iOwnTheWorld.com

Smuggling in rare toilet paper. Life in the Obama/Sheryl Crowe World.

+9

Racist 80′s

+5

I’ll take one in memory of the days when I could use is without getting stuff on my hand, not unlike a modern muslim. Did I just say that?

+8

use it, damnit, it.

+4

Just wait until the world ends, financially-speaking. We’l be paying THAT much for A (singular) roll of the CURRENT stuff!!!

+8

The brownness of my poop stains would go so well with peach.

+2

Geez, I remember when every bathroom had to have the peach-colored toilet paper.

$85 a pack?

White is just fine. (Is that racist?)

+4

After QE3 that will be the price on the selves at Wal-Mart.

+5

Yeah, I have a TP-hoarding thing going on, too. At last count, I have 25 packages in denominations of 6 pack, 12 pack, 24 pack. And I refuse to pay more than 50 cents per roll (usually sale price).

Grew up without indoor plumbing, and I keep telling people that when the “sh– hits the fan” (pun intended) and Obama gets re-elected, he will most likely do a version of government utilities takeover. Anywhere from hiking rates to the stratosphere, to brownouts. And if we’re hit with an EMP, first thing you do is dig a latrine. Give each family member a 5-gallon plastic drywall bucket and fill it with about 4″ of water. Your own personal toity! And keep it covered with a 3/4″ thickness of folded newspaper. Every person needs to keep his/her personal toity in an area like a back porch or basement.

Back to the subject of this thread, I’m an antique dealer, and trust me—none of this is remotely sellable in real life. Only thing I would possibly give space to is the set of metal graters that might be $6 on a good day!

+4

Hey, I can get you a much better deal on the toilet paper I only used one side of.

+2

The New York Times is much cheaper. In a Pinch. Pinch Get it? Heeheee.

+6

I might pay $85 for a pack of Mr. Whipple’s un-squeezed Charmin’, but not for that Yankee stuff.

+3

Wait, I think that came out wrong

+2

I don’t want to register on Etsy, but for all the people who wonder why the seller is saying “these yellow pencils would be perfect for birthday parties . . . .obviously it’s because the way they’re displayed. Birthday candles!

0

I’m thinking of starting a company that is based on truth in advertising or as I like to describe it – Telling It Like It Is

toilet paper = Shit Paper(tm)

facial tissue = Snot Rags(tm)

gasoline = Liquid Dinosaurs(tm) (with cartoon logo of a smiling Velociraptor peeking out of your gas cap)

UAW-made American car – Rusted-out Shitbox(tm)

travel agency – ThirdWorldShitholes.com(tm)

erectile dysfunction medication – Dick Pills(tm)

PMS pills – Bitch Pills(tm)

…there’s more just percolating somewheres down in my medulla oblangata

+2

$85? Wow. Back in ’82 I was wiping my ass with that stuff.

+3

For 85 bucks it better be peach-flavored too.

+2

I miss the blue colored toilet paper. Why can’t we find colored toilet paper anymore?

+1

NeeNee: Some friends and I have been TP hoarding too. They have done the food insurance thing too, with boxes of food in their attic. They have the garage attic full of TP. I have about 50 pkgs. of the big rolls, 12 packs. Hope we don’t run out.

+1

I use the pages from the Time Magazines that my friend doesn’t want to read.

0