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I Give Blagojevich a Solid B+

Home - by - January 11, 2010 - 15:26 America/New_York - 25 Comments

I got a crush on Blago and he just became even more crush-worthy:

In the article, Blagojevich refers to the president as “this guy,” and says Obama was elected based simply on hope.

“What the (expletive)? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter,” Blagojevich told the magazine for a story that hits newsstands Jan. 19.

“I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,” Blagojevich said. “I saw it all growing up.”

Oh, Blago, while I suspect that the Democrats consider you more like a recurring case of herpes, you are like a super awesome belated Christmas gift to me! My crush on you began when you were informed of the fact that you were under wire tap surveillance. The very next day you answered a reporter’s question regarding the same by saying something like “There’s nothing but sunshine hanging over me.”  That was proof positive that you were boyfriend material, even if only for your obvious ability to obtain prime pharmaceuticals. We’d have to work on your hair obsession, though. Sorry, Blago, but I get all the mirror time.

You then warmed the cockles of my heart when you flipped the big old bird to the entire Democrat party by saying “Oh yea? I can’t appoint the new Senator simply because I tried to extort money for the position? In your face!  I’m doing it anyway –and I’m playing the race card.” That’s right, you went all-in with the good old race card. Hilarity ensued, and continued to do so when, during the press conference, you quoted Rudyard Kipling. All while continuing to deny any wrong-doing, regardless of the actual tape recordings evidencing your pay to play attempts. I suppose that part is understandable; it is Chicago and corruption is the status quo there. In fact, you are abnormal if you aren’t corrupt in Chicago politics. Chicago politicians give New Jersey politicians a run for their money (and they might turn up wearing cement boots and tossed into the Hudson River if they don’t stop trying to steal Jersey’s thunder.)

Finally, you literally get impeached and have, yet, another Press Conference denying all, and indicating that the reason you were being impeached was because you’re are just SOOO awesome that the rest of the Illinois political machine is jealous. You were saving lives! People will DIE if you aren’t around! And as proof, you had a dead child on stage with you (seriously, look at the kid lying on the floor.)

USA-CONGRESS/BURRIS

See, if you weren’t impeached and being harangued, for no good reason, that kid would still be alive. To wrap up, you once again quoted a poet; Tennyson this time.  I was hoping you would go for Coleridge, maybe something from the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, some sort of Albatross reference, but, alas, one can’t get everything one wants.

I’ll let that one slide anyway because you helped to prove that, once again, the Democrats are the ones who are obsessed with color. They seated your appointment, Senator Burriss, after they ALL, including Obama, said that there was no way in hell that a Blago appointment would be seated by the Senate. What changed? Yup, your brilliant race card move! Clearly, to your fellow Democrats, as long as you have the right color skin, any ethical reservations go right out the window.

Now, you are going a step further and admitting your bigotry, from which, it is becoming increasing clear, many Democrats suffer. You are “blacker” than Obama because you shined shoes? Wow. You used to merely play the race card, but now you are showing your racism.

I thank you for it, however, hence the crush. You do so much, all on your own, to take the wind out of the Democrats false  ”For The Minorities” narratives. In fact, to encourage your continuing stint in the limelight, I will once again dust off my video camera and record my very own “I Got a Crush on Blago” music video.

Only one problem; I’ve got the rack and the tight t-shirts, but I can’t sing. I suppose I can take a page from your own book, Blago, and ignore pesky things like facts, though. So, I just need to write the lyrics. I’m thinking something like “He’s well-coiffed, he’s sanity-challenged, and he likes pay to play — I’ve got a crush on Blago”.

Geraldo, here I come!

UPDATE: Linked at Horowitz’s NewsReal

» 25 Comments

  1. illustr8r

    January 11th, 2010

    Blago…that hair. He looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid!

    Thumb up +2

     
  2. rebecca

    January 11th, 2010

    Tee-hee, and Lori, don’t forget that Time mag found him to be one of the top Elvis impersonators. LOL

    Thumb up +1

     
  3. Matt

    January 11th, 2010

    I made it as far as “I got the rack and tight t shirts” this was near the end so I got two things out of that post. One of them I have to monitor for 4 hours to make sure it goes away.

    Thumb up +7

     
  4. Mark

    January 11th, 2010

    Matt stole my thunder!

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  5. Althing

    January 11th, 2010

    I would be careful visiting this site with that stuff, Matt. A random picture of Pelosi might have an adverse effect on the drug and make your John Hancock hide within your pelvis thus creating the newest malady in America- the liberal mangina.

    Thumb up +4

     
  6. Call me Lennie

    January 11th, 2010

    @ Matt

    I never could understand that disclaimer for Viagra ads — “If an erection lasts more than four hours, call your Doctor”

    And do what? Thank him? — Hey Doc this stuff works great!!

