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Roger Ebert Memoir To Become Documentary From Martin Scorsese

Home - by - September 8, 2012 - 17:00 America/New_York - 61 Comments

How the hell do you fill an entire movie with this arc -

Fat loser sits in theater all day, every day, turning into a veal, penning his opinion on somebody else’s work,  then loses his jaw.

The End

This movie needs some title suggestions.

How about -

Can Someone Please Prechew My Twizzlers?

My Cancer Saved Me From Exploding

The Man Who Sat 20 Lifetimes, For Frivolous Reasons, in an Air Conditioned Environment, Lectures About Global Warming

Save Me the Aisle Seat, We Can Make a Jaw Out of It.

» 61 Comments

  1. Corky

    September 8th, 2012

    “JAWS–He doesn’t have one”

    Thumb up +5

     

  2. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    Turns out Siskel actually won.

    Thumb up +7

     

  3. Apple pie

    September 8th, 2012

    Repulsive.

    Thumb up +2

     

  4. Zonga

    September 8th, 2012

    Dinner Conversation With Roger

    Thumb up +2

     

  5. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    Probably a good idea to keep the petroleum “butter” product from the local Cinema 16 away from your salivary glands, kids, or ya might grow up to have a creepy flapping vajayjay under your nose.

    Thumb up +3

     

  6. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    Valley of the Drools

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     

  7. Ronterf

    September 8th, 2012

    I remember when he said the movie E.T. was not very good. my kids and I loved it! and I think a lot of other people did too!
    Maybe his movie could be called R.B. the uninteresting terristial!

    Thumb up +3

     

  8. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    Beyond the Valley Where He Drools

    Thumb up +7

     

  9. Ronterf

    September 8th, 2012

    Oop’s make that R.E. the uninteresting terristial!

    Thumb up +1

     

  10. woody

    September 8th, 2012

    Democrat Mouthpiece

    Thumb up +7

     

  11. Col. Angus

    September 8th, 2012

    Failure to Crunch

    lots of jaw dropping action

    Thumb up +4

     

  12. Tim

    September 8th, 2012

    “But I didn’t see …
    the joke was on me.”

    Thumb up +2

     

  13. John F.

    September 8th, 2012

    Slackjawed: A Profile in Leftism and the Post-Modern Film Critic

    Thumb up +7

     

  14. Tim

    September 8th, 2012

    “The Dangers of Mouthing Socialist Shit”

    Thumb up +8

     

  15. hanoverfist

    September 8th, 2012

    Mushroom Man
    In the dark with a bunch of shit

    Thumb up +3

     

  16. CrustyB

    September 8th, 2012

    Is DiCaprio playing Ebert? Or are 3 or 4 DiCaprios playing him?

    Thumb up +1

     

  17. Holder2013

    September 8th, 2012

    You gotta be shittin me. I have a two-CD set of Stevie Ray Vaughan music that Martin Scorsese produced. After I rip all the music I will burn the CDs.

    Thumb up 0

     

  18. Anonymous

    September 8th, 2012

    Dude, Where’s My Chin?

    Thumb up +7

     

  19. the aardvark

    September 8th, 2012

    Valley Of The Morally and Ethically Retarded Movie Critics. Siskel was the smart one, Ebert not so much.

    Thumb up +3

     

  20. Jerry Manderin

    September 8th, 2012

    “Juicing Raisinettes: The Roger Ebert Story.

    Thumb up +3

     

  21. Jerry Manderin

    September 8th, 2012

    “Kingdom Of The Slackjaws.”

    Thumb up +3

     

  22. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    The Jawshank Redemption or The Jawyank Prevention or The Jawskank Convention

    Thumb up +5

     

  23. norman einstein

    September 8th, 2012

    “Fear and Loathing in the Back Row”

    Thumb up +7

     

  24. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    Pulp Affliction

    Thumb up +4

     

  25. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    The Green Bile

    Thumb up +7

     

  26. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    Full Metal Jaw Bracket

    Thumb up +3

     

  27. Debbie

    September 8th, 2012

    Jawrassic Prick

    Thumb up +8

     

  28. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    Raging Bull____

    Thumb up +3

     

  29. conservative cowgirl

    September 8th, 2012

    Some Like Porridge Hot

    Thumb up +4

     

  30. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    Speaking of movies, now he looks like Anthony Hopkins’ puppet from “Magic”.

    He just needs a hand up his ass to make it complete.

