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Mayor Bloomberg’s Impassioned Crusade for Mandatory Breastfeeding
Mayor Bloomy [Likes Boobies]
NEW YORK – New York City mayor, Michael Bloomberg, announced today that women who choose to forgo the option of an abortion and give birth will be aggressively persuaded to breastfeed their babies. The mayor has ordered hospitals to put baby formula under lock-down and to only provide it after the mother endures a guilt provoking sermon on the advantages of breast feeding. Stopping short of making breastfeeding a law, Bloomberg said he’ll use persuasive methods for several months before imposing prison sentences for mothers who resist his orders to breastfeed. Mayor Bloomberg appeared on the Maury Povich show where he discussed his breastfeeding crusade:
MAURY POVICH: Mayor Bloomberg, thanks for joining us.
BLOOMBERG: It’s always a pleasure to be in front of television cameras.
MAURY POVICH: Mr. mayor, you’ve been awfully busy making laws restricting the freedoms of your citizens. You’ve forced restaurants and food vendors to stop using trans fat and you’ve banned the sale of large-sized sugar-sweetened beverages. In 2002 you banned smoking in restaurants and bars and last year you extended that ban to include parks and beaches. Then last month you authorized NYPD officers to begin executing anyone smoking cigarettes within city limits.
BLOOMBERG: The health and welfare of my followers, I mean, citizens, is my first priority.
MAURY POVICH: Now you want to force women to breastfeed? What’s that all about?
BLOOMBERG: Surprisingly I’ve been able to restrict lots of personal freedoms without the slightest resistance. So the other day when I was really bored I decided it was a good time to force New York women to breastfeed their babies.
MAURY POVICH: It is surprising that New Yorkers are allowing you to exert so much power over them without protest. One of the attractive things about the city has always been its reputation for not having any rules. It used to be said that anything goes in New York.
BLOOMBERG: That’s before I took power, I mean, office. I’m much more intelligent than my citizens so I’ve implemented rules intended to save them from themselves. By doing what I tell them my people will live longer than if they were left to their own counsel. And isn’t living a long, healthy life what it’s all about?
MAURY POVICH: Many think living free is what it’s all about.
BLOOMBERG: (chuckles) Living free is so yesterday, Maury. Living healthy under strictly enforced guidelines handed down by an authority figure who knows better is what people prefer today.
More hilarity HERE
Unruly Refugee
September 22nd, 2012
LOL!
Bloomburg is a joke.
Unneutral
September 22nd, 2012
That’s a likely scenario of the difference between the words we are told and the thoughts we can safely assume.
marleenna1959
September 22nd, 2012
He wants to personally spot-check for compliance.
Bad Brad
September 22nd, 2012
Sounds to me like he wants someone to suck on his man boobs.
Billll
September 22nd, 2012
Isn’t it illegal to serve children sweetened drinks larger than a size D in New York?
Goldenfoxx
September 22nd, 2012
Look at his eyes, proof that he’s deranged. New Yorkers get who they vote for – a real boob!
Ricky
September 22nd, 2012
Today’s word is “Pedosmile”:
A phenomenon where, when photographed, a pedophile will always have a creepy, lopsided grin which screams “I molest children”. Such pictures are in sharp contrast to those of normal people, who generally have a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression, and conventional felons such as murderers, who always frown. Typical features of a a pedosmile include tight, discolored lips, visible tounge, concealed teeth, a cocked head, twisted facial features, a bald forehead, disheveled hair, and a general aura of faggotry. Used in conjunction with other indicators, the pedosmile is an excellent method of early pedophile identification.
Czar of Defenestration
September 22nd, 2012
Nice tourism gambit!
Now, he’ll give you a choice of enjoying a NYC dinner at Chinatown or Boobsville…is that the idea?
reddecaesari
September 22nd, 2012
bloomberg has decided to include post abortion non moms in the breastfeeding law. due to lack of infant, muslim men are sole option as “latchee”.
just because he can.
Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk
September 22nd, 2012
This surprises me – I had Bloomberg pegged as a prostate exam man.
cfm990
September 22nd, 2012
I do believe our boy has mommy issues.
Doc
September 22nd, 2012
NYC Breast feeding is OK as long as the combined volume of the TITS does not exceed 32oz.
LadyGun12
September 22nd, 2012
Maury: “Mayor Bloomberg, you ARE the father”!
Mary Jane Anklestraps
September 22nd, 2012
LOLOL!
Don’t give special Mike any ideas, please!
Carlos The Jackal
September 22nd, 2012
Just like joe biden, with hair…
MaryfromMarin
September 22nd, 2012
Give that man an Oreo.
mizdoolally
September 22nd, 2012
The man is NUTZ!
chunkdog
September 23rd, 2012
Bloomberg only wants forced breast feeding so he can ogle women’s breasts and claim he’s looking at her baby.
Frosteetoes
September 23rd, 2012
Bloomberg is nucking futz!
Who are these New Yorkers that are supporting this shit?
Lizzy
September 23rd, 2012
I wonder what Bloomberg would say if he saw this story? Would he laugh or have the writer arrested?
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2012
Feedings are NOT to exceed 32 oz.
IMAO » Blog Archive » Link of the Day: Mayor Bloomberg’s Impassioned Crusade for Mandatory Breastfeeding
September 27th, 2012
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