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What the Hell is With the Tooters?
I know I’m running the risk of alienating people with this rant, because I have a feeling we have tooters in the midst, but this needs to be said.
What the fug is with you people who need to toot the horn at 2 in the morning as you’re pulling away from the house you were just visiting?
Do you realize how stupid and obnoxious this is? What is the point? Did you not say goodbye less than 20 seconds ago? This has to be the single most idiotic thing a person can do.
What is this, a signal to everyone that you’ve safely navigated 11 feet away from the driveway with no incidents? “Look at me! The car is rolling and I haven’t plowed over your mailbox. TOOT!”
Do you fear that the hosts are going to say, “you know, he didn’t toot. There is something severely wrong here. We should call 911. There must be a crazy person with an ax in the back seat. Hello, 911? A friend just left the house and he didn’t toot. Usually he toots twice. Sometimes once. This time, nothing. Do you have a squad car in the area?”
Here’s an idea. Why don’t you lean on the horn until you’re out of earshot? That would really make a statement.
I’m done.
AvgDude
September 2nd, 2012
“Tooters” are in the same class of fools as engine revers and “woo-hoo!-ers” (people who feel compelled to scream “Woo-hoo!!!” in totally inappropriate locales). They are not quite as bad as tweakers and crackheads who roam the streets at night demanding to give or get sexual favors. But they usually aren’t found in the suburbs… much.
Blessed quiet is demanded.
Nutjob
September 2nd, 2012
I consider it courtesy to Toot when pulling a lawn job with my 4 wheeler at 2am on the local democrats yard who has every imaginable democrat sign in the county posted.
Rightwingfeather
September 2nd, 2012
But we know you never sleep, Hat. So why does this bother you?
Yeah, folks do the same thing around here. Honk at the night watchman as they leave the complex. A simple wave won’t do. It always pisses me off.
Gotta move far and away not to come in contact with idiots these days….
super toe
September 2nd, 2012
I admit I am a tooter but only after leaving my sister’s house after she had a party and made her famous bean dip. It’s a loud toot but I don’t think it wakes anyone up.
Lowell
September 2nd, 2012
You live in a strange neighborhood, Fur. Those toots around here would get you a bullet hole in the trunk the second time.
We “toot” back. Heh.
I Luv Bacon
September 2nd, 2012
Worse are the countless dumbasses who have the cars toot at them when they activate the alarm.
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
3/4 of the traffic that passes here toots at the white trash redneck family who live in a trailer across the road from me. Freakin’ horns blowing night and day, seriously at 3 and 4 AM they just have to say “Hi!” and wake everybody up. Additionally their teenage kids have 4 wheelers, motorcycles, and old pickup trucks that race in the front yard until the wee hours. We’ve had words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX0F1fGEfKA
This is life in the hills of West By God Virginia.
Mr.Pinko
September 2nd, 2012
I use an airhorn when saying goodbye at 3:00a.m.
Luke the Drifter
September 2nd, 2012
I live out in the country and highly recommend it. But when you hear a noise at night out here you better take the shotgun with you and have a look.
Timwi
September 2nd, 2012
Behind our house is a house of teenage sons, whose friends, for whatever reason, feel compelled to sound their car horns continuously until whatever teenage son they are waiting for emerges from the house. This could be mid-day or midnight. Fortunately, they are the only tooters in the neighborhood.
Billy Fuster
September 2nd, 2012
Hmm…gives me an idea for a new restaurant.
Zonga
September 2nd, 2012
My pet peeve – remote door locks that toot the horn. Stupid. Is it too much effort to manually push down the central lock button?
If you toot every time you lock the car I hate you.
AbigailAdams
September 2nd, 2012
We had a cop who was either “patrolling” his adulteress affair’s house or saying “good morning” to his family every single morning at 5:30 a. with a 5-second blast on his siren. He either had his beat changed or others were just as irritated as the we were because it stopped eventually. We now have someone who blasts down/up a nearby hill on his Kawasaki 50cc with no exhaust at 1 a.m.
Speaking earlier of things that are reminiscent of the era of black and white tv are the social niceties like being considerate. People who wake up entire neighborhoods in the early hours are just plain selfish.
