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The Daily Mail Loses Their Mind

Home - by - March 30, 2012 - 12:00 America/New_York - 53 Comments

Here’s a Daily Mail Headline with Pictures

A fresh-faced Sarah Jessica Parker perfects the art of minimal make-up with a small splash of colour

Not so fresh-faced: Sarah Jessica Parker managed to pull off the art of minimal make-up as she left her New York home

Splash of colour: A hint of blush could be seen on Sarah's face as she left her home

By this standard, Michelle Obama IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST WOMEN ON THE PLANET!

Why do we pick on SJP? Because she’s making gazillions as a MODEL! What pact with the devil has she made? If she was just another actress, like say, Helen Hunt, we wouldn’t say a thing about her.

And ladies, if you’re taking offense to this post, you’re not fooling me for a second. If Steve Buscemi was doing the Old Spice commercials you’d be just as bemused.

» 53 Comments

  1. Plug-in Lemon

    March 30th, 2012

    SJP…the face that killed Viagra sales worldwide.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +16

     
  2. CrustyB

    March 30th, 2012

    I love that scene in “Young Frankenstein” when Gene Wilder says “Sarah Jessica Parker” and the horses start screaming.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  3. Cracker-bitch, stfu

    March 30th, 2012

    She’s just middle aged now and hasn’t had the surgery like her contemporaries who are around the same age.

    As for Buscemi, as creepy looking as he is there is still something about him that makes him hot.

    Thumb up +5

     
  4. conservative cowgirl

    March 30th, 2012

    Steve Buscemi doing Old Spice commercials? LOLOLOL!!

    Thumb up +7

     
  5. TooMuchTime

    March 30th, 2012

    By this standard, Michelle Obama IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST WOMEN ON THE PLANET!

    You mean she’s not? You mean the press lied? I can’t go on living!

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  6. Nunya

    March 30th, 2012

    No argument here, I can’t recall a time that I ever referred to SJP — a.k.a. “Horse Face” — as “pretty” :P

    Minor correction though: considering that SJP is the same age as me (47), SHE IS NOT OLD! ;) However, Brooke Shields is also the same age as me and SJP, is also a model like SJP, but unlike SJP (or me) does look very pretty (still)

    Thumb up +6

     
  7. BigFurHat

    March 30th, 2012

    >She’s just middle aged now and hasn’t had the surgery like her contemporaries who are around the same age.>
    I think she went in for the consult and they said there was nothing they could do.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  8. BigFurHat

    March 30th, 2012

    As for Buscemi, as creepy looking as he is there is still something about him that makes him hot.>>

    You just told all the creepy guys exactly what they want to hear.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +15

     
  9. historicus

    March 30th, 2012

    She did not age well. I’m two years older and I even I look younger than she does.

    Thumb up +7

     
  10. persecutor

    March 30th, 2012

    I guess she got tired having to use a jackhammer every night to remove all of the make up we’re used to seeing on her.

    Thumb up +2

     
  11. janey

    March 30th, 2012

    @historicus – and you probably aren’t a size zero (which is a good thing!) extremely thin women show their age earlier. I’m a healthy weight (size 8) and often get told I look 10 years younger. My super skinny friends look their age and then some.

    Thumb up +5

     
  12. janey

    March 30th, 2012

    I have no idea why my “eight” turned into a smiley face…

    Thumb up +7

     
  13. Nutjob

    March 30th, 2012

    Maybe ole leatherneck shoud try some saddle soap followed up with saddle oil.

    Thumb up +6

     
  14. Cracker-bitch, stfu

    March 30th, 2012

    [You just told all the creepy guys exactly what they want to hear.]

    I’ve been known to be eccentric and peculiar.

    Thumb up 0

     
  15. Boobie the Rocket Dog

    March 30th, 2012

    Huh? Steve Buscemi isn’t Jamaican.

    Thumb up +1

     
  16. norman einstein

    March 30th, 2012

    I could never figure out how SHE got the lead part in that chick flick series, when Kim Cattrall and that brunette were in the cast.
    But then, considering the “audience” I suppose they loved her because she WAS such an ugly duckling.

    Thumb up +2

     
  17. historicus

    March 30th, 2012

    @janey – I don’t know why you’re 8 turned into a smiley face either, but you are probably right about the size difference. I suspect having to stay rail thin as an actress/model is taking it’s toll.

    Thumb up +1

     
  18. Cruisin' Cat

    March 30th, 2012

    Janey, my wife and I were talking about ratings and the conversation came around to me giving my 56 yr old wife “a good, solid ’8′”. When I asked her what she would give me, the answer was ‘a divorce.’
    Woman has no sensa yuma.

    Thumb up +6

     
  19. Cruisin' Cat

    March 30th, 2012

    Oh, yeah, the pictures: all I can say is:
    WWWHHHIINEEhehehehe – snorrrrt!

    Thumb up +3

     
  20. irony Curtain

    March 30th, 2012

    Matthew Broderick… gotta be gay.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  21. irony Curtain

    March 30th, 2012

    And while I’m at it, ever notice that you never see her and Dee Snider in the same room together? Veeeeery suspicious.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +12

     
  22. oozlefanoozle

    March 30th, 2012

    Those pics of her tell me her body is probably really skinny. Fashion designer love the way clothes hang on skinny bodies.

    Thumb up +2

     
  23. Wyatt, Insensitive Jerk

    March 30th, 2012

    I wish all of you wouldn’t rag on Sarah Jessica Parker. I put $100 on her to show at Santa Anita, and she paid off handsomely.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +18

     
  24. reddecaesari

    March 30th, 2012

    we can all agree that youth is fleeting.
    she isn’t attractive BUT will give her a medal for not altering her face with surgery etc.

