACKASS”.
(even more FUN the second time….. Ha ha ha)

+1

“When I first heard that our new campaign slogan was Forward I said to myself, “Wow! It takes some balls to use Hitler’s slogan.” But since Michelle has a big set of brass ones…”

**********

Is it a gaffe if he tells the truth?

+2

I’m glad to be here in one of those smaller Midwestern states today. Even if you’re kind small you’re important to President Obama simply because you’re a swing state. In my younger days I was quite a swinger; I guess that’s why they sent me here.

+3

“We’ve come a long way racially in America, but we have much further to go. When one of Barack’s daughters are elected president maybe we will be there; but no one would have ever voted for his father….”

+2

While riling up a bunch of liberoids at a rally in Kansas, Joe forgets where he is and just stands there with that goofy smile on his face until his dentures fall out and bounce off his Mrs sippy cup.

+1

“People like to make a big deal out of this guy, Big Fur Hat. Well, I got a Big Fur Hat, too, but it covers my other head, and yes it is a big fuckin’ deal.”

+2

“This morning I laid a wreathe at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Could we get his parents to stand up and give ‘em a hand? God bless ‘em…”

+6

if we don’t re-elect obama, it might be awhile before a clean articulate black is on the ticket.

+4

“Of course Obama knows health care inside and out. He personally gives me a weekly 1/2 hour proctology exam…

…for free, too!”

+1

While at a campaign event in Florida: ” Well it feels great to be here in Florida…I’m from Scranton PA….the Sunshine State meets the Moonshine state you might say”

+2

Hey Barack, I saw a great slogan we can use in the campaign…

“Obama Lied, an Ambassador died”

Got a great ring to it, don’t it Big Guy?

+5

What’s the big deal about this Ben Gazi guy that got himself killed?

+5

I can see, dis ain’t gonna be easy,

+4

Let me set this straight once and for all. This administration has always recognized that Palestine is the capitol of Jerusalem.

+4

Waddaya mean no one else saw the humor in the murder of a U.S. Ambassador?

+3

Israel is a great ally of ours. I speak to Bibi Rebozo several times a day, myself.

+5

Some kid tried to scare me on Halloween by yelling “boo.” But I scared the hell out of him when I said “I’m just a heartbeat away from the Presidency.”

+3

Listen, man. No one, and I mean no one, wants this Benghazi business swept under the rug more than the president, got it?

+5

I know you want to talk about the price of gas, but we’re gonna pass gas on the way to bigger issues.

+3

Of course the President thinks I’m still important. Why, he’s sending me to a state funeral, and I’m the guest of honor.

+7

Keystone pipeline? Listen, man, my boss has laid pipe all around the world!

+4

Slow Joe actually steps on his dick in public.

+1

Sambo and me did alright

0

10 years ago Barry would have been fetching me an ice cream cone

+2

Barry is standing at the porch steps holding a lamp.

+2

I am 1/32 black

+1

Mensa said they’d get back to me.

+1

I taught Mensa everything he knows

+4

I miss my Trans-Am

+1

Ted Kennedy talks to me still

+4

” I invented the” gaffe”"

+2

“Man, when I was growing up in Pennsylvania, we’d beat the shit outta them nigg …”

+4

And next we will tell the ME to stop clinging to their guns and religion.

+1

I knew I wanted to be VP when they told me I didn’t have to do anything for 4 to 8 years.

+2

At the Montebello Jewish Center. I want you all to be fired up for Obama. We need you. Yeah, fire up them ovens!

+1

The Bombing Begins in 5 Minutes

+4

Claims the moon landing in 1969 never happened because he watched Capricorn 1 on Netflix over the weekend.

+3

…he wants to be paid for his a-cappella version of “the villages”…
(Hey, if he is gonna charge for the Secret Service to protect him, and he gave a total of 84 dollars to charity in the past 20 years, the tightwad bastard will definitely want a cut of that.)

+5

Announces that Barack Obama gives great head of state.

+3

Biden will claim to be “one of the brothers”, and drop the N word.
(GOD, I HOPE SO!)

+4

“Hell I warned you all he was clean and articulate. That didn’t mean he wasn’t a liar !”

+5

Biden dresses up for halloween as a CHEVY VOLT and electrocutes himself.

+3

Of course we support the black innovators. Hell you built the best underground subway system in America!

+3

Biden dresses up for halloween as a plantation owner and says “I’m gonna put ya’ll niggazz BACK in chains”.

+5

Biden mentions that it’s great to ‘be in Iowa’ when he’s in Ohio.

