iOwnTheWorld.com

Hey Santa, can I please have new hair for Christmas?

+4

“Last time I got a Big Gulp, I had to take a big piss – now I stick with Limearitas…”

+7

“your comment is awaiting moderation”
WTF?

+4

You fellas eat that stuff that looks like spicy diarrhea… Curry? Is that it? That’s some good shit.

+7

Hey Punjab, who’s watching Annie?

+7

Troy, that happens when 3 comments come in at the same time. Mostly on captions and contests. lol

+3

So I really think if the big bite comes with all the free toppings you want, that I should be able to put chili, cheese, kraut, and gummi bears on it without having to buy the freakin bears.

+3

You’re not the Amazing Kreskin? Are you trying to pull one over on Ol’ Joe?

+6

“It’s nice to meet an honest injun – that Liz Warren…”

+4

That’s like an emergency potty?

+3

give ma some slack until i pass this next election, then I will grant your every wish

+2

You need a bandage to keep the swelling down?

Wow,after my surgery I needed 10psi to keep this empty jug filled out.

+4

“So what do you think of Cleveland this year – they’ve got the pitching…”

+4

You got any funyuns in that thing? I’m on my 12th Cap’n coke and my teeth are chewy.

+4

This is some damned good prune juice.

+4

So how’d you escape that magic lamp and do you still grant wishes?

+7

If you dont leave me alone I’m gonna take these two fingers and…..

+4

Joe is thinking: Has Carmen Miranda always had that beard?

+8

“I didn’t (hic) call no (hic) cab.”

+6

“Move over a little, you’re out of focus”

+5

“Do all you people drive like the assholes on Ice Road Truckers?”

+6

Is that a dude or a woman behind you with the white hat?

+2

Can I bang your wife and you bang my wife under schiera(sp) law? Or is that Eskimo law?

+3

Can I have some coupons for some big gulps?

+3

“I want to come back as a rabbit – just for the bunny sex…”

+2

Indian? Come on, man! That food? Ya kiddin’?

Jill had me on the couch for a week, and I LITERALLY still have ass blisters!

God love ya, Punjab..or whoever, ya know, pray to!

+3

Is that an eraser?

+3

If we touch noses, is that OK?

+2

I bet you can you do a head stand pretty easy with that thing on

+2

“Barry told me it sucks to read from paper. You guys got paper out there?”

+2

If I pull that end, will you spin around like a top?

+5

Cool! My wife has a pink “turbie twist”

+2

Where did you put the donuts?

+1

C’mon just say it once for Ol’ Joe, say ‘Welcome to quikie mart, would you like to buy a squishie’ just like your buddy Apu in the simpsons.

+8

Michelle told me Barack’s one of you people.

+3

“Why the hell are you wearing Michelle’s boob belt on your head?”

+5

Do y’all give discounts on expired stuff at 7-11?

0

“Can I borrow your cowpie for my upcoming debate?”

0

Is your hair still wet?

+4

Yey you gou guys I cunt wait fer nobember 11nth, when slo joe meets fast eddie on the pool tablwe.
i gotta bed now. Night doc, brad, Irish, muddleman, all. bfh, love you all.

+1

Hey how is that seven eleven you didn’t build doing?

+2

Joe: Are you a real Indian like Elizabeth Warren?

+1

You were great on Johnny Carson.

+7

Didn’t I meet you at the Dunkin’ Donuts On Pennsylvania Ave.?

+1

Did you sneak a Big Gulp in for me? That fucking Bloomerg thinks he’s the big fuckin deal.

+3

Biden: “I wish we could resurrect him, but I don’t think the shaved head, loincloth, and spectacles will allure like it did back then.”

+2

Listen to me man! They gonna put those bovines in chains my brotha….or..errr…my buddah…..you what im sayin

+2

Everlasting Plugs? Tell me more Big Red.

+2

sikh and ye shall find an idiot.

+4

were you in slumdog millionaire?

+2

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Rohit and Joe Biden, discussing state business.

Biden says to the Indian, “Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can’t go through. They don’t want to be associated with your country. They tell me it’s filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets.”

“That is not true!” exclaims Rohit, “We are very fastidious…in fact, you’re not one to talk, isn’t that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?” he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk.

Joe Biden is enraged. “Stop the car!” he yells at the driver, Dave. “Dave, go stop that shitting man.” Dave nods at his boss, stops the the car and pulls out a gun.

After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. “Sir, I cannot execute him.”

“Why the hell not?” yells Joe Biden.

“Sir, he’s the Indian Prime Minister.”

+1

thanks for the kama sutra book.

+2

did you know my wife is a doctor?

+2

Head injury? God bless ya. People often ask me if I have ever had a massive one.

+3

You guys are all doctors right….??? Hey, what can you do for these eyelids man….?

+3

Joe Biden speaking with a clean and articulate mainstream Indian American, that’s storybook man.

+3

can you make me disappear on debate nite?

+3

You’re in luck Haji, we’re having steak tonight.

+3

Joe: “Back off Mowgli; I’m pretty sure I have a higher I.Q. than you.”

+2

heeeey, MY red tie and YOUR red .. head.. thingy… it’s like we’re twins!

(hey… you wanna hear something i’m NOT sposed to tell ANYbody?)

+3

Poonjab get Uncle Joe a Big Gulp. God bless ya man!

+3

“Could ya get me one of them flyin carpets”

+1

Your brown nose looks just like mine…

0

HEY !!!
GENIE !!

It took you long enough, I was rubbing that lamp for years when I was a kid

0

“I must be really drunk. I’m seeing a freakin genie”

0

The freaky guy with the glasses and the white diaper on his head looks like he recently suffered a work-related accident at the bomb factory.

0

Biden: How much for an hour with your pretty little crispy faced friend there?

0

Is this a hypnotism trick?

0

Seek? Did ya lose somethin buddy? Have a look under that thing on your head.

+1

Damn! Nice idea! So you had a bad plug job too?

0

When those are unraveled would they be long enough for a guy to, say, hang himself with it after a very embarrassing loss at a, uh, debate or something?

0

“Ah, the Ganges. Me and some buddies climbed that one back in ’73.”

0

Didja get get that nice hunk of cheese I sentcha?

0

“Hell of an Indian summer we’re having, eh chief?” *hick*

+2

Don’t look now Akbar, but I think that fellow is trying to give you a Melvin.

0

“How’s that Dunkin’ Doughnuts gig working out for you?”

0

You make fun of us Indians and Sikhs again Joe and I’ll shove this here hand up your back side and pull your tongue out!

0

Binden replies “That can actually be done? Hey Barry watch what Patel can do to me!”

0

Refills are free, right? I still have my cup from yesterday…

0

Damn! Like running into y’all at 7-11 wasn’t enough!

0

Your diaper matches my tie.

0

God love ya’ – I hope they get that tumor taken care of soon, but “red” doesn’t really HIDE it that well!

0

‘Somehow, I find you particularly attractive.’

0

Joe: “Hey, I bought a slurpee from you yesterday!” mkultra wins!

0

So do you work for Dell Technical Support, or what?

0

“No it’s not a towel, you f%cking moron, it’s a TURBAN!”

0

Hey, my Windows 95 keeps bluescreenin’; maybe you can help me with that?

0

“Can I outsource MY job to you?”

0