    Thumb up +5

     
  25. Noelegy

    March 30th, 2012

    I remember “Square Pegs.” She used to be cute, and I found her popularity encouraging, because, well, I also have a prominent nose. But she’s not aging well, and it’s because she is so freaking scrawny. That she’s being somehow held up as an example of natural beauty–for these pictures, and not the product endorsement shots where she’s been airbrushed into someone completely different–is a bit hard to take.

    Thumb up +2

     
  26. Moxie Man

    March 30th, 2012

    If she and John Kerry had a kid, it would look like Jeff Dunham’s Jose Jalapeno: http://www.jeffdunham.com/#/jose .

    Thumb up +3

     
  27. RANDO

    March 30th, 2012

    Wyatt and I.C You guys made my day!

    Thumb up +3

     
  28. Moxie Man

    March 30th, 2012

    @Irony Curtain: Matthew Broderick’s not aging well either. He’s suffering from Billy Crystal bloat.

    Thumb up +6

     
  29. Stevo

    March 30th, 2012

    I’ve never heard bags under the eyes being described as a ‘small splash of colour.’

    Sorry SJP, beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.

    Noteworthy Comment Thumb up +10

     
  30. Zonga

    March 30th, 2012

    Look at those cheek bones, look at the clavicles. The woman is doing smack.

    Thumb up +3

     
  31. norman einstein

    March 30th, 2012

    I don’t know if she’s very bright, either.
    Back when the dreaded “Y2K” was looming, I saw her on one of the late night talk shows. She said she was afraid something might go wrong with the banks, so she withdrew all her money and put it “somewhere safe”. Then she forgot where she put it.
    No shit.

    Thumb up +7

     
  32. Jason in SD

    March 30th, 2012

    I liked her in LA Story as the dizzy blonde with the big cans.

    Thumb up +1

     
  33. roadmaster

    March 30th, 2012

    Like Nunya, I’ve referred to SJP as Horseface for years. Can’t stand the dumb c**t!

    And like Rosie O’Donnell, the ugliness inside her shows right on through to the outside.

    Remember the time Parker was whining about her “poor” relatives needing gubmint handouts and someone asked her, “You’re rich! Why don’t YOU help them out?” (followed by the sound of crickets chirping….)

    Thumb up +5

     
  34. Pickled Liver

    March 30th, 2012

    Hate to say it but I still like her! At least we haven’t had to listen to her tell us how wonderful it is on the dark side!

    Thumb up +2

     
  35. muddjuice

    March 30th, 2012

    She has a very pleasant, feminine voice……and that’s about it….

    Thumb up +2

     
  36. Plain Jane

    March 30th, 2012

    Tell me her politics, then I’ll tell you if she’s attractive or not.

    Thumb up +5

     
  37. Cliff Weismeyer

    March 30th, 2012

    “A fresh-faced Sarah Jessica Parker perfects the art of minimal make-up with a small splash of colour”

    I would suggest a touch of embalming fluid.

    Thumb up +8

     
  38. Tim

    March 30th, 2012

    I get the Parker gist, but why the picture of Jay Leno in between?

    Thumb up +7

     
  39. Jeff

    March 30th, 2012

    Now, now,let’s be nice! I think she is a fantastic model -a near perfect poster girl for why picking up chicks while drunk is a very bad idea. You might find yourself waking up the next morning next to her!

    “I meet you at the Hotel Delavin
    I asked you up to my room
    and we had a little sin
    The next morning when I woke up
    my dog said to me,
    Harry, what the hell did you drag in!?”

    Thumb up +1

     
  40. Dyrewulf

    March 30th, 2012

    I have NEVER understood why so many people think she’s sexy. UglY? No, not really, she looks like a real person, but sexy? Not at all.

    Thumb up +3

     
  41. John F.

    March 30th, 2012

     
  42. Ralph

    March 30th, 2012

    What the hell did she do with all those Dalmatians?

    Thumb up +5

     
  43. Stymie

    March 30th, 2012

    Ralph, she made a dog fur coat out of them. :-(

    Thumb up +4

     
  44. Stymie's babysitter

    March 30th, 2012

    Is she a vegan, or…alien? :-)

    Thumb up +5

     
  45. Eric

    March 30th, 2012

    While I agree she’s not perfect, few women are. Her politics and personality are also rather grating, and she may not be the sharpest spoon in the drawer; However, I’d take SJP EVERY TIME, if offered her or that Kardashian monster.

    Thumb up +1

     
  46. Millertime

    March 30th, 2012

    its Witchie-Poo

    Thumb up +5

     
  47. Corona

    March 30th, 2012

    Moon Man in the toy car cracked me up. Excellent reference!

    Thumb up +1

     
  48. righcoastgiel

    March 30th, 2012

    If I had any fear of looking haggish, you just made it all better.

    Thumb up +3

     
  49. Joy

    March 30th, 2012

    Is she really only 47 years old?

    Thumb up +1

     
  50. Steverno

    March 31st, 2012

    SJP…Why the long face?

    Thumb up 0

     
  51. Angrymike

    March 31st, 2012

    Wow, If they ever remake ‘ wizard of oz ‘ she definitely wicked witch of the west material!

    Thumb up 0

     
  52. moarkdave

    March 31st, 2012

    I think she is starting to look like Wayland Flower’s Madame.
    I guess her and Brodrick can do that as a new act on Broadway.

    Thumb up +1

     
  53. LaBonBon

    March 31st, 2012

    I never could figure out how she was so successful. ??? It heartens me that BFH and other guys here never did find her attractive. She never was beautiful–just skinny.

    Thumb up 0