Home - by Cardigan - September 13, 2012 - 17:45 America/New_York - 89 Comments
h/t Cracker Annie
Two Legged blue Eyed cracker
September 13th, 2012
Marines without live rounds – ha ha now DATS what I been talkin’ bout Dave.
Dave, oh, that feels good. wiggle it a little faster just like Larry does..
I AM TOSK
I’ve done a few bimbos in my dressing room, perhaps I could interest you in being next.
A man without a care in the world.
“Yes, Dave. I am amazing.”
THE FU GUYS
phoney and unfunny
“Not only am I the most interesting person in the room, Dave, I’m also the funniest. Oh, sometimes I absolutely slay myself!”
Yeah really Dave, I got the Hope & Change slogan from a hippie I kicked out of Billy Ayres bathroom when he asked me for some change, and when I told him no, he said he hoped I would share my choom with him. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
The President of The United States of America, and his most qualified national security adviser.
Dumb and Dumber.
Pretty sure which one I would bitch-slap first, but the other wouldn’t have to wait long…
Dave, I tell ya, I’ve got this country so screwed up and some folks still love me…..
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I’m SO going to Leavenworth, if the truth ever gets out!
Obama: “Why are you wearing your Green tie of Islam Dhimmitude tonight Dave?”
Dave:”Don’t you remember? Its burn an American Embassy day Barry, don’t tell me you don’t recognize this Muslim holiday?
Obama: “Why wear a tie when you can take measures to let the real thing happen? And to my friends through the Middle East As-Salumu Alaylum and Happy burn an Amereican Embassy day.”
Wait ’till I tell these dumbass Americans I’m really a Muslim terrorist mastermind…. BWAHAHA!
I just perpetrated the biggest hoax in history, Dave; I laugh myself to sleep every night.
“Then the idiots wanted me to present a BIRTH CERTIFICATE!”
The useful idiots really lap up this phony toothy grin in my scrunched up face.
Mary Jane Anklestraps
*siiiiigh* “He’s so nifty!”
Abby Normal Dude
…and that’s how I plan to eliminate the middle class by 2013.
“IS michelle actually good in bed?”
99th Squad Leader
“Dave, Dave. You useful idiot. I’m just getting started.”
Then Bibi said something about Iran’s nuclear program, yadda, yadda, yadda…
Yes, I and I alone am responsible for the death of bin Laden- but don’t tell those crazy goat herders that! I don’t want to end up like Ambassador Stevens
Mr. President, did you hear that Monica Lewinsky may be writing a book? In that spirit, I decided not to change the solid green tie I was wearing when we met before the show.
Wait until I do pardons before leaving office and have me back on your show to share the yucks.
Stranded in Sonoma
Lose?!?! Hell no! We put God back on our side!
Dang!!! Now that’s some good choom Barack!
Hey Dave be serious now, do I look like I give a shit? yuk, yuk, yuk,,/// Scumbags.
And then I said,”C’mon, Beebs, what is ya? Ignant?”
“… and that’s why I hate crickets!”
Birdie Num Num
“Directions:To induce vomiting,stare at this photograph for 5 seconds”.
And then I accidentally blurted out, “Yes, Reggie!”
Michelle kicked my ass all around the bedroom then stormed off to Valerie’s guest room for the night. To ease the pain, I choomed and was glad to have the whole bed to myself. Dave, I slept well that night!
Dave: “So who’s a bigger assh0le, you or me?”
Barry: “Ah hahahaha. Silly question. Me, of course.”
. . . and then I told Netanyahu I couldn’t see him.
Those useful idiots really believe this shit.
Well, Dave, I can be much more flexible after the show. You know how I love you old crackers, the same way I lead: from behind.
FreeMan & Sarah on Vacation
And Bibi thought I should meet with him tonight -
“I’m so happy I could just shit!”
“You tickle me so, Dave”
Yes, Dave. I did just fart. Like the smell?”
She was 14?! Dude, that’s so lame. We do them as soon as they hit 10!
One way of looking at this election:
nations are rightwing as they rise, and leftwing as they decline.
“And then they bought this shit: ‘Reveramd Wright? Never heard him. I was absent that day.’”