Marmo
September 2nd, 2012
Zonga, same here! Especially in enclosed parking garages. If I’m getting out of my car and I hear someone tooting with their remote lock, I get back in my car and lay on the horn for a few seconds.
Why can’t people lock their doors by pushing the door lock button in the car before closing the door?
FreeMan - Sarah Dissed Again
September 2nd, 2012
In my town we call that the puerto rican door bell and it is at all hours of the day or night.
The reason was told to me by one of my many Latino neighbors that done of them answer the door bell because it could either be the landlord, welfare interviewer, a Sheriff or a process server.
sleeping giant
September 2nd, 2012
Wow! Somebody touched a nerve…or two.
No toots where I live.
FreeMan - Sarah Dissed Again
September 2nd, 2012
Give a toot, before you shoot!
Helene
September 2nd, 2012
Don’t be a tooted hater!
Dumbplumber
September 2nd, 2012
The “Tooters” are almost as irritating as the alarm tweeters, here in rural No. California. One road in, one road out, but every city dwelling, asphalt loving douchebag has to lock his car, like anybody wants, or needs, whatever he is trying to protect anyway.
Believe me, nobody is going to touch a guy’s car that has an Obama sticker on it, around here. Fear of cooties is just too great.
We have one guy, who comes up here in a ’79 Ford Fiesta, filled with about everything he owns, filthy as can be (him and the car)and not only does he lock it, when he goes in the local Post Office, he also puts a ‘Club’ on the steering wheel. This car is a petri dish on wheels. The Club is just overkill.
FreeMan - Sarah Dissed Again
September 2nd, 2012
someone’s pushing Zonga’s buttons
Elwin Ransom
September 2nd, 2012
Wow. Sounds like somebody needs to readjust the meds. And keep the trigger lock on – just in case…
AbigailAdams
September 2nd, 2012
One of our neighbors, years ago, would toot his horn every evening as he pulled into the garage to let his wife know he was home from work. You could set your clocks by him. I miss Stan and Dorothy. My favorite memory of her is she would always pull to the curb in her enormous Oldsmobile if we were out front working on the yard and tell us what a “wonderful job you kiddos are doing!” As we chatted away through her open car window every once in a while her arm would press down on the horn startling her. She’d take a look in the rearview mirror to see who was honking at her, and crane her head in all directions to make sure she wasn’t blocking the road. She’d do this at least three times before our conversation ended.
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
Now you’ve got me started and you’re probably going to be sorry you did. A few weeks ago I was working in the garden in the evening and saw 2 women walking in our hay fields. They were headed for the back of the farm so I drove out and asked what they were doing. They said, “just walking”. The were visiting the across-the-road neighbors and decided to take a walk on our property for God knows what reason – I think they were headed back to the woods to get high. They got pissy when I told them to leave and not come back. I’m sure they went back across the the family reunion they were having and reinforced the notion that I’m some type of major asshole. Which is exactly the reputation I want with that bunch.
P.S. As everyone left the reunion at midnight they all tooted and many did burnouts. They’re lucky I stopped drinking.
ruble
September 2nd, 2012
Damn right BFH. Those damn tooters wake up the dogs, and they start barking, then they have to go out, then it takes them an hour to settle.
even steven
September 2nd, 2012
Try living close to a railroad. It’s amazing what one’s brain can tune out.
CrustyB
September 2nd, 2012
You’re at an intersection waiting to make a right turn. There are pedestrians crossing on the WALK signal. Then the cab driver behind you honks his horn.
What is the purpose of this honk? Does he want the pedestrians to sprint out of the way so you can make your turn faster? Or does he want you to commit vehicular homicide and run over the pedestrians?
Unneutral
September 2nd, 2012
I have keyless lock on my pickup but it was very simple to eliminate the damn horn honking when locking or unlocking the vehicle.
It’s a person with little or no life that honks so everyone will look at him.
Left Coast Dan
September 2nd, 2012
I’m with super toe – read something totally different in that headline.
FreeMan - Sarah Dissed Again
September 2nd, 2012
Have you seen Frostee’s tooters yet? DoubleDang.
