iOwnTheWorld.com

Yeah really Dave, I got the Hope & Change slogan from a hippie I kicked out of Billy Ayres bathroom when he asked me for some change, and when I told him no, he said he hoped I would share my choom with him. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?

+9

^Ayers

+3

Obama: “Why are you wearing your Green tie of Islam Dhimmitude tonight Dave?”

Dave:”Don’t you remember? Its burn an American Embassy day Barry, don’t tell me you don’t recognize this Muslim holiday?

Obama: “Why wear a tie when you can take measures to let the real thing happen? And to my friends through the Middle East As-Salumu Alaylum and Happy burn an Amereican Embassy day.”

+9

The useful idiots really lap up this phony toothy grin in my scrunched up face.

+9

David:
*siiiiigh* “He’s so nifty!”

+9

“IS michelle actually good in bed?”

+8

“Dave, Dave. You useful idiot. I’m just getting started.”

+8

Yes, I and I alone am responsible for the death of bin Laden- but don’t tell those crazy goat herders that! I don’t want to end up like Ambassador Stevens

+6

Mr. President, did you hear that Monica Lewinsky may be writing a book? In that spirit, I decided not to change the solid green tie I was wearing when we met before the show.

+3

Wait until I do pardons before leaving office and have me back on your show to share the yucks.

+6

Lose?!?! Hell no! We put God back on our side!

+7

Dang!!! Now that’s some good choom Barack!

+4

Hey Dave be serious now, do I look like I give a shit? yuk, yuk, yuk,,/// Scumbags.

+6

And then I said,”C’mon, Beebs, what is ya? Ignant?”

+4

“… and that’s why I hate crickets!”

+2

“Directions:To induce vomiting,stare at this photograph for 5 seconds”.

+7

And then I accidentally blurted out, “Yes, Reggie!”
Michelle kicked my ass all around the bedroom then stormed off to Valerie’s guest room for the night. To ease the pain, I choomed and was glad to have the whole bed to myself. Dave, I slept well that night!

+7

Dave: “So who’s a bigger assh0le, you or me?”
Barry: “Ah hahahaha. Silly question. Me, of course.”

+5

. . . and then I told Netanyahu I couldn’t see him.

+6

Those useful idiots really believe this shit.

+6

Well, Dave, I can be much more flexible after the show. You know how I love you old crackers, the same way I lead: from behind.

+4

And Bibi thought I should meet with him tonight -

+5

“I’m so happy I could just shit!”

+3

“You tickle me so, Dave”

+1

Yes, Dave. I did just fart. Like the smell?”

+4

She was 14?! Dude, that’s so lame. We do them as soon as they hit 10!

+3

One way of looking at this election:

nations are rightwing as they rise, and leftwing as they decline.

+5

“And then they bought this shit: ‘Reveramd Wright? Never heard him. I was absent that day.’”

+2

“And then they bought this shit: ‘Reverand Wright? Never heard him. I was absent that day.’”

+1

And then I promised Bill I would send Hillary someplace really dangerous and give her guards with no bullets if he would say some nice things about me at the convention.

+5

All that stuff in the Middle East is some funny shit ain’t it Barry? HEA HEA HEA!!!!

+4

Who the Hell cares! Letterman is not funny and Barry is a major league joke. This is one of the many reasons that I don’t watch TV any more.

+4

O right after saying, “the American people are soooo stupid they’re going to put me back in there for another 4 years…..

+3

Then I said: “Okay Morsi, but you’ll have to do something on 9/11 to distract my nation and I’ll keep sending lots of money” …

+2

“I told Netanyahu I was busy”

+3

Ambassador got killed? Oh well, my healthcare system will bring him back.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha…..oh, I kill myself.

+3

OOOOOH! That fells like Rahm from the old days………

+2

Yea, yea Dave, Benjamin Nettinyahoo or whatever his nams is. can you believe the nerve! who does he think I am? can you meet with meeeeee? ha ha ha ha!

+3

Letterman: So you said no live ammo?
Barack: Yeah, I laughed my ass off knowing the surprise they’ll get should they need to use their guns.

+2

Dave no, no, no, you know I hate christians, course I’m a muzzie.

+1

I know isn’t that funny, I nearly bankrupt the country in 3 years and then blamed Bush.

+3

I know isn’t thay funny Dave, just wait until they see the mushroom cloud.

+2

I know, and they still vote for me, I can’t stop laughing.

+4

I know, all I have to say is Bain capital or Romneys taxes and these dumshits forget all about something I just did or said.

+3

Barry laughing….of course Holywood will be exempt from the higher taxes.

0

Lettermen, and then when I turned on the lights I realized I was pounding you in the ass in the greenroom instead of my intern.

+1

“Hey Barack. How about I try some of my famous sexual harassment on you.”

+1

Of course I always laugh when I’m high.

+3

I know, we got rid of Kadahfi and Muhbarak for the muslim brotherhood, I can’t fucking stop laughing.

+2

Thats whats so funny Dave, these dumbshits think the healthcare will be free.

+1

Thats whats so funny Dave, she’s on this national healthkick and look at the size of her ass.

+2

Of course If I had a non funny comedian son he’d look just like you Dave.

+3

The only thing white swing voters will get from me if I’m re-elected is a rope, I can’t stop laughing at those dolts Dave.

0

I know and they gave me a Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, how funny is that.

+1

Bro-mance is in the gay-air

0

“awe, that’s it Dave, a little more to the Left”

0

They did WHAT to the guy before they murdered him?

0

The clown act was the funniest when Pelosi, Shultz, Reid, Ayers, Warren, Clinton and Biden came out of the clown car at the DNC I couldn’t stop laughing.

+1

MMMM…squeeze it harder Dave like Uncle Harry (Reid) does it.

0

Monkey see, monkey do…

0

Yea they did Dave. And what I hear is they didn’t even give him a ‘reach around’. Wish I’d been there!

0

“yes dave they actually think im not gay”

0

So Mr. President, what did you think of the attack on our Embassy in Egypt?

+1

I can’t. I am just disgusted and infuriated by the sight of that fucking commie rat bastard koranimal.

Seems some people are finally seeing him for what he is, but damn, this has been a fucked up week.

Thank God for those of you that can still joke and jab. It’s a talent.

0

Aah..it’s good to laugh and joke with my friends. It’s been a rough couple of days. At least Valjay knew not to wake me up when all this happened. Hey…what’s a few American lives in the scheme of things?? No matter how things turn out, I’ll be living large in the WH or Hawaii. Life is good:-). (we shall see you scumbag)

+1

Barack:
When my present gig is over I think there is a good chance I can fill in for Jay

+1

Letterman:

Michelle?

+1

Barack: Pull my finger Dave.

Letterman: Mmmm…beans

+1

“Defend the Constitution? LMAO, funny one Dave!”

+1

” Gee Mr. President…you use your tongue purrtier than a $20 whore”

+1

“Yeah, my wife is old and ugly too, Dave, but she’s great cover for my gay lifestyle, same as yours.”

+1

Of course I’ll suck your dick Dave – I suck Michelle’s all the time!

+2

Dave boy you are so much more fun that meeting with that Jew guy.

+1