…oh wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y59DAdjCAKc…yes, he did!

+2

former Louisiana Gov Edwin Edwards (D-convicted) once said, “the only way they’ll ever get me out of office is if they catch me in bed with either a live boy or a dead girl.”

That’s pretty much been the litmus test for Democrat politicians to get drummed out of office via scandal.

But Biden would manage to fuck that up – he’d be caught in a threesome with a live girl and a dead boy.

Genl Ripper

+3

The night before the election, with Obummer’s poll numbers tanking, Biden will give this plea at his last rally:
“C’mon and vote for poor Barack and me. Not only was his father, but also and my first wife and daugher were killed in car accidents…..we need your vote.”

+2

Damn, I didn’t know I gave the Birth Certificate to Fox News, I thought that was Obama’s talking points for Bill O’Reilly!

+2

My backside is still sore from when I was championing for gay rights.

+4

I’ve had breakfast at the White House on many occastions, and I gotta tell ya, Michelle Obama makes pancakes, I tell her she can be my Aunt Jemima any time.

+2

Fu*k like your lady parts depended on it. Ah, yeah, thank you Iowa! (im in Ohio..it’s the joke of the day)

+3

If Romney wins, your kids are going to be obese, and granny is history.

+1

“What’s all this talk about Benghazi?
I sprained my ankle once and rubbed some of that stuff on it…didn’t help one bit.”

+6

Michele Bachman is beautiful, and Sarah Palin is super-hot. Errrr… right?

+2

“Barry is a good looking black man, have you ever seen such a good looking black man? I don’t know how he does it. He doesn’t even bruise when he slams his head against his prayer run time after time. They won’t let me do that because of the steel plate in my head ….. speaking of plate, is it dinner time yet?”

+2

oops, Rug not run

0

“I’m honored and humbled to be speaking here today to you Daughters of the American Revolution. Speaking of daughters…Republicans need to stop their war on women and get the hell out of your vaginas!
I’ve poked, pushed, pulled and chewed on this issue EVERY DAY of my fourty year career here in Washington and…”

+1

So I was reading this list of boneheaded statements made by this idiot when I got to wondering how stupid a dumbass would have to be to make this moron Vice President of this here United States. There is definitely some serious brain damage with these guys- I say get rid of them.

0

To a group of girl scouts at the YMCA:

With only three months before the elections we want to make sure that all of you women soldiers who fought in Iran have all the birth control you deserve so you won’t have to be burdened with a baby. There’s not enough room for a baby stroller in a voting booth ya know.

+2

“The future ain’t what it used to be.”

(yogi berra quote, but appropriate for Biden and today. If I win, I dedicate the hat to cfm990 and we can do another contest!)

0

The election comes down to a tie. The House elects Romeny as president, and the Senate has to select the VP. That is also a tie, so Joe has to break the deadlock. He stands and says, “I cast my vote for Paul Ryan! Wait, I mean Jack Ryan, wait, I mean for me. What the F……”

0

Barack has had some tough times, but he’s hung in there, and when I say hung in there, I mean HUNG, in there!

0

Joe on the possibility of the new President getting rid of Obamacare: ” Now that would be a big f@!king repeal”

0

I vote for:

@Chalupa — and the daughters’ names gaffe.
@Horrorman18 — and the QE3 cruise ship gaffe.
@norman einstein — and his Benghazi/BenGay gaffe.

Wait for it, because Bidet will say one of these within the next two weeks.

+3

Oh! And @Debbie — for the McGovern funeral gaffe.

+1

” I’m the Jo in Joke”

+2

Well, sometimes I just have to tell this story to let folks know what a great First Lady we have. I remember the first time Michelle offered to blow me for twenty bucks out in the parking lot, and I laughed and told her that was a little high for a BJ from a mere Senator’s wife. But she told me I’d be sorry; she said, someday Barry is gonna be the President, and then you’ll have to pay me FIFTY bucks to blow you! And I think that just goes to show what a forward-looking woman she is!

0

“If you enjoy the circus…vote for Barack”

0

“We need your vote because Barack is up 118% in the polls”.

0

@@ TROY -yes, I would pay a dollar to hear the senile bastard say, Yes, Chicago, I’m down with my bruthas, whether you be bitches or hoes, you all fine niggaz to me, yo!

+1

“Because if your dead relatives don’t vote, their vote won’t count”.

0

“We need to make the first lady proud to be an american again”.

0

“The muslims of the world are counting on you”.

0

“Because if you don’t vote for Barack you’ll be putting union donating democrats out of work”.

0