iOwnTheWorld.com

So when you start your moment of silence, you need to hold your hands out like this like the muslims do.

+5

Wheres the crescent moon symbol?

+6

So does this dress make my big ass look big or not?

+7

Where are my french fries?

+6

I specifically said Argula and Lobster, what the hell didn’t you understand peasant?

+3

Waddya mean what? The party try that was right here in my hands!

+3

I could eat a stick of butter this big!

+6

I said Supersize the order, are you an idiot or just a democratic voter?

+3

What the fuck do you mean “No ID no Entry”?

+8

I said concrete stairs, you know the wooden ones won’t hold me.

+5

and if Bill gets off of the topic of Barack and says anything about Hillary, you Karate chop him from behind like this.

+3

What do you mean, you left the podium at the other venue?

+7

Look this is critical, if he doesn’t get re-elected, what am I supposed to do, make a living with these?

+9

you come any closer I’ll shoot you with this blue plastic dildo.

+2

There better be Fu**ing tamales in both of these hands before I finish counting to TEN. One, Two oh hell TEN!

+8

Do I look like your bitch Kumar? These hands have killed people back in the ghetto.

+4

Where the HELL is My microphone!

+2

What do you mean we have no empty chair for the empty chair skit.

+9

If my ass wasn’t this big, I’d fall on my face.

+4

Where the hell is everybody?

+9

You better tell them occupoopers to bring that stolen food back before I smack you in both ears.

+2

So long as I can spread my hands like this, Joe’s reference to putting us all back in chains wasn’t racist.

+2

The unions want how much more to fill the seats or their going on strike?

+4

Give us more, or just give us $3.

+2

ok so which one is my left one?

+5

“No, seriously, Kal, I’m not letting it go. Why the fuck would I wear sleeves before the equinox??? And let me clue you in with four words a stoner like you will understand: GRAVY ON THE CUFFS. Now you run on back and tell your sweet Barry that you failed. This is MY TIME.”

+4

I did not know they had an “Ugly-ass Dress” Contest on the DNC schedule.

+5

What’s with the arms?
Why does she think that exposing those pork shoulders is fashionable?

+8

What do you mean you just found he’s gay, ya dumb bastard everybody knows it?

+2

I want my “Sluts Vote” button and I want it now!

+8

Is it me or has Kal Penn gained a lot of weight or in a suit that is WAY TOO LARGE for him?
He looks larger than First Fat Cow.

+2

That woman’s dress has McDonald’s arches on it for Allah’s sake.

+5

WTF…we said NO american flags.

+8

“Who chose this dress? Damn, even *I* think it’s ugly!”

+2

I told you I hate america, give me a union symbol or planned parenthood background, anything but that flag.

+6

Let me explain it again Kal, my ass is this wide therefore the chair needs to be this wide.

+6

Are you a complete idiot? I told you NOT to use this DISGUSTING background.

+3

What do you mean diet salami and fruit juice? Thats ghetto for hotdogs and koolaid.

+3

WTF do you mean they are out of bbq babyback ribs, this is North Caroline for gawd sakes!

+3

Penn to Moochie: where’s the president?

Moochie: don’t look at me fruitcake. You had him last.

+3

Did you hear me say 2-piece, did anyone hear may say 2-piece? No thats right because I said I wanted the family size bucket of chicken you douchebag.

+4

What? I can crap in one hand and do what with the other ….bitch?

+3

I don’t care what Biden says, tell him put the silly string and coloring books away he’s on in ten.

+3

What do you mean they can’t find an moccasin dress for Warren?

+4

Look, just tell Fluke she can fuck the entire crowd later, we have a convention to get underway.

+3

What do you mean Baracks got a white stain on his blue dress?

+2

I said the sphynx, mount rushmore, the taj mahal, pyramids, a picture of MLK, and a nobel peace prize symbol, what the fuck is this flag doing as backdrop?