Sorry Zonga, a man is a man, unless he is gay, and just look at what they are missing.
Johnny Freedom
September 2nd, 2012
I’m a tooter, I was raised that way… but if you’re leaving late at night, manners override it.
Jethro
September 2nd, 2012
In my neighborhood there is a young man who owns an old ford f150 4×4 that he attempted to fix up, but gave up 1/2 way through. It has absolutely no exhaust past the headers. He leaves his parents house at about 6AM every weekday (very punctual). I use him as a snooze alarm.
DepSlimChiply
September 2nd, 2012
When I was staying with a friend in CA, I had the guest bedroom at the front of the house. Someone would come by at 6:00am every morning and honk the car horn. One morning I sprung up, when out the door and briskly made my way to the car in bare feet and pajamas. “Hi. Can I help you find who you’re looking for? Even thought I’m asleep across the street, I’m really worried you’ll never find them without help.” She never tooted again.
dba...vagabond trader
September 2nd, 2012
We don’t have tooters, just fast food garbage flinging white trash. One time I actually found a discarded drivers license, packed it and the rest of the leavings, dumped it on their driveway.
Moe Tom
September 2nd, 2012
Tooters are the same type of assholes who yell “IN THE HOLE” on national TV each time a golfer hits a ball.
norman einstein
September 2nd, 2012
@BFH, I agree with every word of your rant!
Tooting is just inconsiderate and downright rude.
“Separation anxiety” in somebody old enough to drive is grounds for psychoanalysis, IMHO.
@Xavier, holy crap! That video was nuts. I couldn’t understand a word that woman said.
They make the Trailer Park Boys look like the Algonquin Round Table.
And, if it wasn’t obnoxious enough, adding that Free Bird guitar solo upped the ante.
mkultra
September 2nd, 2012
I would also like to request that you entertain your house guest, the one with the hyena laugh, in your house. Not on your porch at 2 am please.
Czar of Defenestration
September 2nd, 2012
Fur, you forgot, “now, you kids GET OFF MY LAWN!!!”
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
@norman einstein
Groogle Dancing Outlaw. It’s a short documentary but worth adding to your video collection. YouTube has some clips and there are other videos of the White Clan but Dancing outlaw is the best.
Department of Government Overreach
September 2nd, 2012
I have an air horn off of a Freightliner truck under the hood of my pickup truck. The only time I use it instead of the one on the steering wheel is when somebody gets in my way and won’t move or just generally pisses me off for no good reason.
Let me tell you, it will make just about any son of a bitch sit straight up and clear out fast.
It’s good for tailgaters too right when they pass. They look in all directions to see where the big ass truck is.
Debbie
September 2nd, 2012
How about when it’s cool enough in the evenings to have the windows open, and a carload of drunken 20-something moose-types get out and have to scream and laugh and have their car windows rattling for 20 minutes before they go in?
Stranded in Sonoma
September 2nd, 2012
Where I live, most of the latinos are a mile or two east of me. But that doesn’t stop them from driving like maniacs down the main road (I’m just a half a block south of it) at all hours. They don’t lay on the horn, but the police siren following them is not conducive to a good night’s sleep.
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
Maybe one night when the White Trash Posse is par-tay-ing I’ll get a chance to video them and post it online for you. It’s blaring music from a distorted ghetto blaster, gunfire, fireworks, drunken laughter, screaming, bonfires, and racing anything that moves on the front yard until 2AM. Happens constantly in the summer and nice weekends in the winter. They actually bring in *more* 4 wheelers loaded on trailers and there’s 12-15 vehicles full of people who all have to toot and burn rubber as they leave.
Usually there’s a week long buildup of fireworks and hell raising leading up to July 4th. This year the little old lady (89!)who lives next door to me went over in advance and told them there wasn’t going to be that sort of nonsense anymore. And there wasn’t! She’s deaf as a doorknob so you know if they bothered her, it was pretty loud. We call her The Dragon Lady now.
I ain’t makin’ this shit up.
mkultra
September 2nd, 2012
@Xavier, it sounds like you live across the road from Jesco White.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rP2rofuqPE
.
xthred
September 2nd, 2012
My idiot sister-in-law does this. So annoying.
