iOwnTheWorld.com

I just don’t think the words will come.

+2

May Day, May Day, We’re sinking, we are sinking!

German CoastGuard. What are you thinking?

+2

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

+3

I know I’m here but I don’t know were here is.

+6

Is it still attached?

+4

Who?

BigFurHat who?

Who is that, stop being a smart ass!

+2

Did I forget to wipe?

+8

Is my neck left-hand threads or right-hand threads?

+2

Seriously??? My brains are up here and not in my ass?

+6

Mushy, like an over ripe negro melon that’s chained up.

+4

This is a big f-ing deal, wasn’t it?

+1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrCPIrs90eg

My brain hurts!

+6

“Stupid lousy brain… Bacon….mmmmmmm….”

+2

…and then they put the plugs in, and hey, I got hair!

+2

They said it was a lobotomy I needed, then I told Hillary to go make me a sangwich.

+2

Biden: See I can touch my head and rub my belly
Obama: That is not your belly

+2

And then there were chains, suddenly someone said the word “Chicago” and I thought I was gonna get whipped!

+3

Wait, where the hell is my brain??

+1

Then I thought… Fcuk! You parked the U-haul in Detroit?

+6

Was that a Grizzly or a Republican?

–

Did I just get smacked by Bad Brad?

+2

What do you mean it’s all my fault for leaving the keys in the U-Haul?!?!

+3

I left a pack of Kools on Moochies night stand?

+3

Oaks is on a roll…

+4

“When was the last time you saw a clean articulate nigger-Irishman with no dialect? Ah shit….”

+6

“Then I thought… Fcuk! You parked the U-haul in Detroit?”

old oaks, that is fukin funny!

+7

NO! If I move my finger, my brains will fall out!

+3

Somebody must have used the microwave…I just pissed my pants.

+9

But …. I was just playing dicktektive and trying to see if superglue really could reveal fingerprints. Now, what the fuk?

+2

He had a big fcukin’ dot on his head, he wasn’t even Cuban.

+2

uh oh, I think the plate is shifting.

+4

Slack-Jawed Imbecile

+1

Did Michelle just raped me?

+1

Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?

+3

OMG! He really is downsizing America!!

+3

Was that Bill Ayers on the phone?

0

“This Vulcan mind meld stuff is bullsh!t – I’m not getting a thing…”

+5

What? Leo Gerard is sleeping at Obama’s now?

0

OMG! Whose hand is reaching for my brain? Is it my own? It is? Phew!

+2

Did Valerie Jarrett just threatened me?

+1

I’m watching you, Focker!

0

What was his internet number again?

+1

OH NOES… running low on STOOPID… where’s that damn U-Haul…

+1

Huh…new zit?

No you dumb shit. I’m your parasitic twin.

+1

“Damn! This big f’in senility shit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!”

0

I’m so out of a job! This is not the big fucking deal I was hoping for.

0

“The question is hermetically sealed right here in the mayonnaise jar.

What was that answer again?”

0

Is… is this where the food goes?

+1

Who’s hand is this?

0

I thought I had a thought.

+2

What’s my name again?

+1

I can’t wait for the final seizure. It all to be a big fucking deal?!@

0

No wait, I know this, the President of the United States is….. crap

+5

They want me to take one for the team? Right here? Where do I sign. God I love this job.

+2

That was an awful thing for you to say to me Barry. I don’t need two hands to find it, I can find my ass with either hand, in the dark even.

+2

Big fucking meal … No, that’s not it … big fucking seal … nope … fuck, three words – too many to remember … why do they think this is such a big fucking deal?

+1

“Now, no need to be a-fightin’ up there, lil’ guys! I’ll get you some squirrel food ASAP!!”

+2

Boy I wish Valerie would stop changing my word associations every day I test with her. Now was it Change equals Slave, oooh no, Chains equals Slave. Next was Barack’s Record equals Hot Topic, errr, oh yeah, I’d like to discuss all of Barack’s achievements but it’s too hot out here…

0

..the villages are the friendliest hometown…

Cripes I’m so hungover.

+2

and I thought it was the ice cream causing my brain freezes.

+4

and so i touched my forehead and said “get behind me satan”.

+1

oh shit, now what state am I in?

+1

They say that when you thump it and it makes a hollow sound… that means it’s ripe.

+2

and then I thought well hell, I’m a democrat I’m allowed to say or do dumb things!

+2

Hold on, now give me a minute, 2+2 is, wait no hints, seriously I know this one.

+1

The US capital is…..hold on. give me a minute.

+2

I think he was born in Kenya.

+1

Sometimes if I’m all worked up, I find that rubbing my fingers through my plugs makes me piss my pants.

+1

Sometimes when I rub my head, I can’t feel my brain.

+1

All healthcare should be free or did I mean free the slaves?

+1

What day of the week is it? Give me a second, hold on …its december!

+2

I think its I before E except after Pee, oh my god, that feels so good.

+1

Hold on, I know this one, VP is spelled…..

+3

US of america stands for?…..United Socialists….right?

+2

Let me see, if my right hand is on my right side that would mean my left hand is for jacking off right?

+1

If I wear my undershorts 5 days in a row that would make them……….a bakers dozen?

+1

My ass burns, my ass burns ……. aspirin, my ass burns …, my aspirin …

+1

Biden…Biden…Who the fuck is Joe Biden?!

+1

I’m sorry – *WHO* did you say was VP of the United States?!?!

+1

ooh…ooh…wet fart!

0

“…and once they realized I was born without a brain, the doctors decided to just fill the empty space with Mac & Cheese…”

0

Crap… did I remember to clean the stain off my blue jacket?

+1

I’m projecting my thoughts directly to your brain …did you get it?

0

will there be an empty head day?

-

i’m all LUBED up ohohooooo ooooooOOOOOOoo
yeahhhehhh i’m ALL lubed up

0

my dunce cap makes my forehead so itchy!

0

I think they may have missed a spot when they laid the sod.

+2

Delaware is a small state..no one actually lives there…..they’ll never catch on.

0

I’ve got so much brain power that even Clint called me the intellect of the Democratic Party.

+1

“What was I thinking?”

+3

Good God! Just watched a Dirty Harry movie and I can’t get that picture of an empty chair out of my head.

0

…I…I, um…some-edm-buck, I just sheet my fardgging pants!

0

I had a thought…..and it hurt!

+1

Thank God I don’t have to be here another 4 years with Odouche & his Ocow !!!!

0

Hope & Change !!! I sure Hope he Changes his mind
& goes back to delivering pizza…

0

“Right about here is where my brain should be”

0

It dosen’t feeeeeel empty…..

+1

Please God, MAKE MY DAY in November. Thanks Clint for the idea.

+1

Good God! Just watched a Dirty Harry movie and I can’t get that picture of an empty chair out of my head.

0

Wait. Am I better off….is this a trick question?

0

I think I just sprained my synapse…

+1

Wait, I know this…..Joe

+1

where’s my ice cream

0