+2

Look, just get a spade shovel, some plaster and krylon paint from the occupyers, nancy’s going on stage with or without her 10 team makeup botox artists.

+2

Look, just tell the secret service to pay fluke and this whole situation goes away.

+4

What do you mean we have no chains for the slavery prop?

+3

Kim Jong Eun has nothing on me. This is how Field Guidance is accomplished.

+2

Look tell the teleprompter guy no numbers, you know we can’t add and numbers are foreign to us.

+2

The man in the middle up top:

“You’re right guys. Her tits are do look like chocolate tacks.”

+2

When I told you I wanted a symbol of america I meant Barack not the dam flag.

+3

White Castles? Are you serious Kumar?

+2

Why is her left hand black and her right hand white?
And don’t tell me shadows. Look at everyone else. Her hand is black on the under side.

+2

I forget. I want Romney’s head on a plate, Now.

+2

I did not steal your curtains.

+2

@Geoff C.

“Why is her left hand black and her right hand white?”

She uses the right hand to apply the anal bleach.

+2

Has anyone seen Biden?
tell you what, just leave an extra empty chair on stage in case he shows up..I doubt anyone will notice he’s missing.

+3

Watchoo mean, ‘impact’ ain’t no verb. Wass dis verb shit anyway?

JWM

+1

“Who the fuck are you, and where the fuck are my donuts?”

+2

Waddya mean, I can’t have a McDonald’s skirt, too? I want a damn McDonald’s skirt. Right.Fookin’.NOW!

+1

A Prayer for a President: Psalms 109:8

You got a problem with praying?

If so, that’s fine in the United States of America where your freedom to pray or not pray, to practice or not practice a religion, is enshrined in our Constitution’s Bill of Rights although that enshrinement has taken some body blows from the Obama administration.

Still, despite Obama’s assaults on the Constitution, few Americans would take offense over a prayer–aside from atheists and Obama’s Secret Service.

Longtime Texas resident Milton Nietsch was inspired to offer a simple prayer for America’s beleagured president on his Victoria, Texas billboard. It read, ”Pray For Obama,” an invocation flanked by a drawing of hands clasped in prayer and another of the president in profile.

It wasn’t so much those parts of Nietsch’s billboard that attracted the attention of the Secret Service as it was the references beneath them. And, it wasn’t so much the mention of Psalm 109:8 that bothered the people charged with protecting the life and limb of the president as much as it was the verses that follow 109:8 in the Old Testament but didn’t even appear on the billboard.

Most normal Americans would react, well, normally, to Nietsch’s innocuous, prayerful wish but, then again, life in ObamaWorld is no longer exactly normal by most traditional standards where religion and Christianity in America are under ceaseless attack.

In ObamaWorld, government is now authorized to suspend and/or revoke our freedom to practice our religion as we see fit, religiosity is regarded by many in power as a sociological aberration, and Mitt Romney’s Mormon religion is being used in an attempt to destroy his bid for the presidency.

Compounding America’s religious confusions, millions of Americans still believe Obama is a liar when he says he is a Christian who mainly takes his family to church during an election year.

Obama’s Secret Service apparently has little to occupy its time so, in lieu of protecting the president from bodily harm and tracking down real dangers, became all exercised over Psalm 109:8 which reads, “Let his days be few, and let another take his office”, because of the biblical sentiments that follow that verse. . .

(Read more at http://www.genelalor.com/blog1/?p=27824.)

+1

What do you mean the pizza and chili dogs were in the U-haul truck? … You betta get sombody ta find um fo I cut yo ass!

+1

Why do I need ID !!!!

+1

Hurry up and be HEEEaled. There are others waiting.

+1

“K’plah!”

+1

” I ate all the food on the table so why can’t I wear the table cloth?”

0

“Look, I just came from a $5,000 hair stylist appointment. What do you mean you can’t see a difference?”

http://stylewithanna.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/laser-hair-removal.jpg

0