DEARBORN, MICHIGAN – After a week of being under fire for adopting a drawl and telling a group of black supporters that Republicans are “gonna put ya’ll back in chains,” Vice President Biden spoke at the ‘Eye for an Eye’ mosque in Dearborn this afternoon dressed in a burqa. The vice president’s visit to commemorate the mosque’s twenty-fifth anniversary fit conveniently between a fundraiser that morning at the Forever Twilight nursing home and another that evening at Michigan’s Macomb County Prison.
The American Muslims that gathered at the mosque were baffled when Biden stepped up to the podium shrouded in a burqa. The vice president did not allude to his attire but began by thanking the congregation for their hospitality and admiring the mosque’s architecture.
“What a beautiful building you people have built to worship your God,” Biden said. “It’s so peaceful. In my church the priest feeds us some flesh, we wash it down with blood and we pray we don’t have to burn in the flames of Hell for eternity,” he snickered.
The vice president looked at the quiet audience and tapped his microphone. “Testing one, two … is this thing working?” he chuckled, unable to rouse a response from the congregation.
“But in all seriousness,” he continued, “God is good, isn’t he?” He grimaced as he adjusted his burqa and then added, “or as some of your freedom fighters yell out before a slaughter, Allah Akbar!”
At that point a man yelled out “Allahu Akbar!” with several parishioners excitedly repeating the phrase.
“I don’t wanna forget to give a shout out to the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt,” the vice president said. “Some folks are uneasy about that situation but, hey, whadd’ya gonna do, huh?”
As Biden fumbled with his burqa an Imam approached him and the two huddled together before the vice president returned to the microphone.
“I, uh, I was just informed that burqas are only worn by Muslim women. Well, to be frank with you, I was not aware of that. I feel a little silly now.”
Vice President Biden impatiently adjusted the headset of his burqa.