    Thumb up +1

     
  7. Call me Lennie

    January 11th, 2010

    And besides, even if it really becomes a problem you don’t have to bother your doctor. Just E-Mail BFH and he’ll send you a batch of his Rosie O’Donnell pics

    Thumb up +1

     
  8. Althing

    January 11th, 2010

    I like what Tim Meadows said in the Dewey Cox Story, “If erections last for more than four hours, call more women!”

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  9. Althing

    January 11th, 2010

    Good job, Matt. Only you could take a great piece by Lori and turn it into a string of boner jokes. The liberals could use you and your distracting powers over people.

    Thumb up +2

     
  10. Lori Ziganto

    January 11th, 2010

    Ha! I would have been gravely disappointed and, frankly, lost respect for y’all, if it didn’t get turned into some man naughty bits jokes! :D

    Thumb up +1

     
  11. Just call me Doc

    January 11th, 2010

    LZ I saw Blago backpeddeling on Fox news this morning saying “my remarks were stupid stupid stupid”…

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  12. Matt

    January 11th, 2010

    Well then! you would be VERY proud of me Lori!
    Umm..maybe not.
    anyone got a Kleenex?

    Thumb up +1

     
  13. Alpha Maser

    January 11th, 2010

    Blago is the gift that keeps giving. Liberals (when in power) get more light shined on them and people can see them for the rats they are.

    Thumb up +1

     
  14. Just call me Doc

    January 11th, 2010

    My 88 year old fishin buddy ask the pharmacist if he could cut his Viagra tablets into quarters….the reply was sure but they won’t have the full effect then. My friend then said “I just want it to stick out enough so I don’t pee on my shoes!”

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  15. Brian

    January 11th, 2010

    Of course, Blago is 100% correct in saying he’s blacker than Obama. Obama is about as divorced from the American Black experience as you can get. Most white people have more connection to American blacks than he does. His ancestors lived 4000 miles away from the ancestral homelands of most American blacks. Hell, some of my ancestore lived closer to the Slave Coast tha Obama’s did.

    But hey, whatever makes the race card look even more ridiculous and pathetic, I’m all for it.

    We now return you to the parade of dick jokes which is already in progress

    Thumb up +7

     
  16. Chris

    January 11th, 2010

    Sorry blago, “I was born a poor black child” already used – appropriately enough , by Steve Martin in “The Jerk”.

    Thumb up +2

     
  17. Ebony Bandera

    January 11th, 2010

    Four-hour-plus woodies aside, consider, gentlemen, that there are some occasions where arousal is undesirable. One example might be going to a movie, holding hands with your wife, and watching some hot babe in a steamy scene.

    I have the sure cure: A simple phrase to say to say mentally to yourself once or twice, and Voila! instant detumescence: “Janet Reno’s thighs”

    Thumb up +1

     
  18. Uncle Al

    January 11th, 2010

    And yes, I have been posting in the past as Ebony Bandera – a bilingual play on words meaning “Black Flag.” Not wanting to be accused of flying false colors, I’ll now continue as Uncle Al. Some replies to my earlier posts suggested that one or two may have assumed I was female. Au contraire. Vive la difference.

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  19. Dick S

    January 11th, 2010

    A fitting tribute to a worthy subject; blago provides many laughs and gaffs. His faux Beatle hair style is older than he is. “You could ask yourself; Is that his own hair?”-Talking Heads

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  20. ScratchNSniff

    January 11th, 2010

    Dang Al, ambiguous much? :)

    And as for Blabsontomuch, what a loser. Sounds like someone wants to give him a solid BJ. ;)

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  21. LisaGinNZ

    January 11th, 2010

    Brian: exactly, spot on… Blago IS “blacker” than Obama in the context Reid was talking about…

    Hell, almost anyone is ‘blacker’ than Obumbles

    A prayer: Lord help Illinois get cleaned up from the likes of Blago, Daley and all other Viagra selling or big hair wearing Democrats … amen

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  22. Wyatt AARP

    January 11th, 2010

    I will give Illinois credit for one thing – they send a lot of their ex-governors to prison. Otto Kern, Dan Walker, George Ryan. Other states just give ex-governors a pension, Illinois gives them a room and 3 squares.

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  23. uberVU - social comments

    January 11th, 2010

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by snarkandboobs: Bloggity: “I Give Blagojevich a Solid B+” http://bit.ly/8JapCK #tcot #ihaveissues #sgp…

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  24. Robert Neville

    January 12th, 2010

    Would there be any possible way….mmmmm…..ahhhh….that we could see the rack and the tight t-shirts? Just a peek, maybe…a little peek?

    As for Blago, I once heard him referred to as “Blowdryervich”. Best name he’s been given yet. Wonder how much Obama has leaned on him to keep his mouth shut about what he REALLY knows is going on in the Obumble Administration. That Chicago River runs thicker than blood, though. Doubt we’ll know until Obumble is out of office, serving coffee, and Blowdryervich writes his memoirs.

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  25. [...] Lori Ziganto’s latest article at iOwntheworld.com [...]

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