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Oh, Ben!
from Letters of Note
Transcript follows. Images courtesy of The Rosenbach Museum & Library, via the Leather Archives & Museum.
June 25, 1745
My dear Friend,
I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.
But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
Czar of Defenestration
June 26th, 2012
MeBen So HornyCrustyB
June 26th, 2012
Benjamin Franklin: author, printer, political theorist, politician, postmaster, scientist, musician, inventor, satirist, civic activist, statesman, diplomat, and he knew how to score him some stank.
Keyser Söze
June 26th, 2012
It is true…all men want a bigger whore in bed than they are.
Captain Obvious
June 26th, 2012
As Colonel Leeeeeeroy Hammond used to say, “Older women don’t tell, don’t swell and are grateful as hell.”
IronyCurtain
June 26th, 2012
MILFs rule! Way to go, Ben.
Noelegy
June 26th, 2012
I wish they still taught penmanship in school. I find the handwriting in these old documents to be just beautiful.
norman einstein
June 26th, 2012
Thanks for posting this, illustr8r! It’s delightful.
“In the dark, all cats are grey.”
Boobie the Rocket Dog
June 26th, 2012
In looking up a favorite Franklin quote, I find that it is a misquote. He was actually describing wine.
With an interest in an Ohio vineyard, as well as trivia in general, I find it particularly amusing:
http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/09/15/misquote-ben-franklin-on-beer.htm
Cate
June 26th, 2012
That was a fun little trip into the past! B.F. is my great,great,great,great,great uncle.
MNHawk
June 26th, 2012
Because if you put a basket over her ugly face and saggy Stephen Tyler/Madonna like boobies, you’ll never know the difference? And she’ll really dig it to boot.
Dude!
C.
June 26th, 2012
Wise and practical summary.
Callmelennie
June 26th, 2012
And that’s his close friends used to call him Ben “Derover” Franklin
scr_north
June 26th, 2012
While I appreciate both the humour and the wisdom in Franklin’s letter if I were giving Cadwallader Colden some advice about getting the ladies it would have been to change his name. Cadwallader! Geezuz, he’s not getting any with that moniker.
Stranded in Sonoma
June 26th, 2012
That is a glowing recommendation that only a femi-nazi would hate. It speaks of intelligence and common sense being hallmarks of a woman. And it speaks of a man failing to recognize this as being incompetent and unreasonable.
Thank you for your forthright words, Mr. Franklin.