Home - by Cardigan - August 21, 2012 - 19:00 America/New_York - 84 Comments
August 21st, 2012
“that’s how big it was before I had to cut it off to marry Barry”
“I’ve eaten so much spaghetti I’m starting to talk with my hands.”
My ass used to be this big.
My arms are not better than they were in 2008 but I love those tax payer funded perks: makeup, hair, clothes, vacation, travel in luxury, spending other people’s money…
You should have seen my first pearl necklace.
My husband tells lies this big.
“My ass really IS this big!! I just have to cover it with thousands and thousands of dollars of clothing designed to hide all the fat”.
Roscoe P. Soultrane
What can I say, honkies? You fucked up; you trusted us!
I’m having a new podium made and it’s going to be thhhhhhiiiiisssssss wide!
Queen of CLASH!
Look at that curtain. Could anyone find a dress that stood out worse?
And I am a guy who could care less about fashion.
The end to Michelle’s favorite “Dirty Ernie/Little Johnnie” joke: “R is for Rat! Big motherfucker, with a cock this long!”
“And the people asked ‘how much do you love me?’ And Barack spread out his hands and said ‘this much’”.
Maybe the curtain design is one of those psychedelic mesmerizing techniques from the 60′s.
Free at last, free at last, everything we get is free for me and mine… at last.
“Children didn’t that cabbage waffle taste marvelous?”
Jethro: You stole my punch line. She clashes with that curtain!
I'm Your Huckleberry
“…then Barack did this with his hands, and the Red Sea parted”
“Don’t cry for me Mogadishu”
“Make me feel good! Make me feel good!”
Please enjoy that mental image.
Just look at these AAAAAARRRRMMMMMSSSS!
“After finishing off those fifteen cabbage Biden’s, that’s what Barack and me call cabbage sloppy joe’s, just in fun, of course… those sloppy Biden’s those finicky kids wouldn’t eat, the next morning, well… it was about this long. Thank goodness for Charmin.”
Mary Jane Anklestraps
That pattern is offensive and dizzying to the eye!
And so are those curtains behind her.
“I don’t really know anything; I just try and act like I do–and–likewise with style and grace, I just try and act like I do.”
Everybody, give me a “W”, for I am Woman, feel me roar!
If I hold ‘em up like this my knuckles don’t drag on the ground. I lost a couple rings before I learned that trick!
That’s right Whitey, were gonna’ shove the Washington Monument up yo’ ass till it’s this wide…..god damn America !!!
Michelle’s dressmaker upholsterer was the set designer too.
I accept your nomination as food nazi
eternal cracker p
The elated look of Moose accepting a large order of cheese fries with open arms.
“It’s looking more and more like barry is gonna lose by THIS much”
“I need a pile of hundreds about this big for my next vaca!!”
I was never proud of my country but now I just love helping my fake husband fuck it up beyond white recognition so much I just can’t stop smiling when I think about it.
Shit, I can even tell people what to eat.
“W” is for watermelon, eat that whitey!
Gosh, I’m just so glad you all get to see me.
Now, you all know there is at least this much distance between Obama and reality….x 10
Roscoe, that’s my most favorite joke! I’m a teeny tiny little soccer mom and I love telling that joke, gets em every time! They totally don’t expect it from me.
“Don’t cry for me Oprah Winfrey
The truth is, I never diet
I’ll eat tamales
Some greasy french fries
Give me those short ribs
And one more rib eye”
living proof that God spray painted her.
The bottom of her feet and the palms of her hands is where God missed.
Notice her big nostrils?
That’s where God picked her up off the cardboard after painting..
“Have I said too much
There’s nothing more I can think of to eat right now
But all you have to do
Is look at me to know
That I’m a great big cow”
Tomorrow Michele will be wearing the curtain
ala Carol Burnett in The Gone With The Wind sketch.
You didn’t build this podium! General Steel did! Thank Barry!!!
Michelle Obama reopens the white house to the public after redecorating it to look like the Louisiana cathouse she was conceived in.
It’s me the Communist version of Oprah with a much bigger Ba-Dunk-A-Dunk!
Michele Obama accepting her Golden Globe Award for her role of Aunt Ester on Sanford and Son.
Friend of the family
Are she and her husband ever going to get over themselves? (Hey Mr. and Mrs. Obama, you wipe your asses just like me.)
I have to laugh when you say my husband was born in Kenya……….
Next thing you’ll tell me is that the curtains don’t match my dress!
I’m standing behind the presidential seal because I say so. Y’all got that, tea party crackers?
“That’s how big how net-worth we’ll be after looting the treasury during our second term! “
“That’s how many postal votes we’ll fake to win the next election! “
“That’s how many New Black Panthers there’ll be around the voting booths of battleground states “
House of Kell
Man…dis is sum REALLY good acid…(while laughing uncontrollably)….dayum!!! I’z be seein’ all kindsa’ shit…an’ these curtains…SHIT!!! I gots t’ gets meh sum mo of this……(STILL while laughing uncontrollably)
“That’s how many dollars we’ll print ex nihilo to monetarize the debt and the government’s unfunded liabilities! “
“I have a massive gold bar this big under my pillow!! “
“Pizza for EVERYONE!”
“That’s how many folks without gold nor guns will starve in the coming years in the *USA*.”
“At the celebratory ceremony in honour of Moloch, Barack was raped by a goat-man, and it was THIS big!! “
Woman of Color(s)
“Don’t cry for me, Argentina…whoops, wrong country…”
Lawzy, we got to have a doctor. I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ babies.
Good to see that the set from “Laugh In” is still getting some use.
Doesn’t the backdrop look like it came from ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ or something?… she looks as though she’s saying, “… or you can trade more of your liberty for this box of entitlements… or what’s behind the curtain with the sickle and hammer.”
“… or you can trade more of your liberty for this box of entitlements… or what’s behind the curtain with the sickle and hammer.”
Hell of a lot of fact in that paragraph!
She’s the alien from Close Encounters Of Third Kind. I swear that dudette is her-she-it!
I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles my Maaamy.
“Yes, its true! My ass really is this big!!”
Does this wallpaper make me look fat?
That background looks like a giant technicolor barcode. And she clashes with it, but then again she clashes with everything in America.
He lies THISSSSSSSSSS much!
99th Squad Leader
“Welcome to the circus!” the bearded lady says as she takes the podium – away from her husband the contortionist.
I hate you thiiiiiiiiiiis much.
OMG, Close Encounters was my first thought, too.
haaaaaaaaaa. i was thinking it was her audition tape for the price is right.
show america what she’s won johnny…….
With those man-hands and those monkey arms, she could palm a regulation basketball and slam-dunk it flat-footed.
August 22nd, 2012
Hey I might have a fuckin huge ass but you got to admit my arms are hot.
Lawsie whut a ass on dat ho , nuf to giv to a hole passel of cullyid sogers whut wanteed some puzzy frm bak hom in de getto yar it tiz hep yo seffs
Who dresses this woman? The wardrobe department at Seasame Street?
I can take this much and more up the ole poop chute…..
They teach about those curtains in CIA Behavior Modification classes. That particular color scheme makes people sick and makes them less likely to throw things at the speaker.
Remember that skinney, effete, simpleton that USED to stand here? Well I ATE HIM – I’M in charge NOW!!!
NBC has its Peacock, WH has its Buzzard.
When Malia came back from Mexico, she told me she saw a tamale that was THIS big!
I take that back. Do you see lots of flab under her arms? I do
August 23rd, 2012
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