iOwnTheWorld.com

Is my tee time 10:00 or 10:15?

+6

hmmmmmm, who can I hit up for campaign contributions next?

+5

I wonder if it’s too late to send Hillary and Bill to Egypt?

+3

My finger DOES smell like ass…

+6

I can’t remember which lie I told last.

+9

Suddenly, I’m thinking of that footage of Bill Clinton leaving that funeral, yukking it up with some guy until he saw the cameras then he “wipes a tear from his eye.”

Two seconds after this shot, they yelled, “CUT!” and Obama went back to the golf course.

+7

Hahaha, I thought that hole in his head was symbolic!

+8

Do I declare Martial law this week or next week?

I wonder if these embassy problems are going to affect my par-tay supplies? Better get Val to check on the diplomatic pouches.

53 more days of putting up with the Constitution and that damned First Amendment.

+6

HHHMMMMM. Whats my next career gonna be after November? Hmmm. well I am pretty good at fuckin people. and I follow directions and do what Im told by sleazy people Hmmmm. What would mom do? Oh SNAP I got it! PORN!

+7

HHHMMMMM. Whats my next career gonna be after November? Hmmm. well I am pretty good at fuckin people. and I follow directions and do what Im told by sleazy people Hmmmm. What would mom do? Oh SNAP I got it! PORN! Mooch call Reggi!

0

Should I fly Reggie in to do some manscaping for the Letterman gig?

+2

“FORE!!!!”
A hole (In the) ONE..

+1

Lets seee…..what muslim country should I send more aid to for assisting in weakening america?

+2

Lets see, if I work this middle eastern uprising right I should be able to blame Bush or Romney.

+2

I’ll blame these american deaths on republican partisan politics, that should put me at about 106% in the media polls.

+5

I know I’ll just have the secretary of state give a speech that they don’t hate us, they hate the film, that should make my voter base, the polls and the media happy again.

+2

Wonder what they’ll be serving for food at my next campaign stop?

+3

So thats why they kept telling me these briefings I’ve been skipping are so important.

+7

Whats been going on is disturbing, Colonel Sanders had nothing to do with that film.

+4

What to do, what to do? Should we send in the marines or not, I mean what if an american wanted a bucket of Chicken now? Where would he go or what would he do?

+3

Oh Allah…I hope I have pleased you in destroying these United States.

+1

Theres got be something Slick Willie can say to get me out of this one.

+3

Man I hope Goofey Joe Biden says something in the next couple of days to get the pressure off of me.

+6

What would JC do? Jimmy Carter.

+3

Had to be them dam 32 oz cokes and all that sugar thats got them so fired up.

+4

I wonder if Hillary giving a speech to the muzzies in a Burka would help? Seeing her in a Burka wouldn’t hurt.

+6

I can’t believe they torched the embassy, these people didn’t build that!

+3

If I had some muslim sons they’d look just like these vandals.

+6

Dammit… I shoulda gone with an 8-iron and laid off a bit, instead of trying to punch a wedge in there, because I pushed it left of the flag and – HUH? Libya?!?!

Didn’t we give those broads free birth control at the Covention? “Libbers” – “Libya” – they all sound alike…

+4

Hmmmmm…Tahiti or the the Bahamas?

+1

I said it all along, if we didn’t give them solar panels or windmills from the stimulus this was going to happen.

+3

See if the people at the embassies would’ve been friendlier this would’ve never happened.

+2

Maybe Biden was right, people are more content with coloring crayons and coloring books.

+2

“Valerie said to pretend to be deep in thought … I wonder if this pose is capturing that … I’ve never actually had a thought of my own …”

+4

Why is there a condom on my head?

+4

Maybe we should’ve armed all personel at the embassies with nerf guns and spongue darts like Biden wanted.

+2

Hum, how am I going to pull this condom over my head so I will be protected from the evil Republicans?

+2

Man I hope I didn’t forget to set the DVR to record Jersey Shores, that Snooki be looking fine, if I was into women that is.

+4

That fucking Putin, he’s a real jokester, he just tweeted “Hows that arab spring thingey working for ya” best regards Vlad…ROTFLMAO!

+2

Wonder if I should ask the UN to condemn this or not? I mean I don’t want my muslim friends to get offended.

+1

Lets see “If I act disturbed people will think I’m disturbed when I’m not, but if I don’t people will think I’m disturbed”

I should probably request a poll from the media to see what my voters think.

+2

Hmmmmm, lets see, if Mooch is on a diet, then why is her ass so big?

+1

Maybe Netanyahu will unleash a can of whoopass out of fear and take this off of my plate.

I’ll send a message to my friends at the muslim brotherhood to attack Israel, that should give me some breathing room.

+1

I wonder if a 2nd apology would work?

+6

I think the shoe on my left is called the right shoe.

+4

Lets see, before I said the oceans will calm and the tides will recede, wonder if I say “the fires will go out and the people will go home” will help.

+2

What would the prophet Mohammed do?

+4

Wonder if they got the secret intelligence reports I ordered not destroyed before they stormed the embassy?

+4

With all of these burnt cars at the embassies, that means I’ll order they be replaced at our cost, so next quarter GM should show even more sign the economy is improving…..a twofor!

+3

with all of these embassy buildings being destroyed the housing construction market should show a net increase before the election…..I can’t lose.

+2

hell, NObody outside of this administration could even SPELL “demonstrably deliberative”, let alone know WTF it means…dumb bastards will STILL vote for me

+2

howz that stream o’ consciousness working out for ya, Mr. Job?

+1

HHHHMMMM? How does one swim out of a thick pond of chest high bullshit? Cause this is really getting deep quick!!!!

+2

Lets see, if it’s red wine with collies . . . .
then it must be white wine with beagles . . .
Or is it dark beer and hashish?

+2

He’s just thinking about how to improve his golf score.

+1