    Thumb up +6

     

  31. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    I’m pretty sure Ann-Margret dropped trou in Magic.

    Funny what ya remember 30+ years later.

    Thumb up +1

     

  32. chiefillinicake

    September 8th, 2012

    How the hell do you fill an entire movie with this arc? -

    I’m pretty sure the first half revolves around the pudgy fat kid getting toilet “swirlies” from local Champaign teenaged hooligans.

    Thumb up +4

     

  33. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    September 8th, 2012

    My Liquid Dinner With Andre

    Thumb up +8

     

  34. Wyatt, Insensitive Progressive Jerk

    September 8th, 2012

    Fried Green Tomato Puree’

    Thumb up +9

     

  35. cfm990

    September 8th, 2012

    Gum under the seats. Gums with no seat.
    A liberal perspective.

    Thumb up +2

     

  36. the aardvark

    September 8th, 2012

    Valley Of The Trolls. The Meaninglessness Of Life. Don’t Stand By Me.

    Thumb up +4

     

  37. Cynic

    September 8th, 2012

    Gone with the chin

    Thumb up +9

     

  38. Cynic

    September 8th, 2012

    The wizard of odd

    Thumb up +4

     

  39. Cynic

    September 8th, 2012

    Moby Dickhead

    Thumb up +4

     

  40. Cynic

    September 8th, 2012

    A fistful of popcorn

    Thumb up +5

     

  41. Cynic

    September 8th, 2012

    True Twit

    Thumb up +7

     

  42. Hawaiian

    September 8th, 2012

    I Fought The Jaw And The Jaw Won

    Thumb up +8

     

  43. Hybrid Lemon

    September 8th, 2012

    “Mad Maxilla”

    “Invasion of the Mandible Snatchers”

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     

  44. Hybrid Lemon

    September 8th, 2012

    http://blogs.fm100memphis.com/files/2011/05/madame-228×300.jpg

    Thumb up +4

     

  45. Jerry Manderin

    September 8th, 2012

    Jaw Wars.

    Thumb up +5

     

  46. Holder2013

    September 8th, 2012

    Kicked in the Head (1997)

    Thumb up +1

     

  47. cakes

    September 8th, 2012

    @hybrid lemon
    Mad maxilla made me spew coke zero out of my nose! Thanks a lot!

    Thumb up +4

     

  48. mkultra

    September 8th, 2012

    There Will Be Blub

    Thumb up +2

     

  49. Navy Squid

    September 8th, 2012

    Drooling Banjos

    Thumb up +8

     

  50. Stranded in Sonoma

    September 8th, 2012

    Dial M for Moron
    2001: A Spaz Idiocy
    The Day the Jaw Stood Still
    The Stupid, The Liberal, and the Ugly
    The not-so Thin Man

    …and of course…

    Jaws!

    Thumb up +5

     

  51. fina

    September 8th, 2012

    This is the remarkable real life JibJab man.

    Thumb up +1

     

  52. mkultra

    September 8th, 2012

    From Here to Incontinence

    Thumb up +6

     

  53. Corona

    September 8th, 2012

    Oh just fucking melt like Indiana Jones already. Timelapsed on YouTube please. Even a pitbull couldn’t skull-fuck you. There’d be no resistance.

    Thumb up +4

     

  54. even steven

    September 8th, 2012

    Gone With the Wisdom Teeth

    Thumb up +5

     

  55. elliot mess

    September 8th, 2012

    oh, for the love of chicago: the unwatchables

    Thumb up +5

     

  56. Roscoe P. Soultrane

    September 9th, 2012

    GAKPHGHS: The Roger Ebert Story

    Thumb up 0

     

  57. Carlos The Jackal

    September 9th, 2012

    The Omega Man-dible

    Thumb up +3

     

  58. HippieCritic

    September 9th, 2012

    A Seat Full of Popcorn Farts

    Thumb up 0

     

  59. HippieCritic

    September 9th, 2012

    Mushroom Man: My Life In The Dark

    Thumb up 0

     

  60. HippieCritic

    September 9th, 2012

    Oops! Hanover beat me to it (Mushroom Man).

    Thumb up 0

     

  61. OP POP

    September 16th, 2012

    —First off, Ebert, as a professional,
    should NOT be hanging around with his subject.

    Second, Scorsese should NOT be sending
    valentines to his critics –cinematic or otherwise.

    Franchise slum Hollywood’s cultural incest issue
    REALLY has become serious.

    REALLY

    Thumb up 0