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Rosie O’Donnell Has a Heart Attack – Writes a Poem
my heart attack
August 20, 2012
its a semi-sunny monday
the light bouncing off the flat hudson
mish is sitting next to me
i am happy to be alive
last week i had a heart attack
here is what happened
on tuesday morning
while walking in a parking lot in nyack
i heard a loud commanding voice
“can u help me”
more of a demand than request
a challenge – a plea
i turned and saw an enormous woman
struggling to get out of her car
she was stuck
“can u help me? she asked again
as i walked toward her
“oh u r rosie odonnell”
yes i am
the ghost of christmas future
me – if i did not wake
there r no accidents i thought
as i braced myself and lifted her
it was not easy
but together we did it
she was up and on her way
with gratitude
a few hours later my body hurt
i had an ache in my chest
both my arms were sore
everything felt bruised
muscular – i thought
strained or pulled tissue
i went about my day
the pain persisted
i became nauseous
my skin was clammy
i was very very hot
i threw up
maybe this is a heart attack
i googled womens heart attack symptoms
i had many of them
but really? – i thought – naaaa
i took some bayer aspirin
thank god
saved by a tv commercial
literally
i did not call 911
50% of women having heart attacks never call 911
200,000 women die of heart attacks
every year in the US
by some miracle i was not one of them
the next day i went to a cardiologist
the dr did an EKG and sent me to the hospital
where a stent was put in
my LAD was 99% blocked
they call this type of heart attack
the Widow maker
i am lucky to be here
know the symptoms ladies
listen to the voice inside
the one we all so easily ignore
CALL 911
save urself
xxx
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
And . . . ?
Is she going to see God?
Vote vote GOP?
Follow Moose’s dietary advice?
None of the above?
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
“i am lucky to be here”
Never thought I’d see those words coming from her about AMERICA.
Wait. She wasn’t talkng about America?
About HERSELF?!
Joe
August 21st, 2012
I’d trade her for Phyllis Diller any day of the week.
House of Kell
August 21st, 2012
Shame she had a readily available internet connection and a few Bayer aspirins, huh?
DAMN!!!
This is one POS the country can do without, maybe her a cher can make a pact, one dies the other volunteers……
Diann
August 21st, 2012
And she survived?!
Sheesh, they just don’t make heart attacks like they used to.
Poonces
August 21st, 2012
Probably saw her own reflection in the car window glass. That would give anyone a heart attack.
reddecaesari
August 21st, 2012
her “partner” bought aspirins for another purpose.
to place between her knees.
Navy Squid
August 21st, 2012
I love the write-up…. “She was magnanimously and selflessly helping another woman out of a car, and the strain was too much for her.” Yeah, right. I’ll bet she was sitting on her custom built, extra-heavy duty industrial strength toilet, while plowing through a second barrel of deep-fried pork rinds and washing it down with a few gallons of Gallo Port, and blew her heart out trying to pass a turd!
Millertime
August 21st, 2012
as the attention whore slips into the oblivion of irrelevance, a last gasp plea foe medical attention is a well known trick to stimulate a sympathetic reaction
Maudie N Mandeville
August 21st, 2012
the ‘widow maker’. Hey, the definition still works for Rosie’s wife, doesn’t it?
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
@ Squid — Great Elvis reference, except for the fact that Elvis was once COOL. Rosie NEVER was.
RANDO
August 21st, 2012
Diann, that was a classic! I’m still chuckling.
Martin Hessler
August 21st, 2012
“the next day i went to the hospital..”
So she waited 24 hours or so when she clearly suspected an MI. F—–g brillant!
And what’s with the lower case? Does she think she’s e.e. cummings?
Billy Fuster
August 21st, 2012
In these times it is difficult to have compassion for one’s enemies. Thank-you Barrack Obama.
even steven
August 21st, 2012
I’m so moved by her poem that I’m going send her a carton of cigarettes. I hope it helps.
Martin Hessler
August 21st, 2012
As one of my old professors said in Med School: A classic example of T.S.T.L. syndrome. “Too stupid to live”
mkultra
August 21st, 2012
I don’t like her very much (at all), but I’m glad she didn’t kick the bucket. If she had, I might feel guilty about calling her Rosie O’Douchebag. Or Greasy O’Waterbuffalo.
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
@ Martin H – More likely pinky’s too big to hit SHIFT key without hitting the cap lock as well, so she doesn’t try.
I just pried the caplock key off. No problems.
RosalindJ
August 21st, 2012
Lol @Diann!
Never feel guilty about those names, mkultra.
Pickled Liver
August 21st, 2012
And she looks so healthy too?
jclady
August 21st, 2012
Rosie has a heart? Who knew.
Serious Putty
August 21st, 2012
I have flushed better “poems” than that.
F.D.R. in Hell
August 21st, 2012
She was listed on the Guest Arrival Bulletin Board two weeks ago, but Lucifer erased her name and walked away, shaking his head.
CrustyB
August 21st, 2012
I can’t believe George Bush sneaked into her bedroom like that and injected her with heart attack-inducing poison.
Necrophidius
August 21st, 2012
Did it hit the richter scale?
LadyGun12
August 21st, 2012
“Call 911, save urself”
Unless, of course, you’re a conservative woman.
Stranded in Sonoma
August 21st, 2012
NSFS (not suitable for sanity)
I can’t continue. I have to go get a root canal.
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
There she sat
broken-hearted.
Came to . . .
Boobie the Rocket Dog
August 21st, 2012
@ Squid –
RO’D's house on Star Island:
http://www.geekologie.com/2007/10/11/toilet-house.jpg
Callmelennie
August 21st, 2012
That’s a poem? It looks like 30 crib notes stuck together
scr_north
August 21st, 2012
I’ve had a heart attack and also had stents put in (then I had to have open heart surgery 4 years later to fix a bad valve) so I do have some sympathy for another member of the club however I do notice that in her “poem” she never mentions or thanks God for another chance. I’m not an real organized religeous type guy but I know that God was flying wing with me that evening because of all the dumb ass decisions I made (not calling 911, waiting hours and taking antacids, taking a cab to the hospital, smoking a cig relax, etc etc) and I still survived. She an ungrateful, loud mouthed, self-centered, smug prog and she’s damn lucky God doesn’t hold grudges. Hell, maybe this will turn her around and God’s giving her a chance.
Carlos The Jackal
August 21st, 2012
Speculation is that she suffered from an overabundance of Gall Bladder fluid, since there is no evidence that ROD’s anatomy contains a heart.
Free4Now
August 21st, 2012
My thought exactly, Callmelennie. What a pantload of drivel.
Rosie O'Donnell Has a Heart Attack – Writes a … – I Own The World - Early Signs of Heart Attack
August 21st, 2012
[...] See the original article here: Rosie O'Donnell Has a Heart Attack – Writes a … – I Own The World [...]
Strike-Anywhere Ukulele
August 21st, 2012
I refuse to read anything that bitch wrote but I have to wonder how are they gonna fit all that on her tombstone?
Sheriff JW Pepper
August 21st, 2012
On behalf of Genl Ripper and with power vested in me, I hereby do commandeer this post and all the content within. And this means YOU, smartass.
I had no idea that eating pussy could raise your cholesterol, harden your arteries and give you a heart attack. No. Idea.
If that’s the case, I shoulda been dead long ago.
;P )!(
Hey, maybe O’Donnell’s heart attack really WAS the bush’s fault!
99th Squad Leader
August 22nd, 2012
A first grader could write a better poem.
She’ll ride the heart attack thing into the ground.