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33
Wow. Earth shattering. Someone figured out that all of Tom Cruise’s “marriages” ended when his wives turned 33.
People are now scrambling to see if there is deeper meaning to this. I really don’t think there is anything all that deep about Tom Cruise, besides his roomy colon.
We did some work for the numerologists who are racking their brains finding “33″ connections.
- Tom went through 32 other last names before he decided on “Cruise.” The other 32 were dismissed because they weren’t quite gay enough.
Some other names were: Tom Lube, Tom Fabulous, Just Tom, Tom Closet, Tom Sparkle and Tom Gurl.
- 33 is his locker number at Man Country.
- 33 is his text code for, “The wife and kids are out, come over in the plumbing company truck I bought you.”
- 33 is the amount of AIDS tests he’s taken.
- There are 33 letters in the phrase, “Scientology distracts from my gayness.”
- 3.3″ is the size of the lifts in his shoes.
Stirrin the B.S.
July 2nd, 2012
- 3.3″ is the size of the lifts in his shoes.
Just his lifts?
Tim
July 2nd, 2012
Wow! This is all just so fas … uhhh, not really.
So, who are the women pictured and what have they to do with anything?
wrpspeed
July 2nd, 2012
Maybe Cruise and Travolta should get a room.
Whom
July 2nd, 2012
Bwahahaha
Whom
July 2nd, 2012
He splits with ‘em at 33 because that’s about when the ladies get peak libido..
Noelegy
July 2nd, 2012
So how long do you think it will be before he gets married again?
Stranded in Sonoma
July 2nd, 2012
@Noelegy — On January 21, 2013, when Barack and Michelle’s divorce is final.
Jeff
July 2nd, 2012
Why should any adult that has a life of his own give a s–t, about an unhinged loser like TC? He is still a self-centered teenager that has yet to grow up and act like an adult.
Moxie Man
July 2nd, 2012
“Rolling Rock of Ages”
Conservative Cartoon Link: July 5, 2012 | DBKP - Death By 1000 Papercuts - DBKP
July 2nd, 2012
[...] CRUSIN’ – 33. BigFurHat works out on the star of “Risky Business.” Actually, there’s a lot of [...]
Joe Btfsplk
July 2nd, 2012
Dirk Digler is the bizzaro Tom Cruise.
Hybrid Lemon
July 2nd, 2012
Wait… do you think there could be a connection between Scientology… and Numerology… and Proctology?
Chief I-cake
July 2nd, 2012
It’s easy to understand…most women tire of being a beard for their down-low gay husbands by age 33.
Michelle Obama being the notable exception.
Chief I-cake
July 2nd, 2012
Avatar failure to launch again.
Chalupa
July 2nd, 2012
He’ll be with Travolta until he turns 70….
Chief I-cake
July 2nd, 2012
Tommy is turning 50 tomorrow. Katie’s timing is perfect.
Happy birthday, Mr. Mapother.
Stirrin the B.S.
July 2nd, 2012
@Chief – the reason Mooch stuck around is because she knew that the perqs of her “marriage” were going to get significantly better.
Poonces
July 2nd, 2012
Pre-nups with millions per year of marriage? At least Katie did the math and endured the sentence with a lot of shopping. No brainer.
No worries. There are drugs for that post-wifepartum thing tommy boy.
IronyCurtain
July 2nd, 2012
….wha? What are you saying? Are you implying that Tom Cruise is gay? But he’s a leading man!
C’mon! This is crazy. What’s next? Anderson Cooper is gay? haha!
Oh, wait…I’ve got an even better one: John Travolta is gay!
Jeez, next thing you’ll be telling us that Barack Obama is gay! Which we know is impossible because…well, just look at his smokin’ hot wife!! “nuff said.
joe
July 2nd, 2012
I’m not so much interested in Tom’s wives, but the phrase “roomy colon” intrigues me. I stand amazed.
muddjuice
July 2nd, 2012
I still like his movies. They’re entertaining…
Alpha Maser
July 2nd, 2012
Hey Moxie Man, my sentiments exactly, it has something to do with Old Latrobe Rolling Rock beer and the mystery of the 33.
http://www.snopes.com/business/hidden/rolling.asp
Ohio Dan
July 2nd, 2012
Jeff, I agree with you but go much further. What is wrong with a society that gives a crap about the personal lives of vacuous narcissists that can act, sing or stand there and be pretty? Do your job. Entertain us and go away. Speaking of narcisists, oabama is a SCOAMF!
Tim
July 2nd, 2012
Is it true that Tom Cruise’s birth name was Cadwallader Twatwaffle?
OceanSailor
July 2nd, 2012
Narcissists are never satisfied no matter the cost. He lost 3 beautiful women and some money. A small price for his ego is his thinking. Or maybe we don’t get it because it’s “Christian Science”.
Jethro
July 2nd, 2012
By the way – his penis is only 33mm long….he’s a CATCHER cause it’s worthless for either sex!
TexMark
July 2nd, 2012
“33″ is actually an abbreviated emoticon symbol representing the two butts of gay lovers in a train. With only two fags in the train, it’s impossible for the two to be interconnected at the waist, so the penis symbol of the emoticon is inferred. The full version might look like this: -33 with “-3″ representing the penis and buttocks from the leader of the train and the rest are connected with each “3″ representing another gay ass. An open-ended train of 6 queers would be represented as “-333333″ while a completely interconnected train, or circle of 6 fags might be represented as “333333″. Now, a train of fags in alternating positions, including oral, might be represented as “O333″ and it is assumed this train is complete by the first guy giving head to the second while he pokes the last guy from the rear, otherwise, if the first guy was simply giving head without poking the last it would be “-O333″.
(BTW: This is total BS on my part, but I thought it fit the context for this story on Tomboy Cruise.)
FreeMan - Save Me Sarah
July 2nd, 2012
You know that is so crazy, it must be true.
33 is when they turn into a bottle of Rolling Rock.
Jim
July 2nd, 2012
Cruise to your ass.
joeclark77
July 2nd, 2012
I’m reminded of the episode of Battlestar Galactica (the new series) called “33″. It was the first episode after the miniseries that kicked off the show. At the end of the miniseries, the fleet had made its first hyper-jump into deep space. In the first episode, the Cylons catch up with them 33 minutes later. The fleet jumps again, and this repeats precisely every 33 minutes until they find and destroy the ship that the Cylons are somehow tracking.
Maybe the alien menace is catching up with Tom Cruise every time his wives turn 33, and he’s once again forced to hyper-jump away? I don’t know much about UFOs, but Tom Cruise does.
99th Squad Leader
July 2nd, 2012
Scientology, like all cults, is a twisted, demonic ideology mocking God. Jesus Christ, was believed to have been crucified,(though he defeated death) at age 33 and Tom Cruise dumping wives at 33 probably relates to some stupid, warped Scientology theory.
dapenguin in Alaska
July 3rd, 2012
nah you are all wrong,
33 is the number of men he slept with before he realized that he was gay.
GregMan
July 3rd, 2012
That’s not all the occurences of the number 33 in Tom Cruise’s life. 33 is the length, in centimeters, of the hard c0ck he can take up his butt.
It is also his I.Q., and the highest number he can count to without help from one of his scientology minders.
He believes he has 33 Thetans in his body.
Tom Cruise thinks there are 33 letters in the alphabet, including “L-Ron”, “Theta-N” and “Little-P-P”.