“And then they bought this shit: ‘Reverand Wright? Never heard him. I was absent that day.’”
Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk
And then I promised Bill I would send Hillary someplace really dangerous and give her guards with no bullets if he would say some nice things about me at the convention.
All that stuff in the Middle East is some funny shit ain’t it Barry? HEA HEA HEA!!!!
Who the Hell cares! Letterman is not funny and Barry is a major league joke. This is one of the many reasons that I don’t watch TV any more.
O right after saying, “the American people are soooo stupid they’re going to put me back in there for another 4 years…..
Then I said: “Okay Morsi, but you’ll have to do something on 9/11 to distract my nation and I’ll keep sending lots of money” …
“I told Netanyahu I was busy”
Chuck U Farley
Ambassador got killed? Oh well, my healthcare system will bring him back.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha…..oh, I kill myself.
OOOOOH! That fells like Rahm from the old days………
Yea, yea Dave, Benjamin Nettinyahoo or whatever his nams is. can you believe the nerve! who does he think I am? can you meet with meeeeee? ha ha ha ha!
Letterman: So you said no live ammo?
Barack: Yeah, I laughed my ass off knowing the surprise they’ll get should they need to use their guns.
Dave no, no, no, you know I hate christians, course I’m a muzzie.
I know isn’t that funny, I nearly bankrupt the country in 3 years and then blamed Bush.
I know isn’t thay funny Dave, just wait until they see the mushroom cloud.
I know, and they still vote for me, I can’t stop laughing.
I know, all I have to say is Bain capital or Romneys taxes and these dumshits forget all about something I just did or said.
Barry laughing….of course Holywood will be exempt from the higher taxes.
Lettermen, and then when I turned on the lights I realized I was pounding you in the ass in the greenroom instead of my intern.
“Hey Barack. How about I try some of my famous sexual harassment on you.”
Of course I always laugh when I’m high.
I know, we got rid of Kadahfi and Muhbarak for the muslim brotherhood, I can’t fucking stop laughing.
Thats whats so funny Dave, these dumbshits think the healthcare will be free.
Thats whats so funny Dave, she’s on this national healthkick and look at the size of her ass.
Of course If I had a non funny comedian son he’d look just like you Dave.
The only thing white swing voters will get from me if I’m re-elected is a rope, I can’t stop laughing at those dolts Dave.
I know and they gave me a Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, how funny is that.
Lance o Lot
Bro-mance is in the gay-air
“awe, that’s it Dave, a little more to the Left”
They did WHAT to the guy before they murdered him?
The clown act was the funniest when Pelosi, Shultz, Reid, Ayers, Warren, Clinton and Biden came out of the clown car at the DNC I couldn’t stop laughing.
MMMM…squeeze it harder Dave like Uncle Harry (Reid) does it.
Monkey see, monkey do…
Yea they did Dave. And what I hear is they didn’t even give him a ‘reach around’. Wish I’d been there!
“yes dave they actually think im not gay”
September 14th, 2012
So Mr. President, what did you think of the attack on our Embassy in Egypt?
I can’t. I am just disgusted and infuriated by the sight of that fucking commie rat bastard koranimal.
Seems some people are finally seeing him for what he is, but damn, this has been a fucked up week.
Thank God for those of you that can still joke and jab. It’s a talent.
Aah..it’s good to laugh and joke with my friends. It’s been a rough couple of days. At least Valjay knew not to wake me up when all this happened. Hey…what’s a few American lives in the scheme of things?? No matter how things turn out, I’ll be living large in the WH or Hawaii. Life is good:-). (we shall see you scumbag)
When my present gig is over I think there is a good chance I can fill in for Jay
Barack: Pull my finger Dave.
“Defend the Constitution? LMAO, funny one Dave!”
” Gee Mr. President…you use your tongue purrtier than a $20 whore”
“Yeah, my wife is old and ugly too, Dave, but she’s great cover for my gay lifestyle, same as yours.”
Ho Lee Chit
Of course I’ll suck your dick Dave – I suck Michelle’s all the time!
Dave boy you are so much more fun that meeting with that Jew guy.
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