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
@mkultra
It’s exactly like Jesco’s family on Dancing Outlaw, and the police around here don’t care. Most of ‘em are related to these rednecks and the head redneck’s sister is the Police Dispatcher so there’s really nothing I can do. I did have some sympathy for the kids they’re raising but now they’re in high school and behave as bad as the rest of the clan, so fuck ‘em.
Katechon
September 2nd, 2012
That’s where I prefer Oriental folks to Americans : Thai people for instance are very DISCRETE, where Americans can be obnoxious, and loud. The worst in the obnoxious-and-loud department are the Arabs however. Man… no consideration for the surrounding atmosphere, no appreciation of the virtue of quietness and serenity.
Katechon
September 2nd, 2012
That’s a vivid depiction, Xavier. LOL
Department of Government Overreach
September 2nd, 2012
you can’t beat a nice quiet Amish neighborhood though.
66chevelle
September 2nd, 2012
I hate the midnight suburban subwoofer wiggers. Come to think of it, I hate them ’round the clock. That shit is sooooo ’90′s, punks. Get some spinning rims. I’m sure the price has dropped by now, and at least they’re silent.
serfer62
September 2nd, 2012
In cattle country it isn’t a problem.
BUT
a cowboy would drive by regularly at dusk & let out a hugh howl
TILL
I waited in the bushes with my 12ga. As he went by I let loose straight up.
FUNNY
he never howled again.
Toaster
September 2nd, 2012
@Xavier – do those folks ever get shot at?
Nutjob
September 2nd, 2012
I thought I lived in hicksville xavier, apparently you live in its capital.
Toaster
September 2nd, 2012
Actually, I should have asked how often do they get shot at?
Claudia
September 2nd, 2012
Add the idiots who leave their uber bright outside lights on all night to the list.
My street sometimes gets confused with the local airport.
JimBob
September 2nd, 2012
I woke up at 3:00am coyotes howling they were having a good time. Dang it
Xavier
September 2nd, 2012
@Toaster
Not yet, but I have a red laser cat toy that I point from my upstairs bedroom window occasionally – looks just like a gun laser sight dot – you should see ‘em scatter.
66chevelle
September 2nd, 2012
@Xavier
Back in 2008 we had a guy, literally living in his mom’s basement, 19 or 20 yrs. old, and the house was down the street about 400 yds. His party pals would show up most any night of the week and park their cars (many “Got Hope?” and “Obama 08″ bumperstickers) along the curb, then commence loud partying & fireworks until at least 2 in the AM. When they left they would get in their cars, drive down to my cul de sac and do tire-squealing donuts as they turned around to depart.
One weekend, when I could stay up late, I went in my shop and created some tire spikes which I then strategically placed in cracks in the asphalt in such a way that a donut would pick up at least one spike. I did this at about 1 AM when all the normal folks were in for the night then sat in the shadows of my yard with a glass of Jim Beam and waited for the show to start.
Sure enough, like clock work, the basement began to noisily empty out, and the donuts came rolling through, one after the other, 5 cars total. I went down to the cul de sac to assess the operation. 9 of 15 spikes were gone. I removed the others, and waited for results to come in the next day.
Two of the cars I never saw again on the street, another was back the next day with a donut spare, and two more did not return for another week. And nobody ever came up to my cul de sac to turn around again. I just smiled and waved at the punks every time I saw them after that. I mean, who could stay angry?
Corona
September 2nd, 2012
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/sargem/080411-b-11.jpg
Bad Brad
September 2nd, 2012
66 chevelle.
“I hate the midnight suburban subwoofer wiggers.”
I hate the little bastards. My favorite is when I’m fueling up and one of them pulls up to the pump, rolls down his window and cranks the getto shit up as loud as their 5 billion amp stereo will go. I have fun making them turn it down. I’ve been applauded at gas stations. However I was just informed by a criminal defense attorney that my actions qualify as assault in Cali. Apparently in California all you need to do is scare some one and that qualifies as assault. I gotta move.
Bob M.
September 2nd, 2012
They’re just testing how bullet-PROOF their windshield is.
