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Offend A Feminist: Jayne Mansfield Knew Her Place
Stacy McCain’s National Offend A Feminist Week rolls on…
Indeed, Miss Mansfield did know and understand the proper role she should be playing away from the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.
After diligent searching through the scarier corners of my mind, I discovered an illustrated pamphlet that she helped prepare as a learning tool to be used by young women to instruct them on the way to take care of their hard-working men over the course of a typical day. This manual was in tough shape when I found it in a hermetically-sealed mason jar on Funk & Wagnells porch [if you get that reference, you're old], but, through painstaking effort, I have restored it and converted it into HTML format, paying very special and close attention to the pictures included.
Herewith, a brief primer from Miss Jayne Mansfield on…
HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MAN
It is very important girls that you awaken before your man does. And you must give yourself plenty of time to shower, shave if necessary, and put on just enough make-up so you’re presentable to your man. Make sure you have his orange juice ready for him when he gets up, so that he can enjoy a nice, refreshing libation to start off his day, and be waiting to hand it to him, along with his robe, as he gets out of bed…
Notice that I’m going to greet my man in a very simple outfit that is very ‘Girl-Next-Door’-ish — men like that and they find women in flannel sexy. But, remember, do put on some make-up, as there is nothing worse than having your man see you without it.
As he washes-up, start making him his favorite breakfast and whistle a happy tune to help him ease into his day…
cfm990
May 13th, 2012
I ain’t touching this, with a 10′ vacuum cleaner.
Stirrin the B.S.
May 13th, 2012
Sandra Fluke skips steps 1-7 and goes right to the bottom line.
serfer62
May 13th, 2012
I married a Feminazi, didn’t know it at the time, but sure found out.
Divorce,,,God’s was of correcting a bad move.
Jayne was always HOT
singinintherain
May 13th, 2012
How appropriate that you should post this on Mother’s Day…..I remember seeing an interview with Jayne Mansfield and the interviewer asked her a snarky question like ” so which title do you like the most? Miss hot tomato? or Miss Buxom blond bombshell?…..Without missing a beat and with a look of pride and love on her face, she replied,
” I think Mother is my favorite title ”
btw Mariska Hargitay is her daughter. Jayne was a lovely woman.
Diann
May 13th, 2012
And her daughter turned into an Obama-loving Leftist.
Moxie Man
May 13th, 2012
@singinintherain & @Diann –
Mariska must have got her looks from her father, she’s ugly and a Lib.
(Billy Joel & Christie Brinkley’s daughter looks like him. The gene pool was unkind.)
Plain Jane
May 13th, 2012
I made the bacon & egg breakfast in lingerie at 5:30 every morning for the first 3 weeks after we got back from our wedding trip. Finally DH had the courage to tell me please, not to make breakfast. He preferred cold cereal. Yea!
ant
May 13th, 2012
Michelle Obama would not approve of the eggs for breakfast. Can’t they fuel for the day on some carrot sticks? The nerve of these omnivores!!
cfm990
May 13th, 2012
@ Plain jane. 05:30 it’s 2 eggs o/m, Bacon crisp, bread lightly toasted, heavily buttered, coffee, cream no sugar. I don’t wear lingerie. (boxers and a T shirt) After 30+ years, I still think I’m worth it. Yeah! I still love me.
bitterclinger
May 13th, 2012
Heh. Must not have been too successful with that prescription. Her THREE marriages lasted 8, 5 and 2 years!
ChiefIlliniCake
May 13th, 2012
Ladies, take note…
Now THAT’s how ya wish your man a Happy Birthday!!!
Will some one let Mrs. IlliniCake know?:-)
sandybanks
May 13th, 2012
LOL! If my husband of almost 60 years found me ‘whistling a happy tune’ over his frying eggs, he’d have me committed.
Callmelennie
May 13th, 2012
Wanna offend a feminist? It’s not too hard. The very fact of your existence as a non cringing male with even the slightest shred of self respect will do it.
joe
May 13th, 2012
I knew Ms. Mansfield was on the right track when I saw that Chock Full of Nuts coffee canister on the shelf. What a gal! I’d let her brew me up a cup.
Dano
May 13th, 2012
Now THAT………was a WOMAN! Absolutely GORGEOUS!
Billy Fuster
May 13th, 2012
Clingy.