Redneck Wannabe
September 2nd, 2012
” I have fun making them turn it down.”
How do you do it?
By asking politely as a gentleman taking his cap out?
Or by red-faced wild-eyes yellin’ & spittin’?
Bad Brad
September 2nd, 2012
I appeal to their logic. The conversation usually goes “Hey kid, what makes you think everyone else here want’s to listen to that shit?” Normally spoken very loudly so they can hear it over their rumbling base. It’s worked every time.
Redneck Wannabe
September 2nd, 2012
what happen when the kids reply:
– why ?? WHY ?? Because that *shit* is AWESOME, Geezer.
Bad Brad
September 2nd, 2012
Don’t tell me, let me guess. You’ve got a boom box on steroids duct taped to your handle bars on that scooter you ride. I knew it.
Redneck Wannabe
September 2nd, 2012
lllllllloooooollllllllll
NOPE.
Was only trying to imagine the Grizz against some crash’n'burn punks.
Mountain Dog
September 2nd, 2012
It’s pretty quiet at night where I live but there is one guy that comes by at about 11:30 at night with some kind of loud hip hop crap that rattles the windows.
Since he comes by at the same time every night, I am thinking about borrowing a set of spike strips from a cop I know.
Bad Brad
September 2nd, 2012
I haven’t run into one (It’s happened about 6 times in the last 2 years) smart enough to know I can only run the bluff so far. Obviously you can’t get physical with the little punks. But according to my attorney buddy, not a good idea in Cali.
Toaster
September 2nd, 2012
@Xavier – is Jesco White an 0bamanite? It checked out “Dancing outlaw” on You Toooob and I found this video where he’s making a video with “0bama Girl” from 2009. They say meth is pretty bad stuff, I guess so if it can turn ya’ into an 0bamanaut and kill you too.
hopefully your “neighbors” aren’t 0bama-bots too
Efficacy
September 2nd, 2012
Damn, I love/relate-to Fur’s RANT!
Frosteetoes
September 2nd, 2012
@ Katechon – I’m glad you used the word Oriental. The pc term of Asian is too broad since Asia comprises of Indians and other non Chinese, Korean, Japanese, etc,.. Why they allowed the word Oriental be dropped is beyond me because it conjures up images of quaint villages, majestic hills and valleys, the smells of spices and perfumed flowers. All positive aspects.
I agree. The Orientals make great neighbors. Quiet, always polite and take care of their property.
Bad Brad
September 2nd, 2012
Frosteetoes. For some reason every time I see your new Avatar, that Montrose song Rock Candy instantly starts playing in my head. Damn.
The Doktor
September 2nd, 2012
I toot every time I see goats. Alpacas get two toots.
Chunkdog
September 2nd, 2012
You could make a Seinfeld episode out of this post.
Merry Poppet
September 2nd, 2012
Yes!! Thank you!! This has been an aggravation to me for years. People feel compelled to toot the %$^#$ horn every time they back out of a driveway, no matter how late (or how early). Is it maybe to advertise that a frickin moron is about to be turned loose on the road?
Princess
September 2nd, 2012
” Is it maybe to advertise that a frickin moron is about to be turned loose on the road?”
Probably. Could be their obnoxious way of being charitable.
FreedomCat
September 2nd, 2012
My mom does this but at 10 pm on work & school nights. Drives me CRAZY!!!
Princess
September 2nd, 2012
” Why they allowed the word Oriental be dropped is beyond me”
I didn’t know it was dropped. French-speaking monkey here : in French, that word is very much alive.
spymyeyes
September 3rd, 2012
Evertime I had to drop my kid off to his, his mothers next door neighbor (an obammabot asshat just like my kids mommy) has a bunch of llamas out in his front lawn “mowing” his grass day and night and did you know that if you scream out Obmmasuxdik
that llamas will get up and take notice from a sound sleep or meal?
My kid has a great time feeding obamma election material to the llamas that he collects from around town…..
SEE there is a “useful” purpose for all this election stuff after all…!
PATH
September 3rd, 2012
You’ve got to be one of my neighbors. After the party ended Saturday night about 2:30 AM I heard the beeps as the attendees left.